" What About Now ... "

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading
From all the things that we are
Are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn? ...

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace
Shadows fade into the light
I am by your side ...

Now that we're here
Now that we've come this far
Just hold on ...

What about now?
What about today?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now?

~ Daughtry ~ What About Now ~ 
***

With cancer diagnoses on the rise there is a good chance you or someone you know in your lifetime will hear these dreaded words ... “ I’m sorry, it’s cancer”.  

When we were at the Gerson clinic, we were told the statistic of 1 in 3 is actually 1 in 2.  Yet the positive side is that more of us are surviving our initial diagnosis and treatment ... going on to live full and vibrant lives.  

Some of the hardest moments are often between diagnosis and the beginning of treatment for a person battling cancer ... mainly because it is easier to deal when you are doing something about it.  You have a plan of action.  

So when the news is raw, and you mind takes over, there are some things you can do in what I call the “meantime”.  And by the way, this “meantime” feels like forever as your whole world as you know it has just collapsed.  What you knew doesn’t exist anymore ... and you are left trying to make sense of what appears to be a death sentence but is truly an opportunity for change.  

I can only speak from experience and since I am obviously not a doctor, this is by no means medical advice.  So this is not to “convince” anyone as to what treatment to pursue.

Realization ... 

One of the first things I realized was to have grace for myself.  Practice compassion and kindness towards me.  Contrary to what I was “heard” about breast cancer, this is not the end of the world.  So when my imagination started to head towards worst case scenarios, I had to reel it back in.  Our bodies are ALWAYS listening to our thoughts and feeling our emotions and the extra stress is un-necessary.  So I had to stop torturing myself as to what will go wrong and start focusing on what would go right.  I practice this daily.

Realization ... 

Next was to share my burden and get support.  Yeah no, that doesn’t mean updating your facebook status but tell someone.  Know this is a heavy burden, so carrying it alone is not wise.  I am blessed with my amazing husband, family and few awesome friends aka angels ... yet not everyone has that option.  So reach out and find support services that will help you will your diagnosis and how to cope.  

Realization ... 

Understand your diagnosis.  We all have cancer cells in our bodies and therefore they are not foreign invaders.  Healthy immune systems are always fighting them, seeking them out and destroying them.  Yet when cells grow beyond the capability of our immune systems and they can't handle it ... we "get" cancer.  Good, efficient cellular environment ensures we don't "get" sick ... it is important to understand that cancers have four characteristics: weak immune system, low oxygen uptake by the cells, excess acidity & excess toxins.

Realization ... 

Probably the most important is to get educated when it comes to your treatment.  Learning about options ...  your best defence is making a decision from a place of knowledge NOT fear plays a vital role in your survival.  If you don’t understand, ask questions ... and then ask again.  You have a right to know.  (And when doing online research, beware of Dr. Goggle ... there is a  great deal of mis-information so check the legitimacy of the site.  Also, avoid worst case scenarios as they do absolutely nothing for you.  Trust me, I know).

Realization ...  

Do yourself a favour and make it easy for others to help you.  I found that people want to help, but they just don’t know what to say or do.  So tell them what you need.  Loved ones may be afraid to offer help for fear of offending you, so give them the opportunity by openly communicating.  Once you let them in your world, they will take cues from you and can be an integral part of your healing journey.

Realization ... 

Finally recognize that there are and will be rough days and amazing days.  I tell myself often to hang in there even after being in therapy for 20 months.  Does it get easier ... well depends on what time or day you ask me.  But what I do know is I am still here ... and that you can have cancer and a good life.

" Too Busy For Me ... "

Slow down the sound of the everyday rush

Turn down the noise

Stop for a minute ...

There's a beautiful place right under your feet

The grass has never been greener

The sky has never been so blue

The sun has never felt so warm on your face

Oh that was a beautiful view

But don't think that I don't see

Everything that makes you too busy for me

Too busy for me

Sit down by the water take a load of your feet

And dream for awhile

Listen to the music

There's a symphony playing ...

The birds have never sung sweeter

The river never ran so true

The wind up on the willow is for soothing your soul

~ Kelita ~ Too Busy For Me ~

***

Pre-diagnosis, my life was similar to others, busy.  Maybe too busy for me.  I dreaded being bored and would do almost anything to keep busy.  I think this boredom also contributed to my eating disorder.  Yet reflecting back, keeping busy really didn’t keep me happy.

It is a habit as much of modern civilization can be credited to our very human behaviour of keeping busy.  Invention not only stems from necessity but from boredom as well.  Just think of the latest gadget on the market and the hype around it.

But are we “wired” for the pace we are living?  

