" Too Much ... "

“ ... Sorry about that. Honey, I love you too much

Need your lovin' too much

Want the thrill of your touch

Gee, I can't hold you too much

You do all the livin'

While I do all the givin'

Cause I love you too much

Ev'ry time I kiss your sweet lips

I can feel my heart go flip flip

I'm such a fool for your charms

Take me back baby in your arms

Like to hear you sighin'

Even though I know you're lyin'

Cause I love you too much ... “

~ Elvis Presley ~ Too Much ~

***

There is something that many of us have felt.  The fear of loving too much.  When you form an attachment to a living being, eventually one will die.  Perhaps why we feel life is so precious and unpredictable at the same time.  These attachments are always changing and the change it brings can result in fear.  

We choose to love and take the risk of loss.  I am understanding that the way we deal with loss has a lot to do with whether or not the loss heals and strengthens us or harms and weakens us.  Reactions and responses to loss are so individual where there is no place for judgement.  Allowing to be what it is, a process.

Dealing with loss in your own way is true to your being ... 

Dealing with loss in harmony with your deepest truth begins to diminish the mysticism and in turn the fear ... 

From a spiritual perspective, suffering and loss can open our hearts.  When we begin to look at it at a global level, suffering is a part of human incarnation, as is death.  Death is not the end, but part of a process.  

Asking for wisdom to understand 

and strength to continue is more purposeful ... 

So where is the fear coming from? ... Our ego.  To our ego, love is dangerous.  Rejection and conflict can be threatening and cause pain.  The idea of too much love is our ego’s way of protecting itself, shedding doubt, and becoming defensive or offensive.  Ego becomes uncomfortable and therefore reacts in a way of either attraction or aversion.  Ego fears we will abandon separation and self- protection and it fears its own undoing in love.

Yet the ability to love unconditionally and lose completely is necessary in our own spiritual growth.  The experience allows us to be aware of our own true being, our soul speak.  And this awareness is critical to our evolution.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Respond/React … "

Bring it back to Respond/React

Then bring it back to Respond/React to this

Bustin thoughts that pierce your mental

The fierce rippin your sacks and

Simple as addition and subtraction ...

Bring the international charm, see a squad I harass

REACT, you best adapt when I sling this rap ...

~ The Roots ~ Respond/React ~

***

When something happens in our life, it is hard not to act in a conditioned way.  A way in which we react out of habit.  A way in which we give up our freedom because we are not making a conscious decision.  And just how do we do this ... by reacting rather than responding.

Now there may be a slight difference between the words yet in practice there is a massive difference.  Reactions are defensive in nature ... uncomfortable, emotional, and out of control.  And these very emotions without reason drive us forward unproductively.  Responding is full of thoughtfulness and reasoning.  Responding is guided less by emotion and more by logic.

So where is the difference ... mindfulness

The easiest way to be mindful is to focus on your breath.  Maintaining balanced breathing rhythm is essential as this allows us to regain our concentration.  This breath brings awareness of our body, how we feel, where we hold pain, discomfort, tension.  With focus on our breathing, we also bring our body into a steady state which calms our systems down.  With each breathe and raised awareness, we bring ourselves into control and release tensions. We let go and become more centered in who we really are and want to be. Releasing tension returns us to our principles and calmer ways of interacting.   

With self-awareness training, we can become aware of these automatic reactions that rule our lives and earn to put conscious effort into deciding for ourselves before we act.

Our goal is to take the time to think, make a rational decision, and respond with a purpose.  Personally, meditation has given me the ability to stop reacting automatically to things in my life.  To think things through.  To give the space I need.  By giving conscious awareness of this process, I can choose my response to situations as they arise … conscious awareness ~ conscious effort ~ conscious decision ...

Between stimulus and response there is a space.  

In that space is our power to choose our response.  

In our response lies our growth and our freedom 

~ Viktor E. Frankl

"Priority … "

Steer the course make a way
And come ashore on a greater day
Home grown from the greatest grain
Full flavor in the native strain

Peace before anything
God before everything
Love before anything
Real before everything

Home before anyplace
Style and state radiate
Love power slay the hate, priority
Love power

~ Mos Def ~ Priority ~

***

Priority ... something that is regarded as more important than another.  Now think of your relationships, are they are priority in your life?  Is there someone that is for you but you not for them, and how do you know?

… in some instances, if we had to know if the other person felt the same degree of compassion and consideration as we do for them, then we would probably never even speak ...

In a perfect world, relationships are suppose to be “equal” and fully committed to the process of developing and growth ... suppose being the key word.  Yet we find ourselves in situations where we are giving our all to someone but not getting the same in return.  And we keep going back for more, and more knowing that relationships are risky. 

