" Used ... "

“ ... You come walkin' round here

Actin' like we're somethin', ohh

Then you up and disappear

And make it real clear that we're nothin'

I've been used

Damaged by you

Yeah cuz I've been used

Guess I knew

Cuz that's what you do ... “

~ Hayden Panettiere ~ Used ~

***

The catch phrase used these days is “mindfulness”.  With many defining it as “heart-mind”, being present and being fully aware in the moment.  Mindfulness can be viewed as a holistic approach or tool that can have profound affects on your mind, behaviours, habits, health and well-being.  

Yet mindfulness can and has been overused too.  Some consider it a social movement, others a lifestyle trend.  When mindfulness becomes something we do than the essence of what it is, fades.  Rather, mindfulness is a part of emotional intelligence, empathy, compassion and kindness ... which are our natural states of being.  Mindfulness is a constant not something you do once in awhile at meditation class.

And so mindfulness carries a big intention.  It has been said to be “the awareness that arises through paying attention on purpose in the present moment, and non-judgementally”

My teacher explains  that when practicing mindfulness, an intimately attentive frame of mind arises, where we experience relaxation and alertness, and overall equanimity.  Mindfulness is not a badge of enlightenment or a successful achievement.  There are no expectations or requirements.  Allowing us to BE fully and give permission for others to BE them.

Being mindful, being present as we are, authentically.  Giving our fully attention and awareness to the one in front of us in that moment.  Selecting our words with compassion and kindness. And appreciating what life has to offer, regardless of the challenge or joy.  

... its about moments. moments of being true. and being you. moments of listening to your heart. and following where it leads. moments to nurture your soul.and nourish your mind. so find your power. and stop hiding. admit your pain and fears. admit your love. and dare to live. shine your light sweet soul. all the way home ... 

www.walkstrong.ca

" It's Just A Thought ... "

“ ... It's just a thought

But I've noticed somethin' strange,

Gettin' harder to explain;

All the years are passin' bye and bye,

Still I don't know what makes it go;

Who said to wait and you'll see?

It's just a thought

But the word has come too late

That a bad idea will take

Just about a lifetime to explain,

And don't you see,

Good one's gonna be much longer;

Who's gonna wait, just to see? ... “

~ Creedence Clearwater Revival ~ It’s Just A Thought ~

***

Those moments when you move past the body, past the surface and you face the mirror of your own faults, your own limitations, your own darkness.  Your responsibilities, your choices ... everything in your life is all down to you.

How do we learn to deal with this revelation and how do we move through it.  We keep going, acknowledge it and own up.  And we tend to measure our strength by it.  Yet our minds will create doubts and escape thoughts when the mirror is reflected back.  Unless we shift from thinking to awareness.

Thinking is thought intensive while awareness is presence or simple attention in the moment.  Thinking is when our mind creates thoughts about the situation we are in.  Awareness is when our attention is focused on the situation simply observing with our senses.  We are aware thought what we see, hear, feel, smell and taste.  Thinking separates us from the immediacy of the situation as awareness gives us direct perception of the situation ... allowing us to perceive it more accurately.

... thought does not have an existence that is independent of awareness ... 

And so do we attempt to deny thinking?  Not possible.  Denying any form of thought is denying awareness itself.  To deny thought is to make an assumption that is not based on reality.  Awareness is empty and not a form or a thing.  IT has no qualities, no beginning and no end.  It is neither good or bad, right or wrong, here or there.  It is non dual.

... Your entire story, your body, and everything else that happens to "you" are merely objects appearing and disappearing in timeless, non conceptual awareness. 

The objects themselves are empty ... 

Awareness is awake right now, always, ready and present.  It is prior to anything you think about yourself.  The thought based, time bound story of you is fiction.  It is peaceful and still.  it is presence awareness.

And so if we take a moment to suspend thought in order to directly recognize awareness, we reveal who we are.  In that moment, we allow ourselves to fully arise ... and observe ... non conceptual awareness.

