" Frustrate … "

I want to scream
Clenched fist, ground teeth
A bad dream, feeling so mean
Stumble across my piece ...

Quiver the index, sweat between the skin and the steel
All of the sudden it feels so real
The bang, the smoke, the blood ... 

A release to stay insane

~ Flotsam and Jetsam ~ Frustrate ~

***

Frustration can get the best of anyone ... and it happens when we are trying to do something in our own strength that we cannot do.

It can happen when we feel like we are in a rut ... a dead-end job, in survival mode, in a toxic relationship ... all while being unhappy achieving none of your goals or dreams.  As we age, we start to reflect, and if we feel like we have not much to show for it ... frustration sets in.

Let go or be dragged ...

Frustration brings on a mixture of anger and sadness as a result of interactions with people, events or circumstances.  How we react and our emotional response determines our level of frustration, when things don’t go according to plan. In other words, we don’t get what we want.

Let’s get some perspective ... are your current problems and issues of major consequence in the long run?  Ask yourself if it will even matter 5 or 10 years from now … Personally, my frustrations were an excuse to prevent me from achieving my goals and living my life to the fullest.  I was unrealistic and impatient.  I was full of pride, narcissism & ego and then there was a major shift ...

I started to count my blessings and appreciate what I have in my life rather than worry about what I didn’t have.  

I started to become clear about what I wanted in my life and who I wanted in my life.

I started to speak my truth and follow my path, even if it is alone.

And it is easy to slip back into old patterns, old scripts and old ways.  But it is how easily we get ourselves out of that place ... how easily we “unstuck” ourselves.

REALIZATION … 

frustration and confidence are both within my control, 

but only one will help me achieve the life I crave.

www. walkstrong.ca

" Bad Things … "

When you came in the air went out.

And every shadow filled up with doubt.

I don't know who you think you are,

But before the night is through,

I wanna do bad things with ...

I'm the kind to sit up in his room.

Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue.

I don't know what you've done to me,

But I know this much is true:

I wanna do bad things with ...

~ The Radiacs ~ Bad Things ~

***

I use to believe that bad things happen to good people.  That is just the way life is.  Now I believe that things just happen.  And it’s your viewpoint, your perspective that determines if it is good or bad ... because these things that “happen” can be considered as neutral ... and your reactions determines it all.

When my body was designated with cancer, I believed I was being punished for all the “bad” thing I did in this life ... and maybe even paying for from previous lifestimes.  So I believed that if I prayed hard enough, I could reverse all of that.  

But if you aren’t buying any of this ... why DO bad things happen to good people?  Well, bad things happen to EVERYONE.  

It is naive to believe that one is going to cruise through the human experience without facing evil in some of its severest forms ...

Culturally, I’ve grown up with conversations within the East Indian community such as “it is not far that so much has happened to our family recently”.  But don’t we all get what we are meant to get and what is fair?  Personally, I have come to a place where NOW I can be grateful for all my challenges as I wouldn’t have stumbled upon my strengths if not so.  

Remember, these are the times you find out what you are made of ...

And do we really need to compare ourselves to a less fortunate one to appreciate and be grateful for what is present in our lives.  Do we feel “if only” and things will then be good?  And how can we be so sure of that?  There are times in life we are smaller and other times we are bigger.

I do believe that everything that occurs in life is meant to bring us closer to our soul’s purpose, and everything we are given is a tool to help us.  Every one of us has a unique mission and sometimes we veer off course.  A terminal illness, a divorce, a death of a loved one ... moves us closer to our mission, as painful as it may seem when it occurs, are the cloaked difficulties full of lessons and messages.  

The question is are you paying attention 

because you don't need a major event to listen ...

Personally, when I now speak about this designated dis-ease, I believe it was Divine’s act to shift me out of the thinking, being and living in a different direction ... a direction that required a re-alignment with my higher self, bringing happiness, joy & contentment with no attachment to an outcome.

I do believe EVERYTHING that occurs in my life is for my higher good ... 