So how do you know when you are an option instead of a priority in someone’s life?  Well besides the obvious behaviour, they 

• magically appear when they need something
• call to see how you are but rant about themselves instead
• bail on things that are important to you
• share important life details with others and not you.

And interestingly, some people think this is the “norm”.  They get use to these types of relationships.  They are troubled by the fact that they are involved with someone who treats them like “an option” and yet they still can’t seem to terminate the relationship.

The beauty is, the choice is YOURS.  It is much better to live peacefully than to have those in your life that take you for granted.  Stop making excuses for poor behaviour, don’t accept less than what you deserve, and weed out the ones who only care about their own needs being met because a relationship should complement, not complicate ...

" Celebrate … "

Everybody spread the word

We're gonna have a celebration

All across the world

In every nation

It's time for the good times

Forget about the bad times, oh yeah

One day to come together

To release the pressure

We need a holiday ...

You can turn this world around

And bring back all of those happy days

Put your troubles down

It's time to celebrate

Let love shine

And we will find

A way to come together

And make things better

We need a holiday ...

Holiday Celebrate

Holiday, Celebration

Come together in every nation

~ Madonna ~ Celebrate ~

***

Holiday celebrations are in full swing as cookies are baked, lights are displayed and gifts are bought.  This time of year we hope to witness the best that people have to offer.  We celebrate connections, we celebrate life.

So it is also a great time of year to reflect on what has occured in your life during the year.  Some years have been filled with significant landmark events while others have been more subtle, appearing to be less significant.  Yet what emerges from quiet reflection is an appreciation of my life.  

In the begining of the year, life started in one space and has ended in another ... the unfoldment of life and the changes that have occurred.  I am able to see how my life is supported and tailored to my growth.   And although there are situations that may have blinded my objectivity, the key is to release it when the bigger picture is explored.

Anticipating 2014, I am working towards a new sense of freedom, a deeper sense of joy ... I see my life working even as I know there are still many mysteries to explore.  But that is okay because I am starting from a new place within me.  And this new place verifies that action from a place of inner knowing works.  No matter what happens, I am safe, I am protected and I am definitely loved.  

❇ ❈ ❅ ❄ ❆ MERRY WINTER SOLSTICE ❇ ❈ ❅ ❄ ❆

May the solstice and turning of the wheel bring love, peace and good fortune in our coming year as we welcome the returning sun with joy ☼

" Upgrade .. "

I used to wonder why ...
Often I felt alone
Then you spent an entire day telling me how I rate
I wish I should have known ...

Take a look, a closer one
Ask, Yeah the stranger you're seeing is me
Now I refuse to settle for anybody anymore ...

Oh, I've been forced to draw a line in the sand
For myself I'm taking a stand
If I fall again, that is if I can, oh oh
I'm gonna get myself an upgrade
An upgrade
An upgrade ...

~ Eric Saade ~ Upgrade ~

***

We live in a time when there are constant upgrades for phones, computers, TV’s, so how about upgrading your life?

Where is your mind?

We are constantly surviving negative, stressful events as we detect, imprint and catalogue them.  We know that when we put our attention on something it increases ... we tune our attention in a certain way, we initiate a glow of biochemicals that carve brain pathways for more neurons to travel more easily down the same path the next time around.  At the same time, our attitude and focus also create a subconscious template of perception that filters the millions of incoming bits of life’s information and captures those bits that match our initial proposition.

What about the linear path of life?

Usually we follow in the footsteps of our parents ~ go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, get more money, acquire things, get more money, acquire more things and then ... the same well-worn paths.

Yet we have the opportunity to pave our own paths and create their our own futures instead of being bound by the old system with its old rules.  We cannot expect different results if we continue with the same process.  New paradigm.

It’s time for an upgrade ...

Upgrade by self-creating ... when we focus on our consciousness towards gratitude and beauty, we weave peace into our cells, a cell regeneration if you will.  And that is a good thing because about one percent of all of our cells die and are replaced every day.  So within three months at a cellular level, we have new bodies.  

Upgrade by perspective ... how you perceive daily life, with appreciation or frustration, with gratitude or discontent, joy or sadness.  We have the power to grow and cultivate a peaceful environment.  And of course this is not a novel idea, we are always creating or re-creating in our lives.  Habitual patterns of thinking or reacting is similar to a computer ... you can un-install the programs you don’t like and permanently affect your hard drive aka mind.

Growth can be messy, painful and inconvenient at times, yet stagnation will eventually zap the life right out of you.  Once you get tired of the status quo, embrace your creativity.  It is what drives you forward.  You will start to envision your future and you will stop living in a state of managed dissatisfaction ... look for ways, take risks and embrace failures because it is a time to grow, reflect, reinvent and ultimately push forward in new directions.  

So what’s stopping YOU from upgrading your life?

" Glitter and Trauma ... "

Your potential is underused, 

your skin will break into 

jigsaw shaped pieces of meat, 

you'll fall apart.

