" Nice … "

... A careless smile and it begins to snow 

And it hurts me to think 

That you might never know 

That I've got this thing about you 

In case you don't understand 

There's something else I meant to tell you 

There is nothing better 

Than being with you 

And I'm feeling so nice 

There is nowhere better 

Than here with you 

And it's feeling so nice 

Did I already say 

'Cause you make me forget 

I might as well be brave and tell 'ya 

~ Duran Duran ~ Nice ~

***

Are you a people pleaser?  Do you have a hard time saying no?  Do you then find that rather than feeling good, you feel used?  Could just be that you are just “too nice” .... 

Too nice?? How is that even possible?  How can you be too much of something good?  Yes, I have been through this conflict a number of times in my life.  You see, through our struggles and challenges, we develop a sense of sympathy towards others.  We understand everyone has a story and if we take the time to learn about them, we will enrich our lives that much more.  And we also do something for someone and expecting nothing in return.  This how we continue to nurture our relationships for what they are, not what they can give you.  

When you say yes to others don’t say no to yourself...

The “too nice” nature can land us in trouble because we end up being too good for our own good.  We all know that it is never a good idea to let people walk all over you and take advantage of you.  Just think ... if your whole life is spent doing things for everyone around you, where is the time for yourself?

Emotional Chaos ... exhausted, defeated and discouraged ...

Personally, I don’t believe there are “wrong” people.  I believe there are people who make poor choices.  And those choices can apply to a person that is too nice.  How so?  well, a poor reason to be nice to someone is so that they thank you, accept you and raise your social standing.  And I feel that feeling superior when you help others out misses the purpose entirely.

So how do you stop being “too nice”?  

• You and those in your life realize that you cannot be available for them every single time they need you
• You start being “too nice” to YOU 
• Decide who and what is important in your life & put your energy towards it
• If you have to decline, say it confidently, genuinely and respectfully

Understand that the moment you settle for less in your life, you will get exactly what you asked for ... directly affecting your own well-being in mind, body and spirit.  Learn the difference between being nice and being too nice because in the end, it can be for your own good.  

" Good Company … "

Take good care of what you've got ...

Don't fool with fools who'll turn away

All my friends by a year by and by disappeared

But we're safe enough behind our door

Reward of all my efforts

My own Limited Company

All through the years in the end it appears

There was never really anyone but me ...

Take care of those you call your own

And keep good company

~ Queen ~ Good Company ~

***

There are lots of opinions on whether or not isolation is good company.  So do you think you are good company for you?

Often when we think of isolation, we are patterned to believe loneliness, inadequate, lack there of, unavailable ... yet really it is just about spending time alone.  And being alone means many of the distractions that often take us away from planned tasks are removed ... people, social media, phones ...

Personally I had the aforementioned belief until I allowed my outer world to stand still.  That is when I heard my inner self.  Now I view isolation as a great way to rejuvenate myself, and strengthen a sense of who I am.  I am not afraid to be with myself, my thoughts or with nothingness.  I am able to slowdown activities while still feeling empowered.  No deadlines, no expectations, no pressure to converse ... other than my monkey mind creatively flowing.

Plus, I think one of the greatest rewards for me is increasing my confidence in my abilities to do specific activities without an audience.  And ... the beauty is YOU ... you emerge from you time with a true sense of self.  It is not selfish.  It is self-love.  Ultimately it is good to understand periods of self-isolation are important along with the need to be balanced with relationships with other people.

“ ... well, I think everyone struggles with self-love .. “

Philip Seymour Hoffman

" Roll The Credit ... "

I know you directed it.

I'm sure I produced a bit.

So why is that chick stealing my show?

Roll the credits.

Yea yea ...

I know you directed it.

I'm sure I produced a bit.

I thought you were meant for me.

My name should be on that screen.

We weren't even at the end, but you started auditioning.

And let somebody star in my show ...

~ Paula Deanda ~ Roll The Credits ~

***

Do you have an insatiable need for credit?  Do you crave approval?  Do you fear rejection? ... I guess during some moments in our lives we can identify with these questions and respond yes, but when you mainly rely on other people to satisfy your emotional needs then it could be a sign of insecurity.

And here’s the ultimate catch ... the need for credit and approval robs you of your freedom.  I spent most of my life seeking until I realized that it didn’t work.  Sadly the desire to get people to like me motivated the majority of my choices and actions earlier in life.  This held me back as I constantly worried about what others thought of me and feared criticism.

Those who know me know that I have always been a high achiever ... and at times, I have compromised my health, my relationships, my profession.  This need resulted in doing too much and feeling anxious, worried, trying to please all, making no time for me, working to hard and being unable to say no.  I was spending a lot of time on things I didn’t enjoy and developing habits that hindered my performance.

Doing what is right or what is expected instead of what you want.  Recently I had a family member ask me “what does it matter what others think if you are confident in where you are”.  And I guess that was the key.  The confidence.  If falters and sways, often.  And those are the times when not only I take on a new task but I look for way to get my gold star.  

I want “them” to be proud ... I want “them” to be in awe,  I want “them” to be inspired.  I want them to “okay” it so IF anything does go wrong, well “they” gave their stamp of approval so I wasn’t the only one who made a mistake, I wasn’t alone ... 

wow, what a revelation ... trusting myself is challenging.

Moving through the process ... 

I started a self-appreciation journal where I acknowledge the things that I am most proud of about myself ~ insights I have learned, times I have stayed true to myself and even things I like about me.  It helps to see things in writing ... it feels more permanent, more real.  And I am very aware of how I speak to myself or self-talk.  I practice compassion first and foremost, and check in with myself often.  My meditation practice have been integral in this.  Yet probably most importantly, I am honest with myself when I take on something new ... I ask is this right for me or do I just want to get credit and approval to avoid disappointments.