Through non conceptual awareness, we view the final seeing, pointing away from attachment to the intellect, form, thought. We realize that thoughts are not separate from awareness.  The distinction itself is a creation of thought.  

www.walkstrong.ca

" How Long … "

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I gotta take it on the other side...

Century's are what it meant to me
A cemetery where i marry the sea
A stranger thing that never changed my mind
I gotta take it on the other side
I gotta take it on take it on...

How long, how long will I slide
Separate my side ...

~ Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ How Long ~

***

From a place of honestly, ask yourself how long you hold on to grudges?  Rather than speak of how it is important to let go, move on and release ... maybe we need to understand how love, forgiveness and holding grudges support each other.

Most grudges stress us out, wreak havoc on our bodies, inhibit release of anger and taxes our immune system ... 

So how can a grudge work for you?  Well, this depends on the type of grudge.  You see some people will hold a bitter grudge against anyone who looks at them funny.  A full plate armour response to a playful slap.  But the problem is that you may use up all your negative energy before you have a real battle to endure.  So if you are in a constant rage, then there may be other underlying issues you may want to consider.  Otherwise, if you mood dips once in a while when it comes to that certain someone, than maybe holding a grudge is a good thing.

So can a grudge be good?  Yes ... because it is an acknowledgement of another person’s behaviour which keeps you at a safe emotional distance from people who mess with your head.  

And can a grudge be bad?  Yes ... because it can be used as a crutch, excuse or reason to hold on, to express anger, resentment, and blame someone else.

If you are not here, where are you ... grudge-holding is a relic from our caveman days, when people relied on each other for survival and remembering who slighted whom was crucial for success.  

Looking for resolution ... the key is to figure out what’s making you dwell on the issue in the first place and recognizing its negative effects.  Because in whatever form forgiveness comes, remember that it’s not the same as forgetting, which is something that might never happen. The memory can last, but if you’ve truly forgiven someone, its ties to residual anger should be severed leaving no room for grudges ...

" Dear No One … "

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don’t gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when its cold

Got that young love even when we’re old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

You’ll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

~ Tori Kelly ~ Dear No One ~

***

February 4, 2014 ... World Cancer Day ... a day to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection and treatment ... a day to “support” cancer patients worldwide.  In honour of this “day”, I decided to write an open letter for those who are newly diagnosed or living with this condition.  

Dear Friend,

Although we have never met, I wanted to share with you my thoughts in hopes to help you in your brave journey.  You may not be feeling to brave at the moment.  And that is okay.  You may have no clue what to do next.  And that is more than okay.  First, take this moment and just breathe because you are OKAY.

From my experience, 

... do your research.  Understand your condition and treatment options available.  And remember, just because they don’t have any other options, doesn’t mean sh*t.

... surround yourself with supportive, loving and compassionate practitioners whom respect your choice of treatment.

… unconditional love from my husband and family carries me through my journey.  I am grateful every day for them as I would not be here today.

... close friends may distance themselves and distant friends will become closer.  It’s all in how you handle it, let them help you when you need it.  Recognize your anger and resentment may be about your condition and not about about a person.

... people will say odd things to you because they don’t know how to deal with it.  Decide how important it is for you to discuss it with them or to just let it go.  

... others will just “check in” to see how you are and possibly if you still have a pulse.  Don’t take it personally, it is what it is.  Know who you can trust, know who you can share with, know who you can kindly decline.

... decide if your diagnosis is punishment or a blessing.  It took a lot of work, time, sweat and tears before I could see the gift.  Keep searching, however dire the situation, you will find it.

... change how you speak to yourself about your condition.  your body has cancer, not you, not your soul.  you created it, you can release it ... it is not a battle as it is a part of you which requires the same compassion and kindness as all of you.

