"Priority … "

Steer the course make a way
And come ashore on a greater day
Home grown from the greatest grain
Full flavor in the native strain

Peace before anything
God before everything
Love before anything
Real before everything

Home before anyplace
Style and state radiate
Love power slay the hate, priority
Love power

~ Mos Def ~ Priority ~

***

Priority ... something that is regarded as more important than another.  Now think of your relationships, are they are priority in your life?  Is there someone that is for you but you not for them, and how do you know?

… in some instances, if we had to know if the other person felt the same degree of compassion and consideration as we do for them, then we would probably never even speak ...

In a perfect world, relationships are suppose to be “equal” and fully committed to the process of developing and growth ... suppose being the key word.  Yet we find ourselves in situations where we are giving our all to someone but not getting the same in return.  And we keep going back for more, and more knowing that relationships are risky. 

So how do you know when you are an option instead of a priority in someone’s life?  Well besides the obvious behaviour, they 

• magically appear when they need something
• call to see how you are but rant about themselves instead
• bail on things that are important to you
• share important life details with others and not you.

And interestingly, some people think this is the “norm”.  They get use to these types of relationships.  They are troubled by the fact that they are involved with someone who treats them like “an option” and yet they still can’t seem to terminate the relationship.

The beauty is, the choice is YOURS.  It is much better to live peacefully than to have those in your life that take you for granted.  Stop making excuses for poor behaviour, don’t accept less than what you deserve, and weed out the ones who only care about their own needs being met because a relationship should complement, not complicate ...

" Where Is The Love … "

What's wrong with the world, mama

People livin' like they ain't got no mamas

I think the whole world addicted to the drama

Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma ...

But if you only have love for your own race

Then you only leave space to discriminate

And to discriminate only generates hate

And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah

Madness is what you demonstrate

And that's exactly how anger works and operates

Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight

Take control of your mind and meditate

Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'

Children hurt and you hear them cryin'

Can you practise what you preach

And would you turn the other cheek ...

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love, the love, the love

~ Black Eyed Peas ~ Where Is The Love? ~

***

Why do we spend so much of our life wasting time on people that don’t deserve our energy?  You know the moments when we feel completely exhausted, drained and shut down.

Energy grows or diminishes based on what you are doing and who you surround yourself with.  There are people, places and things that make us feel like we are building our energy banks, rejuvenate us and help us to do our best.  And there are others that zap the energy right out of you.  People are exceptional and our number one resources but not all people are helpful.

Understanding how people affect you means that you can do a better job matching what you need to what your energy requires.  Sometimes we need to be more judicious about reducing time with people who don't match our energy.

It’s not about whether or not the person is a good or bad person … 

it’s about whether or not they are the right energy type for you ... 

Defining personality types helps to understand why we leave feeling out of sorts from some interactions and inspired by others.  It has helped me decide what to do and who I choose to spend time with in the future.

Here is an exert from an article I recently read that defined energy types … 

do you identify with one?

“The Positives

• Buzzers. These are excited electrons. People who are so thrilled to be around other people and in the world, talking with them is like getting a burst of inspiration.  They can be your muses, your inspirations, your 
• Happys. Generally positive, seem to be happy almost all the time. People you would skip with, laugh with, enjoy being with.  They aren’t as physically excited as the Buzzers, but they are generally happy and have a positive attitude about most things.
• Wonder Listeners. People who can hear what you are saying without you saying it; who seem to listen to you with both their bodies and their ears, and who exude a positive radiance without necessarily saying or doing anything, are your Wonder Listeners. 
• Coaches and Mentors. These are people who seem to have endless stores of hope and inspiration designed just for you. People who are genuinely interested in what you have to offer and how you are doing. The coaches and mentors are usually a check-in, once a week or once a month, and they offer their advice and wisdom to you in their interactions.

The Middle Balance (Balancers and Grounders)

• Quiet Stabilizers. People who are refreshing, rejuvenating, and inspiring without being showy or ostentatious. Someone you can sit quietly in a park with, without talking very much, and leave happier. These people don’t toot their own horn, and likely don’t know how cool they are. Yet being around them is satiating, relaxing, restorative.
• Feedbacks. People who tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. These people can be mistakenly labeled as negatives, but they still have your best interests in heart and are actually looking out for you in the long run. Keep them around, but note the times when you aren’t up for receiving feedback and need encouragement instead – and seek them out when you need smart advice.
• The Strugglers and Changers. There are people who are struggling, working towards change, and are sometimes frustrated or caught in-betweens. They are on their way towards becoming the person they want to be, and conversations with them are raw, open, inspiring, hard, and generally variable.  

