" Happy … "

It might seem crazy what I’m about to say

Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break

I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space

With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way ...

Bring me down… can’t nothing…

Bring me down… my level's too high…

Bring me down… can’t nothing…

Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now) ...

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you know what happiness is to you

Because I’m happy

Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

~ Pharrell Williams ~ Happy ~

***

There seems to be a constant reminder regarding the ticking of most women’s biological clocks ... with one purpose only and that is to have children.  Yet, there are many of us that live a full and satisfactory life without them.  And thankfully, it is widely accepted by free thinking women that it is quite alright to not reproduce.  Giving it some thought being Mother’s Day, I felt safe enough to write about why some don’t.

Recently I had a conversation with a couple of girlfriends.  Both getting married, one was interested in children and the other ... not so much.  
Her reason ... over population.  

Coming from a place of curiosity rather than judgement, maybe it is possibly that not having children means two people are making a choice regarding conception and not letting it choose them. 

Personally speaking, I LOVE children and have my entire life ... but loving children and RAISING children are completely different.  And oddly, people automatically assume you have sadness from not having children and your life is hollow.  That you marriage may be unfulfilled due to not having reproduced and even possibly a shame because you have not procreated ... yes there are still those views out there.

“Not having children means a couple is able enjoy together humanity’s insightful conquest of nature”

So whether you are a Mom or celebrating your Mom … appreciate their desire, passion and yearning to have YOU.  Today is a day to celebrate THEIR love, guidance, support, comfort, nurturing and sacrifices.  I think of all the women in my life who have provided these elements for me during my life and I thank them on this day ... please honour yourself for what you have given and continue to give to others in your life.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Wicked Games … "

With all the noise above
He tried to call his name
The trial would go on
The day is just begun

Living in an empty world

The diamond cuts her eye
The crowd behind went wild
They weren't all that proud
By now they hear it loud

Living in an empty world

~ Strokes ~ Wicked Games ~

***

I never thought that cancer could be a competition, but for some it truly is.  Comparison of the degree of sickness, hair loss, nausea, etc ... Basically, unless you are not suffering enough, you may not qualify in the cancer games.

Cancer IS cancer ... with emotions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  All people, survived or living with cancer, go through the same process.  How you get through it depends on a certain type of attitude or shift in attitude.  Because some feel that the same attitudes that are responsible for having caused the cancer are often also applied to explaining how you heal, which shapes your personality.  

With a great deal of information about how attitudes and emotions can affect our endocrine and immune systems stress response, we can change an internal process to make an impact on tumor growth or the body’s response to it.  

YES, we DO have the ability to heal our own bodies!! 

But is not that easy and never really is.  With the general brainwash attitudes about cancer and it’s impact on our lives, we automatically feel cancer victimizes people.  That right there, is our demise.  See me, it takes a great deal of strength to put on your war face when dealing with the outside world.  The expectations in the cancer games of who is at the finish line, and who still has a few laps to go ... because every time some one dies of from the “treatment” or the dis-ease itself ... people start checking in ... confirming your status ... and so the games continue.  And usually being the one living with cancer, you have to reassure them, satisfy their worries and redirect their fears.  

Personally, I avoid people who think cancer is a death sentence and there is no cure.  I put energy into health, wellness and healing.  I put energy into gratitude for what IS present, here and now.   I am NOT a victim ... and news flash ... we are ALL terminal. 

So take a different approach and check out of the games.  It is not a requirement to fulfill the role of the cancer patient.  YOU decide how YOU live … because as I explained to a good friend today, I currently live a loving and nourishing life with cancer and … so far so good ;)

www.walkstrong.ca

" Bad Things … "

When you came in the air went out.

And every shadow filled up with doubt.

I don't know who you think you are,

But before the night is through,

I wanna do bad things with ...

I'm the kind to sit up in his room.

Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue.

I don't know what you've done to me,

But I know this much is true:

I wanna do bad things with ...

~ The Radiacs ~ Bad Things ~

***

I use to believe that bad things happen to good people.  That is just the way life is.  Now I believe that things just happen.  And it’s your viewpoint, your perspective that determines if it is good or bad ... because these things that “happen” can be considered as neutral ... and your reactions determines it all.

When my body was designated with cancer, I believed I was being punished for all the “bad” thing I did in this life ... and maybe even paying for from previous lifestimes.  So I believed that if I prayed hard enough, I could reverse all of that.  

But if you aren’t buying any of this ... why DO bad things happen to good people?  Well, bad things happen to EVERYONE.  

It is naive to believe that one is going to cruise through the human experience without facing evil in some of its severest forms ...

Culturally, I’ve grown up with conversations within the East Indian community such as “it is not far that so much has happened to our family recently”.  But don’t we all get what we are meant to get and what is fair?  Personally, I have come to a place where NOW I can be grateful for all my challenges as I wouldn’t have stumbled upon my strengths if not so.  

Remember, these are the times you find out what you are made of ...

