Wednesday, August 29, 2012

" With or Without You ... "

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you ...

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away ...

My hands are tied
My body bruised
she's got me with
Nothing to win
Nothing left to lose

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

~ U2 ~ With or Without You ~

Yesterday I was blessed to speak with a dear friend of ours.  Charlie.  Russell and I met Charlie and his wife Mary Alice at the clinic last year.  And although it was brief, we shared a great deal with each other and have remained friends ever since.  It is nice knowing I can reach out to others, whom are on the Gerson Therapy, when I really need to.  Yesterday, I was one of those days.

Our conversation was full of many topics and one of them was about fear.  I shared with Charlie the emotional roller coaster I have been experiencing for the past few months.  Mainly triggered by physical healing reactions.  We both agreed that fear has only one purpose ... to debilitate you.  As I continue to share, Charlie keenly listened and then asked me a very direct question ... “what are you afraid of?”.  I really had to think about it.  What AM I afraid of?  I proceeded to answer in a round about way but finally quietly answered ... I am afraid to die.  You see, not many people talk openly about death.  And why would they ... are we not told if we focus on something it will happen?  But the reality is that if we face our fears, maybe we can work through them.  It is not as if I am inviting the concept ... I just plainly stated my fear around it.

Later in the day, I told Russell about my conversation ... and my fear.  Through heavy tears, I told him I feared getting worse not better, I feared becoming completely physically dependent, I feared the disappointment, suffering and pain I would cause him and my family if things didn’t work out.

Calmly, Russell talked to me about my spiritual beliefs around reincarnation ... he reminded me about my strong faith, and how it has carried me through this part of my journey.  Then he asked me to stop worrying about everyone else.  He asked me to focus on what I could do, in this life, for me.  He asked me to continue to share my gifts, my best.  He asked me to continue to live this life with him and enjoy what we have been blessed with.  He gave me perspective.  Perspective I needed.

Sometimes you need a bit more help than affirmations and meditations.  When you just need the allowance to admit your feelings, instead of ignoring them.  You cannot heal what you won’t confront.  I believe earthly angels come into our lives with a purpose ... perhaps to love and guide us when we lose our way, reminding us of the goodness we posses.  

The load feels a bit lighter today, thanks to Charlie and Russell.   

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