Negatives

• The Repetitives and Non-Changers. People who are stuck in a problem that you’ve listened to for years. Their complaints are the same, over and over again, and they don’t bring anything new to the table. Each time, it feels like you’re stuck in déjà-vu, because you’re still talking about how to deal with their terrible relationships, bad work situation, or general malaise. To deal with these types, tell them, politely and firmly, that you don’t want to talk about their ____ problem anymore. “I appreciate all the struggles you are having with your job situation, but I’d like to not talk about that anymore. I know you are working hard on it. Let’s focus and talk about new things when we meet.”
• The Fakes. There are people who masquerade as positives – the words they use are cheery, they tell you what they think you want to hear; they quote inspirational things and bits. But the substance is not there. And, more importantly, you are not rejuvenated by the words or the ideas in the way you are around Quiet Wonders or Listeners or Buzzers. Some people are obviously fake; others not so obviously. At the end of the day, what’s most important is how you respond when you’re around them.
• Negative Influences. There are people who are wonderful, interesting, bright, and creative. And yet, for some reason, you are negatively influenced when you are around them. It’s not that they themselves are bad people – it’s that you make bad choices when you are around them. These are the trickiest people to identify, because there’s nothing about them that’s bad or easy to rationalize avoiding. It’s how they influence you that tells you about whether or not it’s a good person to have in your life.
• Toxic. These are the people who make you feel like shutting down when you’re around them. The people that drain you, that zap your energy, that are filled with negativity and cutting remarks. Most of us quickly eliminate these people from our lives after just a few interactions. They are easy to spot and identify. If you still have them around, ask yourself why? What do you benefit from being with a toxic person?”

" Born To Lead ... "

"With eyes closed tightly,

I march so blindly.

Pretending everything's fine,

'Cause you're there to keep me in line.

I don't want your guidance,

I'll break my silence.

So sick of asking and being denied and now I realize.

We're holding the key, to unlock our destiny,

We were Born To Lead"

~ Hoobastank ~ Born To Lead ~

***

We all have to earn a living, whether it be as an entrepreneur or working for someone else.  During these working hours, we are required to "serve the vision of our employer or business"  We take on a load of responsibilities, learn best in class strategies and practices, get trained while immersing in the "company culture".  Ultimately, meeting the objective of the company.  And for some, including my past life, they devote their whole life to working ... workaholics .. even after work and during weekends.  Their life is essentially tied to serving their company.

So, what if you started viewing your life as your company instead?  Yep, you read that right ... if you think of your life as your company, and you are the CEO of your life.  Once you get your head around this idea, start asking yourself some questions ... are you leading your life to its highest possible success? And if your company's overall status matches your life's overall status, are you a leader?  How is your personal growth department doing?  Do others want to invest in your life?  Or are you struggling to survive?  Gives you something to think about ...

And what about the purpose of your company ... have you discovered YOUR purpose?  Your company's vision, which is an articulation of your vision, such as your life goals ~ have you identified them?  Without a clear vision, our lives can appear randomly scattered and not optimized toward a common direction ... with no singular focus at all.

This all may seem a bit difficult to take on so what I do is look at aspects of my life, like a pie (hmmmm just for a moment I fantasize about a nice slice of homemade apple pie ...) ... whoops! okay back to the subject at hand please! ... I look at the departments in my life like slices of pie ... Health & Wellness, Relationships, Career, Wealth, Spirituality, etc ... 

Many people fall into the trap of overly focusing in the department of career and wealth, neglecting the rest.  They fill their life with "things" to overcompensate for missing aspects in their life.  They measure their "self-worth" by their bank account figure.  And, hey, no judgement, if that works for you, carry on my friend.  For me, I have realized that all departments need to be performing at the peak to lead my best life.  I can't neglect your Health and Relationships and expect my life to be soaring.  

So if you dare, take the time to do a personal performance review on your life ... ask yourself some of these questions and determine if there are certain departments in your life that need some attention.  Because each department in your life exists for a reason, serving a particular unique function, to make you whole, complete, and perfectly YOU.

"Roam ... "

"roam if you want to 
roam around the world
roam if you want to
without wings, without wheels
roam if you want to
roam around the world
roam if you want to
without anything but the love we feel"

~ The B-52s ~ Roam ~

***

Recently, I came across a great article about "the cost of Roaming" ~ The compulsive checking of messages, staying connected because we are afraid of missing out, or answering a late-night work email because it makes us feel needed.  This can be powerful distractions from knowing ourselves.  I realized that prior to my diagnosis, that was me.  I worked hard, very hard and took pride in telling others " I am sooo busy, I work 60 hour weeks, etc...".  I always seemed connected to some form of technology.  And all of my gadgets and tech toys tempted me with endless stimuli that invited my attention to go off in a million scattered directions at once.  If you need to get a hold of me, no worries, just try my hand held device, or my laptop, or my pager or my .... and it goes on.  