Mentally we can transfer information quickly ... but emotionally, we do need time to process experiences.  No thanks to rapid communication pressures, most of us don’t have the luxury of time.  Simply put, life can become so fast, busy and pressured.  Leading to stress, anxiety and depression ... resulting in deprivation of pleasure.

You know you are too busy when ... 

a balancing act becomes a juggling act.

Now some would argue that the secret to a happy life is to keep busy.  So are YOU torn between activity and inactivity?  Personally I feel being busy isn’t enough.  Mainly because my mind can wander just as easily, busy or idle ... and I often struggle with staying present due to this wandering mind.

"...a human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost."

So can you keep busy staying present then?  Well paying attention to whatever you are doing NOW is likely to make you happier than letting your mind wander off to unpleasant, negative and worrying thoughts.  

Being mindful is a good thing.

So mentally if you feel you are “just trying to get by”, “keep your head above water” and “barely making it”, just ask yourself how satisfied are you with your busy life.  Restoring your energy is vital to reducing stress and increasing satisfaction.  

Burn-out can happen even in a good life.  

Most people don't regret spending too much time with their loved ones.  So if you are too busy to integrate the good times you are suppose to be having, you may not be having a good time at all.

" Belief ... "

Everyone believes

In how they think it ought to be

Everyone believes

And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor

But makes for the heaviest sword

Like punching under water

You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition

And some have to know they tried

It's the chemical weapon

For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes

From emptiness to everything

Everyone believes

And no one's going quietly ...

~ John Mayer ~ Belief ~

***

This past Monday, Russell and I had an opportunity to take a guided tour of the new Calgary Alberta Temple.  Being a very large and prominent building which can be seen for miles, the local Mormon congregation has opened it doors for the general public.  This open house event last for about a month and after our visit, we highly recommend a peek.  

No, we have not converted nor is there pressure to.  On the contrary, they told us they will NOT contact us unless we state otherwise.  And, I really didn’t know what to expect, but I was quite curious as their seems to be a whole lot of historical secrecy around the religion.  This seemed like the right opportunity to find out why.

As we drove into the NW neighbourhood, there were easy signs posted, directed us to the temple entrance.  Approaching the main drive way, we were greeted by happy parking attendants.  We entered the smaller chapel where we were constantly met with kind volunteers, ushering us to a video room.  There we were introduced to our tour guides and shown a 10 minute video, mainly about the religion and the hows and whys the temple was built.  Next we were led outside towards the new temple which was connected with sidewalks and protected with tents just in case the weather turned.  Outside of the grand building we were given white booties to place over our shoes, protecting the newly placed floors.  Inside the environment was beautiful and serene where we were consistently greeted by members of the congregation.  All in all, the tour lasted about 40 minutes.

Instead of sharing with you further “details” of the temple ... I thought I would address the question that may be circulating in your mind.  Why?  My reply ... why not?  

For me, visiting a mosque, temple, church or synagogue does not challenge my religious beliefs.  On the contrary, it allows me to seek further enlightenment.  It inspires me and this latest visit reminded me of our past trip to India were we had an opportunity to explore the Baha'i Temple.  The Baha'i faith believes in the spiritual unity of all humankind or the oneness of humanity ... believing that all humans have been created equal and there is no distinction between people.  

IF we truly believe this and stand for equality, then we would believe that the human race is one unified organic unit.   That people have the same basic capacities,  and our physical differences are superficial.  Unfortunately, ignorance, prejudice and power-seeking prove otherwise.

Personally speaking, I believe that regardless of what you believe and whom you follow, our intentions are similar.  So instead of “segregation” why not “integration”.  We are all connected.  I am glad I relinquished my fear and instead opened my heart and my mind.  I feel fortunate for the opportunity as it allowed me to step closer towards recognizing the oneness of humanity.

" Give It Back ... "

Give it back

You need to give it back ...

I let you in and showed you all of me ...

Give it back ...

You need to give it back ...

My time and devotion ...

Give it back ...

The love that I gave ...

Give it back ...

Give it back ...

You need to give it back ...

~ Hoobastank ~ Give It Back ~

***

Keep the cycle going, Pay It Forward, Give it Back ... 

Most of us have heard these phrases but do we understand and regularly put it into practice?  And I think most of us have expectations of receiving something in return ... getting something back.

Yet perhaps for a moment, visualize the wide-spread effect this movement could have ... at any time, by any age, gender or culture group, it can be implemented in anyone’s life.  All we have to do is something nice for someone else ... the catch? with no strings attached.