You can save them all.

I believe that you can.

Even though... you never listen.

You never listen ...

But you are, the human, strobe.

You are the human strobe ...

We are, like lightening, surrounded.

You are the human strobe.

~ Biffy Clyro ~ Glitter and Trauma ~ 

***

Experiencing a traumatic event such as a cancer diagnosis can be emotionally devastating.  Without support, the traumatic event can get struck in the nervous system leading to long-lasting distress.  Yet there can be a benefit to stressful life experiences ... psychological growth and positive changes can result.

Trauma ~ you can either go through it or grow through it

Upon reflection, I am focusing on growth during this leg of my journey ...

Growth ... difficult experiences deepen relationship bonds and give me the opportunity to see how deeply people care for me ... new appreciation for the relationships I have.

Growth ... difficult experiences lead to new activities, lifestyles and/or relationships that make my life more meaningful, rich and satisfying.

Growth ... difficult experiences help me learn how strong I am and what I can bear.

Growth ... difficult experiences give me a spiritual message to change the direction of my life & deepening of my faith.

Growth ... difficult experiences provide a greater appreciation of the life I have and connection with the simple pleasures of life.

Surviving a trauma may represent a second chance to rebuild your life and implement the lessons learned.  Even if you make mistakes or do some things you regret, you did what you had to do to survive and that is something to be proud of.

As well, a traumatic event helps you find everyday happiness in the life you have now.  I think about what I have learned by going through my current challenge and how I can use this to help not only myself but others around me, to create something of personal or societal value.  

Primarily, I have learned that growth and hope can co-exist with grief.  These are my ups and downs.  I learn to anticipate and I learn to manage.  More importantly, I am gentle with myself on  days when it is just too difficult to see the positive in the chaos of the trauma.  I trust that all is as it should be for my highest good ...

" These Are The Moments ... "

And these are the moments,
I know heaven must exist.
And these are the moments,
I know all I need is this,
I have all I've waited for,
And I could not ask for more ...
And these are the moments,
I thank God that I'm alive.
And these are the moments,
I'll remember all my life.
I've got all I've Waited for,
And I could not ask for more.

~ Sarah Evans ~ These Are The Moments ~

***

Some moments are “memorable”, others as “unforgettable” ...   times in our lives that define us as a person and add to our life experience ... life lessons resulting in a sense of maturity and new found wisdom.  Most of us agree these are our defining moments ~ a point in life when decision meets action.

Some examples of powerful defining moments are:

• facing consequential decisions regarding a relationship
• confronting the need for change in a career
• tackling a life threatening illness

Regardless, what the moment represent is more important than the actual circumstances.  And these moments don’t have to be so monumental as the above.  Every day we have defining moments that are created by action. Small or big these moments determine who we are to a large extent.  

Yet the vast majority of people go through life without the awareness of the power of the defining moment.  You see we face these moments more often than we realize, and it is because we face them so frequently and so rapidly that we fail to recognize them for what they are.

Character revealing ... How you handle a difficult circumstance has a lasting impact on others and likely you.  Often the hardest conversation we can have during difficult periods is the one we have with ourselves ... this defines us.

Challenge your status quo ... We would play out the same script if all our decisions and actions were merely a replay of what we already know.  Taking a step back, breathing and gaining a fresh perspective for what is at stake and what it calls for us to do and be ... this defines us.  

But the true power of the defining moment is in repetition.  When repetition becomes consistent, we create patterns that become habits.  Habits become personality traits and these define who we are.  Stretching ourselves displays our willingness to push the boundaries of our comfort zone, because in our most difficult times comes the greatest learning and growth.  Have a profound respect for the unknown is where learning begins, as personality is the public face, but character comes from within.

" True Colors ... "

"But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow"

~ Cyndi Lauper ~ True Colors ~

***

In the middle of week 45 of my Gerson Therapy and I am reflecting on what the last 10plus months have been about.  I remember having a conversation with some friends at the clinic, worried that I wouldn't make it a week on this treatment ... now eyeing my one year anniversary in March.  I remember talking to them about how was I going to put my life on "hold" ... what would my life look like ... and who would be around.  As I have said in the past, peoples true colours shine thru at times of crisis.  I wondered who would be around and who would flee, who would understand and who would give up, and who would wait and who would move on.  It is a very lonely journey, a very difficult journey and I am sure for a lot that read this ... thankful it is not them.

I was told that "the right people in your life will be there through the journey".  And I am blessed to have my husband and family with me regardless of the outcome.  So why is it so painful then when I think of those that have moved on ... maybe because I haven't yet.  Those friendships that were not what they seemed.  Leaving me blaming myself, asking why the hell I had to get this dis-ease ... is it fair to ask them to wait, to be present, to be inclusive ... true colours shining thru.