... don’t believe the prognosis.  No one has a crystal ball, no one knows the future, no one knows for sure.  You have the power to within you to live or die, you.

… faith, spirituality and meditation have provided so much depth, perspective and clarity in my life.  Take this opportunity to nurture your soul and activate your inner healing.  

... there is more urgency in this moment so make a decision to live your life NOW.  Don’t wait.  Don’t procrastinate.  Ask yourself what are you waiting for? whats holding you back?

... now you have been put into a category, label or group.  there is a stigma and people now view you as a “cancer patient”, but you get to decide where you put your focus.  Focus on thriving, not just surviving. 

And, never let anyone tell you it is too late because I believe it is only too late when you decide to give up.  Now, ask yourself, do you believe this is your wake up call or your death sentence?

Sincerely,

your new friend

" In The Way ... "

Underneath the bridge 

The tarp has sprung a leak 

And the animals I've trapped 

Have all become my pets 

And I'm living off of grass 

And the drippings from the ceiling 

But it's ok to eat fish 

Cause they don't have any feelings 

Something in the way 

Ummmmm 

Something in the way, yea 

Ummmmm ...

~ Nirvana ~ In The Way ~

***

Do you get in your own way?  You know what I mean ... your intentions are pure but you may be sabotaging yourself.  Now your instant reaction may be “no” but subconsciously is where the truth lies, where the real you is.

Another way to ask this is whether your beliefs help you or hinder you?  What is your programming?  What is your patterning?  What are you resisting and why?  Are you even aware of what is being orchestrated again at the subconscious level?

Can you let it go ... Will you let it go ... When?

My practice is teaching me how to listen to the story I tell myself, how to observe this story and detach, how to release this story, how to relax and how to repeat.  As you can imagine, the repeat part if often! ... my reality is that I “start over” all the time, all day, every day.  And I guess if we are all honest with ourselves, we all do this.  We start over.

I write about this because personally, this week I had an event that triggered “stuff”.  Thankfully I have the awareness to know what emotions and feelings are coming up and I ask the question why.

Event ... the “chance” that I walk into the breast cancer “survivors” march/demonstration.  Picture this ... I take a stroll into a building to pick up some tea only to be greeted with “and there are your survivors Calgary” ... pink t-shirts everywhere, the biggest pink ribbon you can find hanging from the ceiling, music, cheering and a crowd - celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness month.  My reaction ... flight.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough as nausea started to take over.  Wow - what a reaction and why so intense are the questions I have been sitting with.  Why didn’t I feel that I am inclusive of this group and instead why did fear take over?

Having courage is to keep going without knowing the outcome ... is to have the ability and willingness to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation.  Well I sure wasn’t courageous in that situation.  

So do I beat myself up over it ... already did.  But then something unexpectedly happened ... a realization.  The reason I reacted the way I did was due to my subconscious beliefs.  My fear comes from believing what the mass media, the doctors, the statistics, the “stories” ... tell us.  They tell us that there is no cure, that once you have cancer then you are terminal ... it is not if but when.  Period.  No discussion.

Yet my reality shows different.  

Three years since this part of my journey began 

I think of four words ... I AM STILL HERE.  

So powerful and so true.  

Against the odds, maybe.  Could things be worse, always.  

Am I healing, most definitely ... 

And I still get in my own way.  My health practitioner told me today to keep doing what I am doing as my body is reacting extremely well.  I replied with “at least I am doing something right” ... right then right there ... I am getting in my own way.  And here I thought I was being entertaining but unfortunately at my own expense.

So the next time my anxiety, doubt, ego, concern and critical inner voice starts up, I am going to consciously try to get out of my own way and re-focus.  Refocus on embracing my success, celebrating my milestones, and enjoying my victories however minute they may seem.  

By changing my focus, I can release what no longer serves me and make room to receive what is available for my highest good.  It is progress, it is improvement, and hopefully it is the path to who I really am.  

Oh yes, always a work in progress ...

