" Who Are You ... "

I took the tube back out of town

Back to the Rollin' Pin

I felt a little like a dying clown

With a streak of Rin Tin Tin ...

I stretched back and I hiccuped

And looked back on my busy day

Eleven hours in the Tin Pan

God, there's got to be another way ...

Who are you?

Who, who, who, who?

Who are you?

Who, who, who, who? ...

~ The Who ~ Who Are You? ~

***

Who are you today?  Who were you yesterday?  Who will you be tomorrow?  What popped into your mind?  Did you immediately think of your job title?  Did you identify yourself with a relationship?  Did you describe your body, your personality or favorite hobby?  

The notion of identity, of who we think we are ...

We are so quick to identify ourselves using our circumstances, how others perceive us, our behaviours, or our positions in life ... which limits our growth, leaves us lost and confused.  Ironically, these same labels can give us a sense of belonging, security, shape the way we act and feel but they are misleading because none can fully describe the multifaceted reality of being human. 

I think the most damaging is when we cling to negative identities ... “I am diabetic, I have cancer, I am no good with money, I can’t sing” ... we cling because it is part of our comfort zone.  You see we know our boundaries, what we can and cannot do, so we never venture out.  

Think about it ... if the labels we give others stem from our shallowest impulses and prevent us from really knowing another person, the labels we assign to ourselves are even worse. They destroy us from within. No matter what the label, the more we cling to it, the more pain we are going to suffer. 

So how do you expose the real YOU?  Start with recognizing the identities you are holding on to.  Next speak about them in a different way allows you to detach from them.  The reality is that you are not your circumstances, you are not what you do, you are not roles and you are not your thoughts and beliefs.  

Here are some examples of how looking with a different perspective changes things ....

phrase                                             re-worded

I have cancer                                   my body has cancer

I am broke                                       I would like to have more money

I am disabled                                   I am a person with a disability

I am fat                                            I would like to be more healthy

I hate my job                                    I would like to find another job

I am just a stay at home mom           I raise my children

The idea is that after you can no longer do what you do, whether by choice or not, you will still be you.  Knowing how to let go of any given identity without losing our essential selves yields a security we'll never get from fame, power, money, beauty, or any other personality prop.  Through stillness we remain ourselves no matter what happens ... loss or gain, pain or pleasure, fame or disrepute.  

Hence when the bad labels come at you glue-side up, or the positive ones are stripped away, ask yourself “who are you really?” ... 

" Humble Me ... "

 " What do you say
When it's all gone away
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
The truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to
You humble me lord
Humble me lord
I'm on my knees empty "

~ Norah Jones ~ Humble Me ~

***

Yesterday I had an opportunity to visit a girlfriend of mine that is to me, my hero.  Her personal story of courage, strength and determination leave me in awe every time we connect.  Besides being a medical miracle, she was also one of the first people I shared my diagnosis with as I knew she would get it.  She has been one of my angels, guiding and supporting me during my journey this year.  I feel so blessed to have her in my life ... thanks Mary ♥

We had a good talk about humbleness and humility.  Mainly because these negative energies came up for me this year ... along with resentment and anger, and I wasn’t proud of it.  And I was trying to understand why.  Knowing that these were “stuck” and had to surface first and then I could deal with it.  I realized my ideas around immortality and invincibility were shattered when faced with an "incurable" dis-ease as stated by the medical profession.  I realized that anything can happen ... and it did.  I was immediately humbled.  I realized that I had to make the choice if I was going to let the cancer have power, have control.  Never ... as I have said before ... life goes on.  For some, smoother than others.  For some, no cares in the world, life is easy ... at least that was my perception.  I was trying to understand why I was angry watching some coast while I struggle.  Enter resentment and anger.  And I think their lack of gratitude, lack of humbleness were the triggers.  Because for me, I view life completely different.  I really try to appreciate all that life has to offer, initially from a place of fear as I thought that I wouldn’t be around much longer.  Now that I have a fighting chance, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude resonates with me.  There are endless outcomes, endless possibilities and we have very little control as to what happens ... just what we do with it.

So back to humbleness or maybe even humility ... question: when you visualize someone that is humble do you see them as meek, hunched over and barely noticeable?  Be honest.  The funny thing is that humility is not an inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem.  Humility means “living with the reality that nothing matters except doing the right thing.”  

The humble person is totally dedicated to the pursuit of truth.  And because his self-esteem is not dependent on approval from others, his choice may be the right, not popular one.  The arrogant person is concerned with his own ego, pride, money and power.  Preoccupied with what others think of him.  So even though his appearance is friendly and charming, he is really manipulating things to suit his selfish needs.  

Think of it this way ... humility thinks “what’s greater than me counts” and arrogance thinks “I’m all that counts.”  And the most humble person of all can also be charismatic.  Because humility is freedom ... concern about truth, living by it and being free to express yourself in the most authentic way.  A quiet confidence, not rattled by critics, earning genuine respect.  A humble person knows his place and helps others, as there is no threat to his ego.

So start by doing some soul searching.  Check in with your life goals ... is it truly meaningful or just some abstract notion.  Are you losing clarity on what is ultimiately important?  Doing the right thing may be difficult, because we don’t always perceive it as providing a great source of pleasure.  Material pleasures are necessary and nice, but they don’t compare to the higher pleasures of life and meaning.  True charisma comes when we disengage ourselves from the need for outside approval ... very powerful.  

Humility can open us up to wisdom because we don’t get stuck in our own subjective reality.  Humbleness can generate truth, objectivity, and pleasure.  Because until you know what you are willing to die for, you have not yet begun to live.