"Toxic ...don't you know that you're toxic"

"With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic"

~ Britney Spears ~ Toxic ~ 

***

During the course of the Gerson therapy, there is a great emphasis on toxicity.  A cancer patient has a toxic liver.  We detoxify, detoxify and detoxify ... among MANY other factors to heal our physical bodies.  But what about the emotional and spiritual detoxification process.  If you believe in the alternative treatments and natural modalities, you probably believe in the mind, body and soul connection.  Our body responds to the way we feel and think.  When we are stressed, upset or under emotional pressure, our body tries to tell us that about it and we experience some physical problem.  If you have poor emotional health, your body's immune system will become weak, causing you a feeling of torn from inside and outside.  

Science will tell you that cells contain the DNA for the design, or “blueprint” of your physical body. What science hasn’t been able to prove yet is the theory of cellular memory which many believe holds the key to our past memories, habits, interests, and tastes believed to be stored in the cells your body.  I believe when we detoxify, these memories are triggered, stirred and amplified.  So you're probably thinking "Great, as if I don't have enough to deal with ...".  Well, trust me, the initial pain and discomfort will lead to the ultimate path of healing ... forgiving and letting go.

Now don't get me wrong, I have had a very hard time with forgiveness, especially forgiving myself.  I can let go, but I hold on to the past, the pain and the awful memory that seems to play over and over and OVER again in my mind.  Yet it seems when you are diagnosed with cancer, a lot of things are put into perspective.  I realize that I have had toxic friendships in my life time that I didn't think were all that bad.  You know what I'm talking about ... whether it be snide remarks about you to someone else, finding fault and criticism in all that you do, unreliable, jealous, over-demanding, complains about their life and dumps on you all the time, no time for your problems and issues, excuses for not being there for you ... and really the list goes on ...

But what is really odd is that we stay in these friendships for longer than needed.  And even though we may feel unsupported, unaccepted, stifled, shame, unequal, depleted, drained, tired and angry, we find some comfort in knowing the situation and the friend.  So our cells hold on to  these negative feelings and when we detoxify, all of them start to pour out and believe me, it is hard to deal with.  Now in some cases we decide to forgive, let go and move on  ...  and others are salvageable.  With the ones we choose to keep, and work on ... we have to be careful to not compromise ourselves and who we are.  These toxic relationships are addictive.  From experience, I "detoxified" a friendship last year, it was tough, real tough to walk away from a longtime friend, but I had to.  I had to take care of me.  And I thought that was good enough and all my problems would be solved.  But guess what, those feelings I mentioned came back and I played them out with others that were none the wiser, only to have me explain my actions if they were totally uncalled for.  I am courageous enough to realize my mistakes and take responsibility and that is exactly what I did.  I was honest and aware of my actions.  And I believe awareness is more than half the battle.  

Real friends understand not only what you say but what you don't say at all ... they get it and they get YOU.  Why?  Because they are Real people, making the same mistakes you do and have allowances for you to just BE who you are and work through it.  I cherish those friends, the ones that have stepped up to be in my life at a time of crisis.  You know the one that don't desert you at a time need, lift you up when you are at the end of your rope and the ones that pray for you.  For better and for worse, in sickness and in health.  What a beautiful marriage vow ... I guess we have friendship vows, unwritten ones but ones that are signed with love, compassion and forgiveness.

So there's a "whole lotta detoxifying" going on right now for me ... emotionally at times I can be all over the place and am so blessed to have a man in my life that gets me, gives me the space and won't go running for the hills when this gals goes momentarily crazy.  You see, you don't just detoxify your body, you detoxify your soul .... and I'm hoping during the process that the right people will be in my life, right for them and right for me.