Although this one thought has helped me trememendously, I don’t pretend to have a wide angle view on why things happen to me, let alone to anyone else.  Yet personally shifting from a place of “why me” to “why not” allows you to surrender to the process and be open to all the miracles around us.

www.walkstrong.ca

" In A Big Country ... "

And in a big country, dreams stay with you,

Like a lover's voice, fires the mountainside..

Stay alive..

So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you.

Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded ...

Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted.

I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered

But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered ...

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert,

But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime..

~ Big Country ~ In A Big Country ~

***

O Canada ... the true north, strong and free.  Today the nation we live in is celebrating Canada Day.  The anniversary of July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America Act, which united three colonies into a single country called Canada within the British Empire.  Most communities host organized celebrations such as parades, carnivals, festivals, BBQ, fireworks and free musical concerts.  Add the maple leaf on our flag as the national symbol of Canada, summer and national pride are a heady mix.

Each Canadian will respond differently as to what this day means to them and why they are celebrating.  Yet perhaps the most important feature is our diversity.  The various outlooks and beliefs that make this country.

Most Canadians come from somewhere else, or their parents or grandparents did.  Just go back a few generations to see that Canadians are from all over the world.  Truly a nation of immigrants which defines us.

And we may have a solid foundation, but our backgrounds, our  values, our language and our faiths mix together to make us a very complex group.  And this is what binds us together, the very acceptance of this cornucopia of cultures, prospectives and attitudes.

So we may not have the same ancestors and we may not have a president, but we are more than a beer ad.  We are Canadian because our country allows us to be whoever we want to be.  We have freedom to express our individuality, whether that means wearing a turban in the RCMP or on the soccer field.  

Interestingly, some find it frustrating ... the lack of definitive identity in their eyes.  But being hard to define IS what defines us.  A nation that embraces differences of opinion regarding every aspect of how we choose to live because Canadians understand that diversity means celebration and not repression.  This is the nation that allows us to be good with who we are.  This is the nation that celebrates today.

"Exposure ..."

"Exposure
Space is what I need

it's what I feed on
Exposure
Out in the open..."

~ Peter Gabriel ~ Exposure ~

***

I guess it is safe to say that when you blog about your life, you open yourself up to being overexposed.  I started this blog a long time prior to my cancer diagnosis when I started up a walking club called WalkStrong.  And walking strong we were.  As life evolves, and shit happens, it has now become my soapbox, so that I can express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life.  

In one of my last posts, "Point of View", I wrote about my recent test results after being on the Gerson therapy for almost 6 months.  I remember when I blogged, I thought to myself, "am I providing a bit too much information?", "are there too many details I am sharing?", and "should I really post this?".  And you know what they say, go with your gut ... what you intuition is saying to you ... your inner voice.    

You see, I have had many people write me emails and tell me in person that I have inspired them, that they are proud of me as to how I am handling the biggest challenge of my life, and thanking me for being so real, so vulnerable and speaking my truth.  And for this, I want to give oceans of gratitude back to you.  You really have no idea how those words, written or verbal, have got me thru this year.  Yet recently, after I wrote the details of my last round of test results, the feedback I got has fed my greatest fears.  I "expected" a wee bit of a celebration, more "yahoo", more "way to go M".  And, I guess as I wrote in my previous blog, it is all about point of views, opinions, perspective and really everyone is entitled to their own.  I can read into words, or what tones their voices take, or see into their eyes and try to "read" what they feel, but really it doesn't help anyone, especially not me.  And to be completely honest, I thought I was strong enough to handle all of "this" too, but I'm not.  

So I will continue to merrily blog as usual ~ express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life ~ but will keep the "details" of test results and sorts out.  But I am very open to anyone that is considering the Gerson therapy and needs some information.  Just contact me directly.  
Oh and no worries, I'll still be aiming to write a kick-ass blog, just wiser!  

Again I want thank EVERYONE for their continuous love and apologize if I have overexposed myself during this difficult time.  I hope it has not caused any discomfort to anyone as I always come from a place of compassion.