Friday, January 30, 2015

" Wake up ... "

Movements come and movements go
Leaders speak, movements cease
When their heads are flown
'Cause all these punks
Got bullets in their heads
Departments of police, the judges, the feds
Networks at work, keepin' people calm
You know they went after King
When he spoke out on Vietnam
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the shot

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

~ Rage Against The Machine ~ Wake Up ~

Those moments when you were awake enough but hit the snooze button anyways.  Those moments when you pushed away precious opportunities.  Those moments when you were actually postponing your life.  Those moments.

We all have those moments.  Some are on purpose, others unintentionally, yet we identify with them.  Time when we didn’t take action because we were afraid ... we told ourselves weren’t enough.  And we build on those moments.  We sabotage ourselves, we get in the way and we ignore all the signs.  Until ... (roll the music) ... THE wake up call.  

There is a great deal of casual talk about wake up calls.  What it is and whether or not you’ve had yours.  I saw casual talk because in some circles, it seems to as frequent as ordering a daily latte.  I use to wonder how come all these people say they are having wake up calls but they’re behavior stays the same.  Well, I can honestly say that I’ve had mine.  And albeit loud and clear, I’ll admit, I still have a habit of hitting that snooze button ... when it isn’t convenient or simply because I am paralyzed with fear.

Prior to my diagnosis, I would say no to opportunities that pushed me out of my comfort zone.  Afterwards, I struggled with the idea that I could start living this life fully, regardless of the cancer in my body.  Yet I knew that this moment was designed for a purpose.  I’ve reflected on how one moment, one event,  has changed my entire world.  There has been great pain and enormous sadness, that I couldn’t just push away.  I had to accept that life was happening through me.  It wasn’t something to escape.  I started to lean into that moment of extreme grief which brought extreme clarity.  I knew that I needed to make a drastic change, that my life wasn’t over ... yet, and I had to stop acting like it was.  I had to start to care, about me, I had to start living for me because reflecting back, I think I was just giving up.

we don’t have to wait until your wake up call 
becomes a full blown alarm.

We are aware of the many things that are happening in the world that appear to be unfair, yet when we wake up, we become aware of all the beautiful things.  Without the ugly, we would never know the beautiful ... and beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyhow.  

are you running on your autopilot or inner pilot

I am learning that going through the pain is a necessary part of moving into a space of joy.  Wake up calls help us to experience the full spectrum of emotions, not just the ones we feel we can control.  The last few years have been some of the hardest moments that I have ever experience, but they have also been the most beautiful moments.  I am no longer okay with postponing life.  Maybe because I don’t know how the real plans for this dis-ease.  I realize I have no control, so I am learning that living consciously is about taking control of my life.  It is about thinking about my decisions rather than making them without thought, about having a life that I want rather than settling for the one that befalls me.  

Awareness is the enemy of sanity, 
for once you hear the screaming, it never stops
-- Emilie Autumn

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