" Into The Void ... "

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station

pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up

(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches

tried to overcome the complications and the catches

nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ Into The Void ~

***

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser.  I think because I empathize with the participants.  I get it.  I was there for the majority of my life.  I was overweight from a very young age and used food as my vice, my fix to fill the void in my life.  Even after developing an eating disorder, I still believed I was in control of it that I could stop at any moment.  It was the farthest from the truth because that empty feeling just didn’t go away and neither did my addiction.

Most of us can identify with that emptiness.  Life can be great most of the time, but that underlying feeling remains.  We try to find a way to manage it but the truth is it never gets filled ... you can’t run from it, you just have to face it.

So do you recognize your void?  

Usually we attempt to “fill the void” with either positive or negative people or activities.  Some people grew up in homes where love was conditional based on performance, achievement and productivity.  Others, in abusive homes and never received approval or acceptance from their parents.  Therefore emotional voids evolve and as children we find a way to cope, survive.

Reflecting back, I had an AHA! moment ... I use to be a “giver”, a "people pleaser". Constantly doing things for friends and people, being there for them and draining myself in the process.  And even though I said I had no expectations, we all do.  And mine were never fulfilled.  I never received as much as I gave.  Maybe because I gave in unrealistic ways ... maybe because my expectations were too high ... maybe because my giving was conditional.  Maybe.  But really my epiphany came when I realized that it was because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  I didn’t feel that I was good enough.  I didn’t think I was equal to others.  So, I think I set myself up, self fulfilling prophecy if you will ... my expectations would never be met and I would always end up disappointed.  This I expected, this was familiar and therefore this I created.  I wasn’t open or ready to receive.  Yikes!

So how do you fill your void? 

As previously shared, I filled my void with food.  And there is a price that comes with filling a void with food.  Besides the obviously health issues, it comes on slowly.  It is likely that the rut you are stuck in has also developed with time.  And it stems from a feelings of inadequacy and imbalance.  I was unhappy, depressed and probably not a barrel of laughs to be around (I apologize to my loved ones and am so grateful for their presence still in my life!)  Thankfully, now I have a my renewed sense of excitement and purpose in life which makes me feel full.  I turned my negative into a positive.

So if you are unsure if you have a void in your life, listen to your heart.  Feelings of emptiness, hollow, nothingness, meaninglessness ... you know as you go through it, you experience an undesirable state of being.  You are existing and surviving, not living.

Voids are mainly caused by terrible loss and experience of inadequacy in life.  When joy, security and self-realization is lost, a vacuum is created within.  Life becomes empty without a point of reference or a common thread as Oprah shared.  The bigger the investment on the source of meaning, the more hollow the void is after its loss.  

The key is to live your life in its “fullness” ... 

I read that the universe hates voids and always finds ways to fill empty spaces.  So as part of this vast universe, you are also enabled to fill this void starting from your own.

Recognize that you are a person with depth and serious search for meaning in life ... 

Be grateful that if you feel the void, you are in touch with your inner self.  And once you have this awareness, you can change.  So go back to your most important values in life and recover what you consider most precious because as human beings we all need HOPE, essential for us to truly live our lives as they are meant to be lived ... 

" Energy ... "

In beauty or beast

Who's my character to be

I'm now covering

All the makeup that makes me

(Come on, come on, come on) ...

And all of your friends are now whispering

I think you left me for the government

And all of your friends, I hope are listening

I wish you'd stop sucking all my energy ...

(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)

I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy

(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)

I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy

~ Collective Soul ~ Energy ~

***

Ever notice that successful people have an energy about them.  And it is not just their physical energy but their “inner” energy.  Considering low energy, exhaustion and fatigue are at epidemic levels, it would probably be wise and start rebuilding our personal energy levels now.

So how do we get and maintain high level of personal energy?  Well the first thing is knowing that personal energy does come from within ... the real source is inside.

Opportunities create personal energy ... optimism.  

Consequence thinking creates “stuck-ness” ... pessimism.

It starts with taking care of Health.  Critical.  Good health provides the platform for high personal energy.  We all hear about how highly successful people have overcome very difficult physical and mental issues to create the energy necessary to succeed ... the key being opportunity thinking.

It involves Curiosity.  Curiosity also creates personal energy.  A sense of discovery or wanting to know more ... then taking action to gain knowledge.  It gets you out of a rut.  And I read somewhere that “the only difference between a rut and a grave is a rut's longer.”

It means Overcoming.  Overcoming the panel of “thems” as I refer to it ... you know the “theys” or “thems” that are invisible and sitting on your shoulders telling you to be careful, be afraid and give up.  Ignoring it is a small victory.  And knowing they will be back but also knowing you can overcome it if you keep your eyes on the prize.

It means Releasing worry.  Worry drains your energy and if you are a worrier, like me, or an over-thinker, mental exhaustion results.  Lift your worry by reciting   “May I be free of worry, May I be well, May I feel safe and at ease, May I be at peace”.

Check in and assess your level of energy.  There are infinite ways to increase this so find what works for you.  Commit yourself to taking action and use this to control your emotions.  Just begin by laughing, smiling and thinking about an opportunity ... and you may be amazed at how things may shift and lift your spirit.

" Closure ... "

Give me closure

Searching for solace

Closure - am I still lost? 

And so you've forgotten me ...