" Into The Void ... "

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station

pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up

(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches

tried to overcome the complications and the catches

nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

~ Nine Inch Nails ~ Into The Void ~

***

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser.  I think because I empathize with the participants.  I get it.  I was there for the majority of my life.  I was overweight from a very young age and used food as my vice, my fix to fill the void in my life.  Even after developing an eating disorder, I still believed I was in control of it that I could stop at any moment.  It was the farthest from the truth because that empty feeling just didn’t go away and neither did my addiction.

Most of us can identify with that emptiness.  Life can be great most of the time, but that underlying feeling remains.  We try to find a way to manage it but the truth is it never gets filled ... you can’t run from it, you just have to face it.

So do you recognize your void?  

Usually we attempt to “fill the void” with either positive or negative people or activities.  Some people grew up in homes where love was conditional based on performance, achievement and productivity.  Others, in abusive homes and never received approval or acceptance from their parents.  Therefore emotional voids evolve and as children we find a way to cope, survive.

Reflecting back, I had an AHA! moment ... I use to be a “giver”, a "people pleaser". Constantly doing things for friends and people, being there for them and draining myself in the process.  And even though I said I had no expectations, we all do.  And mine were never fulfilled.  I never received as much as I gave.  Maybe because I gave in unrealistic ways ... maybe because my expectations were too high ... maybe because my giving was conditional.  Maybe.  But really my epiphany came when I realized that it was because I didn’t feel I deserved it.  I didn’t feel that I was good enough.  I didn’t think I was equal to others.  So, I think I set myself up, self fulfilling prophecy if you will ... my expectations would never be met and I would always end up disappointed.  This I expected, this was familiar and therefore this I created.  I wasn’t open or ready to receive.  Yikes!

So how do you fill your void? 

As previously shared, I filled my void with food.  And there is a price that comes with filling a void with food.  Besides the obviously health issues, it comes on slowly.  It is likely that the rut you are stuck in has also developed with time.  And it stems from a feelings of inadequacy and imbalance.  I was unhappy, depressed and probably not a barrel of laughs to be around (I apologize to my loved ones and am so grateful for their presence still in my life!)  Thankfully, now I have a my renewed sense of excitement and purpose in life which makes me feel full.  I turned my negative into a positive.

So if you are unsure if you have a void in your life, listen to your heart.  Feelings of emptiness, hollow, nothingness, meaninglessness ... you know as you go through it, you experience an undesirable state of being.  You are existing and surviving, not living.

Voids are mainly caused by terrible loss and experience of inadequacy in life.  When joy, security and self-realization is lost, a vacuum is created within.  Life becomes empty without a point of reference or a common thread as Oprah shared.  The bigger the investment on the source of meaning, the more hollow the void is after its loss.  

The key is to live your life in its “fullness” ... 

I read that the universe hates voids and always finds ways to fill empty spaces.  So as part of this vast universe, you are also enabled to fill this void starting from your own.

Recognize that you are a person with depth and serious search for meaning in life ... 

Be grateful that if you feel the void, you are in touch with your inner self.  And once you have this awareness, you can change.  So go back to your most important values in life and recover what you consider most precious because as human beings we all need HOPE, essential for us to truly live our lives as they are meant to be lived ... 

" Rise Up ... "

(Rise up rise up) Oh rise and show your power
(Rise up rise up) Were dancing into the sun
(Rise up rise up) It's time for celebration
(Rise up rise up) Spirits time has come ...

We want lovin' we want laughter again
We want heartbeat
We want madness to end
We want dancin'
We wanna run in the streets
We want freedom to live in this peace
We want power
We want to make it ok
Want to be singin' at the end of the day
Children to breathe a new life
We want freedom to love who we please
It's time for a celebration ...

(Rise up rise up) Everbody's time has come
Spirits time has come
Spirits time has come
(Rise up rise up) Oh rise and show your power.