And do we really need to compare ourselves to a less fortunate one to appreciate and be grateful for what is present in our lives.  Do we feel “if only” and things will then be good?  And how can we be so sure of that?  There are times in life we are smaller and other times we are bigger.

I do believe that everything that occurs in life is meant to bring us closer to our soul’s purpose, and everything we are given is a tool to help us.  Every one of us has a unique mission and sometimes we veer off course.  A terminal illness, a divorce, a death of a loved one ... moves us closer to our mission, as painful as it may seem when it occurs, are the cloaked difficulties full of lessons and messages.  

The question is are you paying attention 

because you don't need a major event to listen ...

Personally, when I now speak about this designated dis-ease, I believe it was Divine’s act to shift me out of the thinking, being and living in a different direction ... a direction that required a re-alignment with my higher self, bringing happiness, joy & contentment with no attachment to an outcome.

I do believe EVERYTHING that occurs in my life is for my higher good ... 

Although this one thought has helped me trememendously, I don’t pretend to have a wide angle view on why things happen to me, let alone to anyone else.  Yet personally shifting from a place of “why me” to “why not” allows you to surrender to the process and be open to all the miracles around us.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Show Up … "

if there be anyone who's going through,
we have an answer to the problem for you ...

only the strong shall survive and win.
Just ask the question and the answer shall come,
just exercise your faith and know He's the one ...

If there is no sign,
keep this in mind,
He'll show up on time.
He will show up, show up on time.

~ John P Kee ~ Show Up ~

***

It’s not about you.  Those are the four words I said to a friend of mine.  Four hard words but words that needed to be said.  “Speak your truth even if your voice shakes” is what was playing in my mind as I spoke.

You see, we were talking about how someone she knew was diagnosed a while back.  And my friend didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do and was worried so she did nothing.  Sound familiar?  

And as we have become closer, my girlfriend asked me considering my journey, what were my thoughts.  I told her she won’t like what I have to say but I need to be honest if she wants me to respond.  Since I speak from my heart, she didn’t expect any less.

So here it is ... 

all you have to do is show up … TA-DA!!!

Yup.  that’s it ... as a friend, you need to show up, be available and be present.  There are NO expectations for you to fix, say, do and feel anything.  Just. Show. Up.  Now you may be reading this and say ... ah, yeah?  are you kidding, that’s it? ... yup, that’s it.  Well personally speaking at least.  

I never wanted sympathy.  I never wanted to be fixed.  

I never wanted to be treated differently.  

I only wanted you to show up.

I only wanted you to be available

I only wanted you to be present and love me ...

Every one of us needs someone that understands what we do not say.  Oddly enough, as people fade away space is available for new experiences ... so not all is lost.  I have been so blessed to have compassionate people in my life that are full of generosity, kindness and pure love.  They understand that living with cancer is not a curse but can actually be a blessing. They appreciate the down side so that they can appreciate the up side.  And there is ALWAYS an up side.

When facing any pivotal moment in your life, you find out what you’re made of ... and those around you.  Some step up and others shy away.  How they respond is a reflection of what is happening in THEIR life not yours.

So whether YOU are “uncomfortable” with what someone is going through remember ... it is NOT about you and it rarely is so don't  let your doubts sabotage your actions.  In life we never lose friends, we only learn who our true ones are.

www.walkstrong.ca

" What Did You Expect? … "

I've been here before ...

But I've learned from experience

Don't tell me that I'll be fine ...

So far gone my mind is racing, 

Back and forth I can't stop pacing, 

I won't be in sight when you realize that 

I might just have been a more stable support, 

To the life that you'll build

Take all I am ...

who I am

~ Neck Deep ~ What Did You Expect? ~

***

What do you expect of others?  Do you find yourself thinking of what others should or shouldn’t be doing?  Do you have find yourself thinking of how others should respond to you? ... of course, we all do it.

Personally I thought this was just part of our nature, we cannot help ourselves, it is just the way it is.  Because if we love someone, we are critical of what they say or do because we expect something different .. and this can be exhausting ... but it is also deliberate.  How so ... free will ... we can choose to have or not to have expectations, pretty simple.

From experience, having let go of expectations and opinions around certain people, relationships and situations has provide me the freedom to welcome what is coming ... bringing excitement and curiosity into my life.

So if it is “that” easy then why do hold on these expectations that only set us up for disappointment?  

Well, first and foremost, we believe that others think as we do.  Until we accept each others thoughts and emotions as unique imprints, specific to them, we will not be able to embrace a society with healthy differing opinions.  

Next, ask yourself if you are looking for a certain outcome.  Possibly trying to control the outcome raises expectations and sets the path for judgement.

And finally, if there is something within us we don’t care for, we usually judge that quality in others.  We crave affirmation and can get defensive if we don’t get what we want.

Ultimately detachment is the key.  

Releasing our attachment to an outcome will eliminate that need for validation.  Expectations will fall by the side and opinions won’t matter.  

We cannot control others, yet we can release our expectations of others.  This allows you to be and others to do the same ... you to accept others for who they really are ... you to stop passing judgement ... and you to accept yourself

www.walkstrong.ca