For these lifetimes gone by

I can't help question why

Through the years denied this

Tears gone uncried

Torrid inside

And no face to relate to names to reply

Especially when the memories

Cut like a knife

Left with just pages to which I confide

~ Divine Heresy ~ Closure ~

***

Closure ... having to severe the energetic cord that once connected you to another.  I read that “this unbroken cord may leave an open channel between you and another, through which emotions and energy can continue to flow” (Daily OM).

Not knowing how to put a proper end to a relationship can influence any healthy relationship planned in the future.  It is like having an “open account” ... which is when you are afraid of truly letting someone go because you always want to have that access, afraid you might miss out.

Sadly some relationships evolve from mutually supportive and life-giving bonds to unhealthy scenarios.  Endings that are abrupt or subtle, via e-mail, phone or in person, with words or silence ... all need to be mourned and processed.  It still hurts and deserves closure and peace, especially if there was no real good-bye.

So when you are ready, cutting this “cord” can help you rid of old baggage, unnecessary attachments and release you from connections that no longer serve you.  

Start with acceptance and adjustment.  You have to come to the realization that it is over.  Respect the time spent and accept the fact that this chapter of your life has now come to and end.

Next, identify with what the experience has taught you instead of dwelling on the pain.  Visualize all the benefits and be proud of yourself.  Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to work through it and tell yourself that your future is so much better than your past.

Finding and cutting unwanted “cords” can be a gentle process.   Just start to believe that you are not severing a relationship, but you are severing the connection that is no longer serving you both.  You are setting yourself and others free from the ties that bind.

You see, closure looks forward by letting go and moving on.  That is what closure gives us.  We may have gone through the grieving process but still not have the closure we need.  By recognizing, accepting, understanding, integrating and practicing gratitude, we can come full circle to experience closure.

Closure helps it all make sense. It turns something seemingly broken into something useful, purposeful, and lovely.  A different perspective, a lesson learned, a new beginning ...

" Blank ... "

I wish I was blank

I wish I was blank

I wish I could thank

I wish I was blank 

I'd write a letter to you

And there'd be nothing to it

I wouldn't hem and haw

On just how to start it

I wish I'd stand up straight

I wish I'd said things different

I wish I'd said nothing

Things would be so perfect

I wish myself to keep

I pray my soul to sleep

I wish myself away

I wish I was blank

~ Smashing Pumpkins ~ Blank ~ 

***

There is a difference between making the life you always wanted versus just making a living to get by.  Sometimes when you just make a living, you abandon your dreams and deprive the world of your authentic gifts ... you play it safe.  Each day can become a series of endless habits and routines ... all is built on anxiety and fear, boredom and oblivion.  

Life shifts with opportunities to add colour to every day, 

a do over, a blank canvas ... 

Over the last couple of years, my priorities have shifted, how I view life versus living, how I shape my life to whatever I want it to be, and who I allow to involve.  Of course the palette is more accessible at some times than others but it is always there, waiting for the first brush of colour.  The goal ... set out to make a life where my unique talents shine and inspire. 

When you set out to make a life, 

each day is based around meaning and purpose, 

with intent and action ... 

My primary motivation with this blog is to share, learn and exchange ... provide a service and help each other without ever a concern for reciprocity.  Is this my purpose?  time will tell as I have always wanted what I say to mean something. 

Purpose is a spirit seeking experience ~ Oprah

Every day, we can all start with a blank canvas by seeing ourselves in others from all walks of existence, and believe this vision can naturally calm the heart, bring peace and understanding.  

I believe we are all connected, we are all united, we are all one.  I believe that our collective gift as human beings is a never-ending supply of blank canvases.  We can awaken to a fresh, new, untouched surface waiting for whatever we choose to apply, in whatever amount we wish, however we envision.  
What a liberating thought?

Having only vague instructions and having to work against the pressures of the coming tides of life, our mission is to create a beautiful drawing, a masterpiece.  A blank canvas awaiting design by you, the engineer, the architect and the sole director behind the camera.  Yes, it begins and ends with you ... so what will your masterpiece look like?

" L.O.V.E. ..."

L - is for the way you look at me

O - is for the only one I see

V - is very, very, extraordinary

E - is even more than anyone that you adore can

LOVE is all that I can give to you

LOVE is more than just a game for two

Two in LOVE can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

LOVE Was made for me and you!

LOVE Was made for me and you!

LOVE Was made for me and you!

~ Nat King Cole ~ L.O.V.E. ~

***

Well it’s that time of year again ... Valentine’s Day.  And just in case you needed a reminder just walk into any retail outlet and you are bombarded with chocolate-covered somethings, stuff animals holding plastic hearts, and pink/red everything.  You can’t miss it .. from flowers to candies, teddy bears and balloons.

I remember the time when we were younger, we would give mini Valentine cards to our classmates with popular characters and cartoons, hoping that someone would Be Mine!  I remember counting how many cards I got, wishing it was more than the year before.  The basic need to be LOVED.

Today is more than just a day to “buy” something for our loved ones ... it is a day to express our gratitude for the people in our lives who are always there for us, the people who will always love us, unconditionally.  Partner, parents, siblings or friends.

But isn’t everyday Valentines Day if we are mindful to hold close to our hearts our loved ones?  In a moment everything can change so express your true feelings now.  Don’t wait.  

Every day that we are given on earth is one in which we can practice gratitude ... never take for granted that tomorrow is ours ... so remember we have 365 days to work with and the possibilities are endless ...

classic video featuring: NAT KING COLE L-O-V-E