Yes we can because the wonderful thing is that we do this more often than we think we.  How so?  Well these acts of kindness don’t have to be big.  You see, the act of sharing daily gratitude doesn’t cost a lot or take up very much time, but does have an everlasting effect on the person who receives it.

We live in a world that recycles the gift of positive energy ... 

what you give out you will receive back.  

It just happens.  

Gratitude and abundance are intricately intertwined ... 

one cannot exist without the other.

So need some cool ideas on how to give it back?

• pay for a stranger at the drive thru
• put a quarter in the next parking meter you pass
• downsize your closet or furniture and donate to charity
• share your youthful self by helping the elderly
• carry their groceries, run an errand, or clean their yard
• SMILE and greet the next random person you meet
• dedicate your yoga practice to someone else
• pray for someone who may be in need
• let someone else take the “best” parking spot this time
• donate your old books to the local library
• tell someone how much they mean to you
• let go of your own self-worries and celebrate courage
• someone else is ALWAYS fighting a bigger battle than you

Now either this sounds too easy or you may be skeptical.  Can we all really coordinate, communicate and cooperate?  Well we all have the capacity to experience gratitude ... and the true benefit from the power of gratitude is understanding it's about paying it forward instead of paying it back.  It is not about evening the score or owing someone something.  It is just about gratefully receiving.

When we pay it forward, nobody gets left out.  Unconditional deeds mean that regardless of what someone might have done to you or might not have done for you, the kind act will always exist.  You still may think this is too idealistic, but why not give it a go?... You may be surprised at the emotion you experience ~ LOVE ~ the best emotion of all.

" Seeing things ... "

A hundred years will never ease

Hearing things I won't believe

I saw it with my own two eyes ...

I used to dream

Of better days that never came

Sorry ain't nothin' to me ...

So please I've done my time ...

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time

I"m seeing things for the first time

Oh I'm seeing things for the first time

Yeah, seeing things for the first time

In my life, in my life ...

Black Crowes ~ Seeing Things ~

***

doctor: “well, this is a perfect check-up ... I don’t say it often but your eyesight has actually gotten better”

me: “oh wow, that’s great! ... do you think it might be all the carrots I juice?”

doctor: “no, no ... that would only help with your eye health, but not with vision”

me: “ oh okay ... well I guess it can’t hurt right?”

doctor: “sure all those vegetables are probably a good thing”

***

Yes, this is actually a real conversation.  One I had last week with my eye doctor during my annual check-up.  Mixed emotions as I was relieved to hear that all was good, yet disappointed that he didn’t feel my current lifestyle & diet had anything to do with it.  Just once, wouldn’t it be nice to have a believer ... open to the possibility that maybe just maybe it could play a part good health?

Now that is not to say that I haven’t met wonderful, supportive health practitioners on my current health journey ... I just remember growing up and hearing “eat your carrots, they are good for your eyes”.  So you’d think juicing 50lbs a week “can’t hurt”?

Let’s see, perhaps a recap of the benefits carrots and juicing them ...

• juicing carrots allows you to take in more vegetables at one time than you would by eating raw or cooked vegetables
• carrots have two obvious nutrients vitamin A and beta carotene
• beta-carotene is also a major antioxidant
• vitamin A and beta-carotene help maintain vision along with the carrots' fair share of lutein 
• beta-carotene also maintains epithelial tissue, the tissue surrounding internal organs ... (epithelial tissues are susceptible to cancerous growths)
• carrots are also rich in poly-acetylene anti-oxidant falcarinol
• research at the University of Newcastle has shown carrot falcarinol destroys pre-cancerous cells in tumors
• carrots do help keep cancer away
• carrots are also rich in B vitamins and folate
• folate is the natural and safe provider of folic acid
• carrots help restore the liver - our body’s master cleanser
• carrot juice has been called the "golden juice of healing"

***

Again ...

doctor: “no, no ... that would only help with your eye health, but not with vision”

me: “ oh okay ... well I guess it can’t hurt right?”

***

Thankfully, over the weekend I shared this story at a neighbours gathering with a friend who is a dietitian.  She seemed about as confused as I did.  She understands the benefits of good nutrition.  I appreciated her openness to this and my health journey.  Not many are and that is okay.  I have learned to pick and choose who to share with ... no need to open yourself up to negativity and fear as I take care of that on my own during my dark times.  And who knows, maybe it was a fluke check-up ... but I heard of another lady, upon successfully completing Gerson, with improved vision.

Nonetheless, it was nice to hear the word “perfect”, as I realized how many conversations are played over and over again in my mind, and how they affect me subconsciously.  What perfection is doesn’t really matter ... just knowing that this path is heading in a positive direction is the key.