So how do you deal with friendships that have disappeared in your time of crisis ... well I have realized that my flaw is that I hang on for waaaaay too long and besides patience, forgiveness is the hardest thing to do.  I do understand that we all move on ... on our own time.  But sometimes the process takes longer than I expect - being fulling cleansed of all lingering hang-ups and scars, not just at the surface level.  The journey of conscious growth never ends.

Compounding our baggage ... sound familiar?  We all do this by our projections of people, assumptions of situations and expectations of how relationships should be.  So if you are still holding on to what could have been, it is time to release yourself.  Aha!  easier said than done right?  You see depending on how deep the emotional impact was, it might take several phases before you can really move on.  Part of the journey ... yet making progress every step along the way, an act of healing in itself.

So I begin by acknowledging, accepting and then letting go of my feelings ... the longer and more intense the relationship, the more baggage I have accumulated ... a mix of sadness, regret, hope, melancholy, shame, fear and disappointment.  Whatever the emotions, learning to open myself to the emotion fully ... taking the time to process, embrace and accept them ... not block or bottle them in because when you least expect it, it can be explosive.  You think you have moved on, but what's really happening is the issue has just become so deeply buried that it doesn't cause any immediate reaction.  

Second, I share with loved ones.  Realizing that I don't have to go thru this alone.  My family & friends are there for a reason, to help me, support me and pull me thru this period.  Their overwhelming patience makes me grateful for who they are and our friendships ... and this experience undoubtedly has strengthened us.  

Third, I practice forgiveness.  A powerful idea.  When we refuse to forgive someone, we are not really forgiving ourselves * Sigh * ... carrying the anger and bitterness is a breeding ground for sickness.  Chances are the other person doesn't even know how you are feeling towards them, so really you are the one carrying the baggage around.  Maybe on a deeper level, these feelings are towards yourself, allowing this person to hurt you.  Whenever you hold on to something, you prevent yourself from receiving new things in life.  I tell myself that when I forgive myself for putting myself thru this trauma and everything that has happened, naturally I will forgive them too.

Finally. I know that I am good enough even when something doesn't work out.  Acceptance of ME.  Everyone looks for different people in their lives.  There is no criteria on what are the right or wrong traits to embody, just different expectations.

Reflecting on this journey, from diagnosis to present day, it has truly been a very long healing process.   Still a work in progress.  Every day, I work towards finding peace in my life.  I try not to beat myself up or think I am not good enough when it comes to relationships.  Believing that all of us enter into each others lives for a reason is helping me become a better, not bitter, person.  Some days I win the battle ... and other days, well I accept where I am at and keep trying.

I started this blog with the intention to share, express and help others in their journey by sharing mine.  We all have pain and sadness from an experience, but I deeply feel there is always a way out.  It takes courage to move to a better place and connecting with like-souls, I hope we help each other from whatever we are entrenched in to gain strength in moving on from past wounds.

"Ego ..."

"It's too big 
It's too wide
It's too strong
It won't fit
It's too much
It's too tough 

Such a huge ego"

~ Beyonce ~ Ego ~ 

***

Development of a healthy ego starts from understanding emotions and dealing with them effectively because it is hard to maintain your confidence when you feel as though your emotions are getting the better of you.  So how we manage those emotions can make a critical difference physically and mentally on your well-being.  The emotions themselves are neutral ... it's the way we perceive them in their proper context so necessary information can be understood.  We understand what can be done to make a situation better because even lower energy emotions can promote healing.

It takes self-confidence to blaze your own path and assume all the risks and responsibility that comes with going it alone as mentioned in my last blog.  A healthy ego is an advantage when dealing with challenges both in the business and personal world.  But there is a fine line, or a delicate balance if tipped leading to too much ego which can then become a bit of a liability.  It is important to put yourself first, but at the expense of others?  We can debate on whether in the long run this would limit everyone's growth, even your own.


Along those lines, can someone else ego perhaps even narcissism stunt your emotional growth?  How is it possible that someone else fascination with themselves have such a profound effect on you?  Well, it is just not possible.  The reality is that maybe what you see in others as egotistical or narcissism is really your own feelings of inadequacy.  Maybe you are uncomfortable with someone else success because it is a reminder to you that you haven't reached that level yet of satisfaction.  Maybe, you are projecting these feelings instead of dealing with them head on.


Understanding that the ego is part of us that identifies with our body and the personality of ourself.  When the ego criticizes other people, the ego feels an equal measure of guilt when the roles are reversed.  To avoid feelings of inadequacy, we should not seek to just avoid doing the wrong thing, we should also seek to go beyond our ego ... this will enable us to detach from feelings of pride and humiliation.  This will help us to enjoy life, stop living up to the high expectations of the ego.

"If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego

and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the

need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge.

Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time."

 ~ Deepak Chopra