~ The Parachute Club ~ Rise Up ~

***

The definition of “get a rise out of” is to make very angry, to bother, to egg on, to enrage, to fire up, to get under one’s skin, to inflame, and/or to infuriate.  Either we have been the one reacting or the one looking for the reaction.  Not our proudest moments, but perhaps familiar ...

So how do you know if you have a button pusher (B pusher) in your life?  

B pushers drape their tone with sarcasm so that they can get their point across with intent to convince you ... and make you feel as if you are wrong or your opinion isn’t worthwhile. 

B pushers taunt you into debating on silly, petty topics.  They lure you into an argument with the intent to offend.  An argument they have already won in their minds.

B pushers feel their opinion is the only right one.  They insert their voice into every conversation because they feel everyone else is off in left field somewhere.  They choose to dominate all interactions.

B pushers hog up the whole conversation talking about themselves or what they think, like, dislike or feel.  They don’t let you get a word in edgewise.  They think you are their sounding board and they must be in control, always.

So how do you deal with the B pusher in your life?

First, you have to acknowledge that you are tired of having your buttons pushed.  This intention will allow you to feel better and help you get in touch with your personal power.  Being honest about the fact you don’t like having your buttons pushed will help motivate you to look for solutions.

Second, take this empowerment and do something about it.  Confront you B pusher, politely.  You could give them the benefit of the doubt, assuming they are unaware of their behaviour.  Explain your reasoning and offer a solution.

Third, if the behavior doesn’t stop, take matters into your own hands.  You choose who is in your life and you allow people to treat you in the manner you wish to be treated.

Last, focus more on what you do like about the person than what you don’t like.  Put their behaviour in perspective.  Is it intentional?  What is the logic behind their actions?  Try to understand their motives instead of jumping to conclusions.  

Remember you might just be pushing their buttons as well ... 

" Life Is A Pattern ... "

Life is a story, go ahead and find your sight

Life is your glory, go ahead and live the night

But to live means to be here, in the present now 

Do try to bow for the gift of your day 

Then you cede to the morning sun ...

What is it that makes us lose sight, true sight

Of what is real and essential?

I'll take organised patterns of chaos

Over the chaotic organisations of man, any day.

~ System Of A Down ~ Life Is A Pattern ~
***

Do you believe that the more you imagine, the more real it becomes?  I do.  I believe we can program anything we create into our reality.  I believe we can program anything that we want to influence because our thoughts carry energy through us once constructed.

You see when we program our body to function in certain ways, our subconscious mind carries out the command.  Science has shown that the human brain works on these thought patterns, which are nothing but programming that has been indented into its neural network.  But the problem with subconscious patterns is that we take it for granted and believe that its the truth of who we are.

Is the subconscious mind simply a term used to point to thought patterns that are running on “auto” pilot due to past attention/belief?  Can they be observed when we deepen our awareness of the mind, and are they the core thoughts underlying many of our perceptions and interpretations?

So what if the truth is that these are thought patterns that have been thought so many times that that they’ve become ingrained as an “auto” mode of functioning.  And if we become aware and show lack of interest and attention to them, can we become free of patterns that are harmful to us?

Yes.  Once you become aware of subconscious negative patterns in your brain, you can start dis-believing them ... if you allow yourselves to align with thoughts of our desired reality.  Once you align these, the patterning in your brain will start running on a new “auto”mode.

I choose to believe that there is no truth to negativity because life doesn’t support it and only serves to impeded and resist the movement of your life towards well-being.   I encourage you to explore different modalities that resonate with you ... it has helped me immensely to help clear these patterns and move towards a state of greater balance, aliveness, and harmony in my life.  

" Don't Stop Believin' ..."

“Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlights people, living just to find emotion

Hiding, somewhere in the night.