It is important not to confuse receiving love and approval with having personal worth.  If you base your value as a human on others approval of you, you are telling yourself that you have to earn self-worth and value.  Accept yourself for who you are because other people’s love for you and approval of you is not based on what you had perceived to be your necessary perfection.

" Inner Search ... "

You've got a right to take what life offers you

don't let others mark out your scope

You better break out from all what chained you up

there is more to be than they said

The inner search needs more than words

Just hear the call for the inner search

You can hear a lot, but to understand

let the confusing voices die first

blow the flickering light out that's in your head

see the one that's always been there ...

Get up for a sense, take your life in your own hands

hear your inner voice leading you to the right choice

That you are is yours, belongs just to you ...

~ Rage ~ The Inner Search ~

***

Sometimes I just need to get my Kali on.  Kali, being the Hindu Goddess of empowerment and shakti (strength).  Sometimes I just need to be strong and stand up for myself.  And this is hard when striving for a non-violent, yogic lifestyle.  

The yogic calm can at times be a mask that is covered with difficult emotions, knotty feelings and desires that feel socially unacceptable.  Yet the deeper I reflect on my yoga practice, I learn to confront those parts of myself that may be suppressed by fear, trauma, or social conditioning.  I uncover what squelches my joy, undercuts my confidence, an sabotages my health.  

So where is the gift in all this ... bringing forth repressed passion and purifying it into energy ... accessing sublimated anger and wisdom that is now owned and channeled to renew my mind, body and soul.

“Invoking deity energy is a way of opening yourself to energies within that can support, protect, and act with a kind of numinous power ... “

The goddess Kali can be found in yogic art and is suppose to have arisen out of the warrior-goddess Durga during fierce battle with demons.  This would explain her association with spiritual and psychological liberation.  Kali symbolizes enlightenment ... freedom from conditioned beliefs, false personal identities and preconceived notions that keep you from recognizing your true identity.  Kali represents the power to release that which is true in you.  

Personally, I am finding that Kali in my daily life often means tuning in to aspects of myself that I normally don’t have access to.  I don't become free just by going with the flow. I become free by knowing when to say no, fighting for what is right, and engaging with the fiercer forms of grace.  So by “getting my Kali on”, I seek out permission ... to realize in those moments when suppressed anger or fear is threatening to overwhelm me, I can look to discover and integrate Kali, my energy.  

You see we seek Kali when we feel like we are living in dissonance with parts of ourselves we may not fully understand or know.  Kali helps us by pointing toward those parts of you that you have rejected, feared, or ignored.  Kali inspires you to transform your identity over again, letting go of the old rigid ideas of who you are, stretching your emotional range, your mind, and life itself in beautiful ways.

So explore your daily dose of Kali and bring an extra dose of ferocity ... just what is needed to keep growing through this wild journey called life.

" Under Pressure ... "

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

and love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance, this is ourselves

Under pressure, Under pressure

~ Queen ~ Under Pressure ~

***

Stress.  We all know it.  But when people say that stress can kill you are they exaggerating?  I don’t think so.  Stress kills people every single day.  And sure you don’t seem them dropping like flies from it because it takes a long time for it to really do some damage to you.  But the cornoner’s report rarely list “stress” as the cause of death.  This is because stress itself doesn’t kill you ... stress leads to a wide range of other health problems that will.

Think about it ... you are living a otherwise positive and happy life and suddenly you develop unexplained symptoms.  Your quality of life diminishes ... good chance they are related to stress.  But what is “stress” exactly.  

Stress is an explaination of a series of negative effects and emotions ... such as anxiety, worry, fatigue, laziness, agitation, concentration problems, mood swings, lack of motivation, insomnia, depression, isolation, anger, depression, paranoia, and possibly suicidal.

Yet the greatest damage is to our immune system.  Research has shown that stressing over a long period of time raises our cortisol levels.  Corisol is a hormone that the body produces and one which naturally suppresses the immune system.  There is a lot of research regarding the immunosuppression and it's correlation with different types of diseases. An immunosuppressed person is more likely to catch the common cold and flu, as well as more likely to get serious life-threatening diseases.  

I recently read the following 5 steps, which I try to adapt ... 

EXPECT IT ~ Be prepared by taking good care of yourself; you never know what the day will bring.  Life is an adventure so approach it as such.  Be your own cheerleader.  Spend time with God everyday, be confident in what you believe, and draw strength from it.

EMBRACE IT ~ Get a new attitude towards life ... a determined stance to ride the waves of life and succeed through the storms. I decided long ago I would not live a life of regret. Now, as I get ready for the day, I say a prayer for strength to face with confidence what comes my way, and the courage to get help and support when overwhelmed. 

EVALUATE IT ~ Be honest and real about what pressures occupy your thoughts, consume your energy or cause you grief.  Are you exaggerating the importance of a stressor: will it really matter one year from now, or five years from now?

ENGAGE IT ~ It’s time to take action.  If you can change it, do it now.  Procrastination is one of your worst enemies, stealing precious moments of your life. 

EMERGE FROM IT ~ Process the pressure and pain to get through it, and emerge successful and free. This requires effort, whether it is to brush off the stress of the day, or to push through the weight of a significant loss.   

Face the strong currents of life with a defiant attitude and intention to achieve your goals, regardless of your circumstances.  Decide that life is worth living ... we all have a purpose, and we will succeed if we manage the stress in our life in a healthy manner.