" Too Much ... "

“ ... Sorry about that. Honey, I love you too much

Need your lovin' too much

Want the thrill of your touch

Gee, I can't hold you too much

You do all the livin'

While I do all the givin'

Cause I love you too much

Ev'ry time I kiss your sweet lips

I can feel my heart go flip flip

I'm such a fool for your charms

Take me back baby in your arms

Like to hear you sighin'

Even though I know you're lyin'

Cause I love you too much ... “

~ Elvis Presley ~ Too Much ~

***

There is something that many of us have felt.  The fear of loving too much.  When you form an attachment to a living being, eventually one will die.  Perhaps why we feel life is so precious and unpredictable at the same time.  These attachments are always changing and the change it brings can result in fear.  

We choose to love and take the risk of loss.  I am understanding that the way we deal with loss has a lot to do with whether or not the loss heals and strengthens us or harms and weakens us.  Reactions and responses to loss are so individual where there is no place for judgement.  Allowing to be what it is, a process.

Dealing with loss in your own way is true to your being ... 

Dealing with loss in harmony with your deepest truth begins to diminish the mysticism and in turn the fear ... 

From a spiritual perspective, suffering and loss can open our hearts.  When we begin to look at it at a global level, suffering is a part of human incarnation, as is death.  Death is not the end, but part of a process.  

Asking for wisdom to understand 

and strength to continue is more purposeful ... 

So where is the fear coming from? ... Our ego.  To our ego, love is dangerous.  Rejection and conflict can be threatening and cause pain.  The idea of too much love is our ego’s way of protecting itself, shedding doubt, and becoming defensive or offensive.  Ego becomes uncomfortable and therefore reacts in a way of either attraction or aversion.  Ego fears we will abandon separation and self- protection and it fears its own undoing in love.

Yet the ability to love unconditionally and lose completely is necessary in our own spiritual growth.  The experience allows us to be aware of our own true being, our soul speak.  And this awareness is critical to our evolution.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Signs ... "

“ ... Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

Messin' up the scenery, breakin' my mind

Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign

And the sign says "Everybody welcome, come in, 

kneel down and pray"

But then they passed around a plate at the end of it all

And I didn't have a penny to pay

So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own sign

I said, "Thank you Lord for thinking 'bout me, 

I'm alive and doing fine", oh ... “

~ Tesla ~ Signs ~ 

***

Food addiction was never my problem ... it was only a symptom.  It gave me a way out that I could never find on my own.  I always wanted to be comfortable with me but I didn’t know how to get there.  My deep-seated fears and insecurities seemed to always take over.  

Once I got cancer-ed, I realized I had no real idea of how to deal with life on life’s terms.  Everything got stripped away in all areas of my life.  And today, nothing looks remotely the same as it did 5 years ago.  And looking back, it feels like a past life.  

Currently, still living with a dis-ease, I’ve had to explore new ways, healthier ways.  The more I started to change the way I felt inside, the simpler life is getting.  I realized the problem was never food, it was me.  I only used food so that I could escape my fears and me.  Once I was unable to hide behind food, I was faced with the reality of my situation.  At my core, I feared that I wasn’t good enough, wouldn’t be loved and that something was wrong with me.  

Yet as I started to shift into a peaceful path, a path of least resistance, life started to become easier.  Suffering comes from not accepting what is.  Life is always right, we just don’t have to like it that much.  Shifting into a place of acceptance and understanding that all that I am looking for, is already within me.  No need to prove, no need to show, no need to explain, no need to do.  Just be.  Simply be and accept who I am in this moment ... and discovering the things I don't like, as hard as it is to face, is what my spiritual growth needs.

And so the shift into a more serving, productive and peaceful path gives some meaning to being here.  Sharing what we know and realizing our connection to each other, Gaia, and all it’s sentient beings.  Some may few it as a fluffy view.  Yet with a softer gaze things seem a little less contrast, a little more balanced.  

Slowing things down ... a moment for gratitude because If cancer has given me anything, it's been time to do the things I would never have done otherwise.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Deep ... "

On the edge

Of a know-nothin' town

Feelin' quite superior

The aged come

To the sky above

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

Can't touch the bottom

In too deep

~ Pearl Jam ~ Deep ~

***

Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive”?  Have you ever heard someone equate your feelings to an ocean of emotions?  I have ... many times, along with “you take things too personally are are too emotional”.  And even though I use to think of it as a flaw, now I know it is an advantage. 

Deep feelings, straddled between the area of conscious and subconscious.  Think of them as emotional residue coming up at any time and affecting you, your thoughts, your judgement, and your relationships.  Often we are unaware how our emotional residue impacts our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.   

You see many of our poor reactions to situations, circumstances and communications stem from the deep areas within us that we are not necessarily consciously aware of.  And it is the emotions down deep that we don’t see ... that hinder us the most and effect how we treat others.

In my past, I had the tendency to think that things were not going to get better because I had memories, associated feelings and thoughts that said things are just not going to work out.  I would feel as if what was happening is just more of the same old ways, and that would give me the same old outcomes as they always had.  My past memories contributed to my feelings of defeat and doubt before anything had happened ... because I didn’t see the bubble ... those old feelings that came up in the midst of my opportunity.  

Prepared to deal with it, I started to uncover the underlying deep feelings of hurt.  For a long time, it was buried down deep and I wanted to leave it there.  Yet similar to a bubble that comes up to the surface of the water, I needed to recognize and understand the source of the feeling before I let it burst. 

Now I use my "advantageous flaw" and look at where those feelings come from, why those feelings are still there, and then how I can let them go.  I recognize they come from some area of disappointment where something didn’t work out the way I had hoped for.  For me, I now realize that no matter how screwed over I feel, life is not a broken record playing the same outcome every time ... it’s only my feelings and associated thoughts that are playing that repeated outcome.   

True healing comes at the source or root of the pain.  And for me, I am willing to open up to my personal constraints with humility.  Deep feelings of hurt are within us, whether you see them or not ... yet how they are affecting you is for you and your honest self to deal.

" Not This Time ... "

I don't know why I give in, but I do every time.

And here I am wondering why I did it again.

To keep me going,

To keep the shit away.

I don't know what it is,

But every time you're near, I fear you,

But not this time...

~ Kate Bush ~ Not This Time ~

***

There are times when we take on too many commitments and simply spread ourselves too thin.  Creating stress as we are unable to get anything done, at least not well or on time.  There comes a time when you just have to say no ... not this time.  

The Gentle Art of Saying No ~ an art that many people have problems with.

So what’s so hard about saying no?  Well, first it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person it is directed to.  And it’s is not usually a fun thing to do.  Second, if you hope to continue to have a good relationship with that person, saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.  Third, we all have an unconscious agenda to be safe and to be liked.  

You see, saying “no” is scary.  We are taking a risk that the person on the receiving end might not like us, consider us selfish and disagreeable.  But think back to a time when you had to say no ... soon after you expressed yourself, your fear probably turned to relief and empowerment.  And chances are the person at the other end respects you more for being honest ... with the both of you.  People suspect insincerity.

So you can start by deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on.  This decision stems from your priorities - what is important to you and your life.  

Life is too short to do things you don't really want to do ... follow your dreams and instead of wishing, hoping, or pleading for them to come true try being intentional, purposeful, and grateful ... create your life by designing your days.