Saturday, January 24, 2015

" Dismissed ... "

“Now you're talkin' like I've never played the game before
Save your empty words 'cause I don't wanna hear no more
Basically you're trying to take control of me
But you're not what i wanna be

Do your best to try to pull me down
I'm never goin' back even if I see you around, no
No, I'm never goin' down like this
You've been dismissed “

~ Zoegirl ~ Dismissed ~

Think about the last time you expressed yourself and heard ... "cheer up, don’t feel that way, sorry to hear that or I hope you feel better soon".  How did it make you feel?  If you read between the lines, some are saying ... I don’t want to hear about it.  So therefore, all it is is a disguise of casual politeness.

Of course this doesn’t happen ALL the time, but such exchanges occur a LOT of the time.  You just have to listen carefully ...  

So here’s the deal ...

Whenever you talk about how you’re really feeling or what you really think, especially if it is deemed “negative” ... people get uncomfortable.  You see them fidget, squirm or maybe even criticize you sideways.  They may try to shut you up, censor you, change the topic, distract you ... or the most delusional of all ... make it seem like it’s “allllll good”.

Setting boundaries are different than invalidating someone.  It is odd to think that you are indefinitely available to other people and they are to you.  However, if they ask and you share and then they deflect your thoughts and/or feelings, you have been dismissed ... after all, they asked didn't they?  

Sounds insensitive but they got what they asked for and they didn’t like it.  Now it is about you and you are are the problem ... maybe they question how you really feel, shouldn’t feel, should feel and will feel ... in a subtle way, you have just been censored.

“Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming 
that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. 
When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain 
you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others.” 
― S.L. Alder

A great place to begin is to ... lighten up.  You are not the problem.  You may be temporarily experiencing a negative emotion.  But the sun came up and it will most probably set again today.  You see, your emotions may be alerting you to problems in your thinking, but you may not have a problem with the way of feeling.  It is always what you do with that feeling, respectfully and peacefully.

Realize some are simply uncomfortable with HOW you are feeling.  Rather than taking responsibility for their own discomfort when you talk about something that's too emotional, they will blame you.  Because they are unwilling to get emotional, or to be fully present, or to genuinely accept that you feel the way you do.  

Usually others don’t want to experience your negative emotions because it is painful.  Painful when they realize that you may become their problem when you voice what 
they cannot accept in their own self.

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