I have this feeling...
It's never ever ever explained...
Yeah I'm afraid a part of my heart...
You know there's nothing I would not do...
I want to make that connection, that connection to you
I want to make that connection, that connection to you"
~ Tom Petty ~ Make That Connection ~
***
Relationships, friendships and other "connections" are dynamic. Constantly changing. Sometimes we handle the change, other times we welcome them, but most of the time it hits us up side the head and we are like ... what the heck was that? Scratching your head you ask what do you do now, how do you handle it now and where do we go from here ... basically what does it "look" like ...
For me, my old patterns and habits were not very ahem ... mature. In the past, when my relationships would change, I would immediately retreat back into my shell, and feel victimized. And once I came out of my shell, watchout! I was angry and wanted to hurt back to those who hurt first. And I never gave it a thought that maybe they didn't hurt first? Maybe they didn't really mean to make me feel left out, bad, sad, lonely, neglected and just not needed anymore? Maybe, just maybe, it's not all about me ... LOL! What? Really? okay, okay just being a bit silly ... but seriously, we, and I mean the collective "we" usually think "we" have done something wrong. And in some instances maybe we did.
Now, with a different mindset, change is more satisfying. And I use the changes I have endured in the this year as a template for change in other aspects of my life. First, I take some time to myself, wrap my head around the situation and decide if, in a recent example, I still want this relationship in my life. How important is it to me ... and when I listen to my heart, really listen, I KNOW my truth. It is not a dependency, it is a true desire to have the person in my life. That it is so worth the effort ~ I decide to reach out, reconnect and in some cases extend the olive branch ... making sure the olives are still on it! I take responsibility of my own actions, not theirs. Now, I express myself authentically. I tell them I miss them. I tell them I appreciate them. I let them know I truly care and that I am okay with change. Their change. I accept them for who they are now and who they were. I am there for them ...
So how does this all come about ... well here are a few mental notes help me to navigate gracefully ...
Relationships change happens to all of us ~ change happens every day, to everyone; it's the one constant in life, the thing that connects us all. And when a relationship changes, it's natural to find it difficult.
Something good will come ~ people who are good at relationship change always focus on the positive that will inevitably come from any transition. Change may lead you to new people, help you develop a stronger faith and belief in yourself, give you new opportunities, or inspire you to live a healthier life.
Turn to your change support team ~ One of the quickest ways to embrace change and move through it is to surround yourself with a team of supportive people. These people are there to listen, support, and encourage you. They will keep you on a path of hope and optimism as you move through the transition.
Use your Spiritual strength ~ When everything is changing, it's important to find the part of yourself that doesn't change--your calm, centered, spiritual side, your higher self. It's the part that's connected to something greater and uses your intuition as a guide.
Accept change and take action ~ Go in the direction life is taking you and focus on re-aligning yourself with a plan of optimism on the future and not the past, with or without that relationship. Make a plan that feels right, realistic and hopeful ~ something that resonates with YOU.
There is an opportunity to have some clearing, a new perspective ... for some to start over, others a "re-do". A new friendship, a new relationship ... that has evolved to meet you both where you are today that is newly defined, mutually serving and with a fulfilling purpose.
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