" Fly Like An Eagle ... "

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 

Into the future 

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 

Into the future 

I want to fly like an eagle 

To the sea 

Fly like an eagle 

Let my spirit carry me 

I want to fly like an eagle 

Till I'm free 

Fly through the revolution 

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 

Into the future 

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 

Into the future 

~ Steve Miller ~ Fly Like An Eagle ~

***

Here we are ... Month 19 of the Gerson Therapy.  Sounds unreal doesn’t it?  Yeah, to me as well ... looking back, I vividly remember my first day at the Clinica Nutricion Y Vida in Tijuana.  It is a day in my life, a pivotal moment, I am forever grateful for and will never forget ...

Those who continue to ask “are still doing that thing” ... yes I am.  I have another 5 months to go till I reach the two year mark and then, we reassess.  In the meantime, I will continue to have my lab work monitored.  So far so good ... and if I am truly honest, I am tired and bored of my therapy schedule.  I cannot wait for the variety of healthy foods I will be able to add ... I cannot wait for the flexibility of time I will be able to experience.  Yes I tell myself, this too shall come, be patient, as you are on the home stretch (I believe you Jolene!!).

As well, this is a time of a great deal of unknowns for me as I don’t know what my career will look like going forward.  Mainly because life is different since pre-diagnosis.  I want so much more out of my life, I want to travel, I want to make a profound difference regarding humanity ... and I am trying to find my purpose.  

In the past 19 months I continue to discover that ... 

• letting go of self-interest opens the door to recognizing your true self
• knowing who you are inside ... your true values, secret desires, imagination, your capacity for love, empathy, generosity ... all relate to and inform your life purpose
• using my mental and creative energies to serve something larger than myself will help me find my life purpose
• and learning from my choices and way of life can give me important feedback about the path I’ve been on, in relation to my deeper life purpose
  

So, instead of fine tuning or tweaking what I’ve been doing in my work, maybe looking at what it tells me about my longings and inner vision that I might be trying to express through my outer life?

Being open to the feedback my actions have provided during this leg of my journey is a good start.  There are times when I felt a pull towards some purpose, activity or goal.  It is what reflects my inner self ... I just need the courage to pursue it fully and with great intent.

 Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. 

There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe that your critics are right. 

To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage 

♥ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Soar ..."

"Now in life there's gonna be times 
When you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity seems to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is
Don't be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door"

~ Christina Aguilera ~ Soar ~

***

Finding a path that is my own was not difficult for me, staying on my path, well ... that is another story.   After diagnosis, my treatment of choice was and currently is the Gerson Therapy.  And I have written many blogs related to the therapy, the day to day schedule, and other happenings involved with it.  Yet what I am finding are the struggles I have encompass the path itself ... 

Besides the differing thoughts, comments, statements, looks and judgement on choosing an "alternative" cancer treatment, even within all natural treatments, this exists.  I have been researching websites, journals and books related to many different ways to treat serious illnesses like cancer.  And what I am finding is that there seems to be something else that you "could" do to help you heal.  Just one more thing, another add on.  Some of the patients on Gerson supplement the therapy with vitamin C in IV form, infrared saunas, blood ozone therapy, homeopath medications and the list goes on.  You start to question whether what you are doing is enough, is the therapy taking effect in your body, and could you do more.  I realized that I was started to feel overwhelmed because I let my mind take over.  I stopped listening to my body ... as I remember blogging about body talk ~ how our bodies are ALWAYS talking to us, telling us how it feels.  I was so consumed with what was potentially lacking in my treatment instead of focusing on how every body reacts uniquely and heals in its own way.  Where one treatment will work for you, it may not work for another.  You may no benefit to a what seems to be a complimentary treatment, whereas someone else may have a significant shift happen.  And in some cases, you may have a negative side effect, a flare up or a healing reaction and another following the same therapy, may have little to no change.  