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to the feelin'

Streetlights people”

~ Journey ~ Don’t Stop Believing ~

***

What does your spiritual journey consist of?  Do you think of it as a quick journey?  Are you all about speed so that you can avoid potential dangers that await you on your path?  Sometimes trying to feel your way in the dark and moving slowly on our spiritual journey may bring us to those very dangers we are trying to avoid.  A sage once said “Our spiritual journey may be a tightrope stretched low across the ground, designed more for tripping over than walking on.”

Outer circle of humanity ... where every one speaks their own language with the possibility of miscommunication and suffering ... characterized as acting as a machine in an action-reaction pattern with little awareness or control.  

Inner circle of humanity ... where all hearts are as one and true community and love exist ... some associate with saints, enlightened beings and prophets, all arrayed in degrees of closeness to the center ~ the ultimate truth. 

Travelling from one to the other is your spiritual journey.  From culture, media, entertainment and the hunt for wealth and security to religion, myths, legends, and heart of enlightenment.

So where are you on your spiritual journey?  A good indicator is the type of influences you are dealing with.  For example, if it is a group of people in your life, are they selfish or unselfish?  Do they invite you you to lose yourself or to awareness of yourself?  

The reality is that there is a mix of both in our lives all the time.  Therefore, trying to maintain the state of awareness from your inner circle influences as long as possible when shifting to the outer circle influences, may be a good way to balance the two.  You see, this awareness will make your experience of outer circle influences more enjoyable, as they will have a spark of vividness and life to them.

Just trust this process will happen with its own speed, but the secret key is adding the light of your understanding and awareness to it.   Imagine the pull of your core on your spiritual journey is like a current in a river, it will take you with or without your awareness.  So stand guard at the gates of your heart, and observe the impressions that pass through them.  If you believe, you will see your path brightly lit in front of you, and your core will act like a compass and always point you in the right direction.  

"To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping ..."

" Release ... "

" You knew it was time to just let go 
'cause we want to be free 
But somehow it's just not that easy 
Come on darlin', hear me darlin' ...

Can you release me ..."

~ Wilson Phillips ~ Release Me ~

***

Imagine sweeping your front porch every morning ... and while you are sweeping you are preparing the ground for new energy ... kind of a cleansing ritual or also known as energetic sweeping.  I recently read about this and thought what a wonderful way to start the day.  

Sweeping seems to be a thing of the past really ... most of us use our fancy schmancy vacuum cleaner with it's white noise to do the job.  Yet I remember back in India, sweeping is something very common and done more than once a day.  And besides clearing the area of dust, I think there was more to it.  Now depending on the climate it may be a little easier for some than others, but sweeping can be regarded as an important cleansing ritual that prepares the ground for new energy on every level ... physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.  Often, a place is swept to prepare for a ceremony and has the power to clear away the old and make space for the new by stirring up the energy in place and clearing up the stagnant build-up.

To energetically sweep, it was recommended to use a different type of broom ... one you would use for clearing, one that doesn't effectively touch the ground.  They suggested decorating the broom by carving its handle, painting it, using gemstones and ribbons and other creative adornments.  Or maybe even using branches or twigs .. choosing a natural appearing broom from nature.  Some food for thought.

When we cleanse our mind, we bring awareness to all that causes us limitations in thinking.  Overthinking that is rooted in fear, deters us from living wholeheartedly ... our biggest detriment.  Energetically sweeping can teach us to free our minds from imprisonment and create a focused and well balanced mind set.  

When we cleanse our spirit, we learn to accept a Universal power that is greater than ourselves.  It is the ability to look at those beliefs which do not serve us any longer and the possibility to honour those beliefs that do serve us.

Our goal is to deepen our awareness regarding the importance of letting go of the past and welcoming the present.  Once we clear the energy of our space, we clear out our own energy systems ... the space feels clean, clear and open.  A great opportunity to think welcoming thoughts and manifest what we need for the day.  Just another way to to cleanse our mind and spirit.

let go of the hope that the past can be changed ...