We can avoid the roaming charge or "the emotional or psychic cost connected with the distraction and expectation associated with that phone, wherever and whenever it might be ringing - by remaining as attuned to your inner technologies as you are to your outer ones".  It can be a challenge to maintain inner calm in a world of constant connection, yet I have had the opportunity to practice perfect this during my therapy and it has been essential for my well-being.  Wisdom practices such as yoga and meditation, have allowed me to set matters aside, cut myself loose from my ego, and experience freedom from external affirmations and influences ... like breaking free from rapid-fire tweet and measuring my popularity from facebook likes ~ yes, we don't need our smartphones to discover nirvana, what a relief!

It definitely takes discipline ... we all have the urge to just check that email or message ... but introspective wisdom practices will result in higher productivity, greater inspiration, and increased creativity.  It allows us to maintain presence and inner connection in a world designed to pull us in every waking moment outside of ourselves.  We can live with the latest technology and still have a connected inner life.  Perhaps next time let your voicemail take that call, let your email go unanswered and evaluate your relationship with technology instead of blaming it when you feel distracted.  Feel the shift as it may be the next new wave of inner technology you may just be looking for.

"Make That Connection ... "

"Oh what would I do...
I have this feeling...
It's never ever ever explained...
Yeah I'm afraid a part of my heart...
You know there's nothing I would not do...

I want to make that connection, that connection to you

I want to make that connection, that connection to you"

~ Tom Petty ~ Make That Connection ~

***

Relationships, friendships and other "connections" are dynamic.  Constantly changing.  Sometimes we handle the change, other times we welcome them, but most of the time it hits us up side the head and we are like ... what the heck was that?  Scratching your head you ask what do you do now, how do you handle it now and where do we go from here ... basically what does it "look" like ...

For me, my old patterns and habits were not very ahem ... mature.  In the past, when my relationships would change, I would immediately retreat back into my shell, and feel victimized.  And once I came out of my shell, watchout!  I was angry and wanted to hurt back to those who hurt first.  And I never gave it a thought that maybe they didn't hurt first?  Maybe they didn't really mean to make me feel left out, bad, sad, lonely, neglected and just not needed anymore?  Maybe, just maybe, it's not all about me ... LOL!  What? Really?  okay, okay just being a bit silly ... but seriously, we, and I mean the collective "we" usually think "we" have done something wrong.  And in some instances maybe we did.  

Now, with a different mindset, change is more satisfying.  And I use the changes I have endured in the this year as a template for change in other aspects of my life.  First, I take some time to myself, wrap my head around the situation and decide if, in a recent example, I still want this relationship in my life.  How important is it to me ... and when I listen to my heart, really listen, I KNOW my truth.  It is not a dependency, it is a true desire to have the person in my life.  That it is so worth the effort ~ I decide to reach out, reconnect and in some cases extend the olive branch ... making sure the olives are still on it!  I take responsibility of my own actions, not theirs.  Now, I express myself authentically.  I tell them I miss them.  I tell them I appreciate them.  I let them know I truly care and that I am okay with change.  Their change.  I accept them for who they are now and who they were.  I am there for them ...

So how does this all come about ... well here are a few mental notes help me to navigate gracefully ...

Relationships change happens to all of us ~ change happens every day, to everyone; it's the one constant in life, the thing that connects us all.  And when a relationship changes, it's natural to find it difficult. 

Something good will come ~ people who are good at relationship change always focus on the positive that will inevitably come from any transition.  Change may lead you to new people, help you develop a stronger faith and belief in yourself, give you new opportunities, or inspire you to live a healthier life. 

Turn to your change support team ~ One of the quickest ways to embrace change and move through it is to surround yourself with a team of supportive people.  These people are there to listen, support, and encourage you. They will keep you on a path of hope and optimism as you move through the transition.

Use your Spiritual strength ~ When everything is changing, it's important to find the part of yourself that doesn't change--your calm, centered, spiritual side, your higher self. It's the part that's connected to something greater and uses your intuition as a guide.

Accept change and take action ~ Go in the direction life is taking you and focus on re-aligning yourself with a plan of optimism on the future and not the past, with or without that relationship.  Make a plan that feels right, realistic and hopeful ~ something that resonates with YOU.

There is an opportunity to have some clearing, a new perspective ... for some to start over, others a "re-do".  A new friendship, a new relationship ... that has evolved to meet you both where you are today that is newly defined, mutually serving and with a fulfilling purpose.