Therefore trying to figure out what works and what does, or finding the "perfect" treatment for everyone is simply a waste of energy.  What we need to find is what resonates with us, our bodies and our soul ... and having no judgement on the choice we make ... Gerson resonates with me, my body loves the food it receives, it knows what to do with it, and although I am fighting to rid the cancer in my body, knock on wood, I feel good and healthier than I have in a very long time.  And yes, diagnostic tests are scheduled at the end of the month to see how the tumours are responding.  What I do know is that in the last week or so there has been a major shift in my healing.  I have had some major assistance from a dear friend to assist in this process.  I feel my body now knows that it is time for the cancer to leave and it is dying.  What I feel is the tumours are shrinking and ... the full Gerson Therapy as prescribed by Dr. Max Gerson 70 years ago is working.  

So I dare to be different and therefore .... life my life in my own way.  Following my heart rather than the crowd gives me much more of a chance to find happiness and fulfillment.  Yes, this takes courage.  And yes, we ALL have this courage.  It can be really scary to be different, not being accepted by those around you and to stand out rather than blend in.  But the truth is ... we are ALL different and therefore there is NO ONE treatment or pill that FITS ALL ... especially when it comes to cancer.  By the virtue of being alive, we are unique and special ... and a beautiful reminder that this is the miracle of being human.  

Just for today, I'm going to pretend that I believe that I am enough. 

Tomorrow, I am pretty sure I will believe it. I did yesterday ♥

"We Like To Party ... "

"I've got somethin' to tell ya, 
I've got news for you,
gonna put some wheels in motion,
get ready cause we're comin' through.
Hey now Hey now Hear what I say now
Happiness is just around the corner
Hey now Hey now Hear what I say now
we'll be there for you ..."

~ Vengaboys ~ We Like To Party ~

***

This year for Russell's birthday I bought him tickets for Shambhala Music Festival.  For those of you that don't know what it is about, Shambhala is a celebration of music, art and life.  It is an annual electronic music festival held during the first week of August at the Salmo River Ranch in the West Kootenay mountains of British Columbia. The festival lasts four days and three nights and offers a mix of music and art in the middle of nature.  It is an amazing event!

So after a bit of planning, Russ and brother Tim head out on the road early this morning.  With encouragement to have a wonderful time, and even though I bought the tickets, deep down I wish I had not.  Yeah a little odd no?  Well, being selfish, I wish I was heading down the highway with them to one of the biggest events in Canada.  Shambhala has been going on for over 10 years, its a community and it is one big dance floor ... and those that know me ... I LOVE to dance.  So I am a bit jealous, and a bit sad ... but I know that it's a great gift for Russ.  He has been eye~ing this event for some time.  He even thought about volunteering when we got back from the clinic and I wasn't too keen on the idea.  Mainly because he would be gone for a week or so.  Yes, selfish I am, but not knowing what physical or emotional state I would be in, I didn't want to be alone.  Now, closing in on 6 months of therapy, I am able, god willing, to make meals and prepare juices, and take medications.  

And although I have family and friends offering to stay over, get groceries, make meals, do whatever I need or what (they are amazing aren't they?) ... and I thought that this would be a nice break for Russ ... the truth is I just miss him.  I miss his presence, his laughs, his silly jokes, his smile, his music, his voice ... *sigh* yeah I know suck it up, its only for the weekend ... but I think you realize once someone is away how much you really miss them.  We spend a lot of time together and yes we do have disagreements and no we don't spend EVERY moment together ... but when you know that they are there, maybe in the other room, but there if you want is a beautiful thing.  I am so blessed to have so much love in my life.  I am so blessed to have Russ in my life ... counting down the moments when he gets home ;)

So this weekend, as I go through my usual therapy schedule ~ 16 hours a day, 7 days a week ... I will be at the festival in spirit.  I know they are going to have an amazing time, full of stories, ideas and experience.  And as I drink my carrot juice, take my meds, eat my vegan meals and complete my coffee treatments ... my soul will be dancing with my love seven hours on the dancefloor ... 

"We Like to Party, We Like, We Like to Party, 

We Like to Party, We Like, We Like to Party"