" Attached ... "

“ ... I've tried and tried again to let you go

Even though you're the only have I have in this world

If you leave, what do I do?

Now what do I do? ... 

Heaven, will you let it rain?

I want to hid my tears in the rain

Because I was attached, I was foolishly attached

And even to this day, I love you ... “

*** Brown Eyed Girl ~ Attached ~ 

***

Practicing non-attachment can be liberating but it is yet another practice.  A practice when you learn to relate to your emotions differently ... understanding their impermanence.

Practicing non-attachment allows you to have the ability detangle from emotional states of aversion for the negative or wanting to extend the positive.  The emotions rise and dissolve.  There is perspective.

When you understand the true meaning of non-attachment expectations no longer rule your life ... and the emotions that arise, you have space for.  You relate to the world as it is rather than to your concepts about it.  And you are able to allow life to unfold without needing to control everything.  The sense of spaciousness and freedom felt brings a genuine contentment that starves in temporary experiences.  

And it is good to remember that non-attachment differs from detachment.  Detachment is unresponsive and removed from emotions.  Non-attachment allows us to feel the emotions but not become trapped by them.  Hence when we are non-attached, we still care but we no longer discriminate, feeling love for this person and aversion for another.  

“ ... Neither do we "detach from the body." 

We wisely realize it is not permanent 

and that it is not our true self. 

It is a temporary dwelling for this lifetime. 

But we still need to take care of it 

and treat it with respect as we try to find the balance 

between hedonism and asceticism ... “

So it really isn’t about just “letting go”, the usual cliche used in meditation and yoga classes.  Because detachment and non-attachment differ ... and when we think of letting go, we are programmed to believe that it is something to get rid of or throw out.  Rather than get rid of attachment, we can experience the non- attachment ... simply not holding on, not grasping ... ultimately, we experience PEACE.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Somebody's Watching Me ... "

Who's watching
Tell me, who's watching ...

Hey, hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
Like I'm in the twilight zone

And (I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
And I have no privacy
Whooooa-oh-oh
(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me) ...

Who's playing tricks on me

~ Rockwell ~ Somebody’s Watching Me ~

***

You may not have any trouble with your thoughts but I do.  Random thoughts that most of the time serve me no purpose.  And until what is in your mind is corrected, the external world, how you perceive and experience it, will be a mere reflection of your mind.  

So is your world unfriendly and full of judgement?  Have you ever sought to know why?  ... Often we project onto the world and other people negative thoughts and emotions we cannot admit or refuse to acknowledge.

You create the world in which you live ...

So how do you change your inner world and control your mind ... by becoming the observer.  Observers don’t judge their thoughts.  You see, instead of dismissing negative thoughts and judging yourself harshly for having them, start from the premise that thoughts are neither right or wrong.  They are neutral ... it is what you do with your thoughts that introduce the right or wrong of them.  

Eastern practices use meditation to help with witnessing presence.  By being the observer of your own thoughts, you practice detachment and stop suffering because you don’t have an expected outcome.  Support this by cultivating the space between thoughts.  This space is the place of internal peace or as some refer to as pure consciousness.

As simple as this may sound, it can actually be a terrifying experience because the idea of emptying our mind of thought challenges our very existence ... we think we are our thoughts yet we are far greater than what one can explain.

As the observer we are capable of anything with no limitations.  As the observer we can witness everything that we are and know everything that we can be.  As the observer we can learn to detach ourselves from all things of this world as we know it.  

Begin by asking where our thoughts come from, who is thinking these thoughts, are you your thoughts, do they belong to you or just pass your mind? ... and through stillness you will discover YOU, the real you, awakened ...

" Detached ... "

What do you believe?

Or do you still conceive? ...

Detached, crawl inside my head

Open up my mind is all they told me, told me

Detached, I don't relate to your fantasy

But I'm detached

See what you do to me

You feed off my mind, well then you break my ability

To maintain a 20/20 vision on myself

So why not, why not, why not let the pain go? ...

~ Spineshank ~ Detached ~

***

What is detachment and why is it so important regarding suffering?  Well, the essence of Buddhism says life is suffering, desire is the root cause of suffering and detachment of desire brings an end to suffering.

So then are desires the problem?  No, because desires simply arise, sometimes involuntarily, and are a part of being human.  Hence what Buddha was addressing is when we have a strong “attachment” to a particular outcome.  

You know the saying, if you want to give God a laugh, make a plan.  Well I know in my case, he has truly had some good belly laughs, probably rolling in the aisles ...

Life doesn’t always go the way we want.  Therefore to experience peace in our lives, we have to go with the flow or roll with the punches.  Yeah I know ... easier said than done, because it is so easy to be a victim ... shoulda, coulda, woulda and why me scenarios.  But understanding that those who view life in this way have a strong attachment to outcomes, increasing their suffering.

I have blogged about acceptance and surrendering to whatever is.  Yet, through meditation and further teachings, I am learning about “non-attachment” or “detachment” and the important role it plays in coping with life.  I am learning that unfavourable circumstances could be seen as a blessing in disguise to deepen my inner experience ... 

... what if you turned your what if into believing that everything is unfolding perfectly, according to a flawless Divine plan.  Then non-attachment is easier to achieve.  Every event can be viewed as our own perfect creation to learn and grow ...

Believe that the Divine is never wrong ... 

Another belief I use to have regarding detachment was that it came from a place of selfish isolation, withdrawal, disconnection and simply disengaging.  Now I am beginning to understand that detachment encompasses stillness, compassion, empathy and loving kindness.  It arises when we let go of our attachment to some things and our resistance to others.  When we stop needing things to conform to our desires, we can help let go of our egos desire using pure love as our ally.

My meditation teacher explains to us that detachment can make us feel as if we have mastered our attachments because we are no longer disturbed by them.  He explains to us that we must also practice patience as detachment enters our lives in stages and fluctuates with this process.

And being a student of life, I understand that I am just on the tip of the iceberg in this process ... to bring more awareness in my life, to lessen the hold of attachments and to eventually experience true liberation.

The essence of the Way is detachment 

~ Bodhidharma ~

" Numb ... "

They say life is a battlefield

I say bring it on

If you wanna know how I feel

Live it till it's gone

I'm just saying that what don't kill, only makes you strong

If you don't recognize what is real

Then forever is a long, long, long ... Time

Some things never change here we go again

Feel like I'm losing my mind

Shake it off, let it go, I don't care any more

Just go numb

You never know until you let go

Let's go numb ...

Can you feel it?

~ Usher ~ Numb ~

***

Thanks to a recommendation from a good friend, I have been reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” By Brene Brown.  Wonderful book, full of insight, knowledge and written in a very straight forward manner.  And the cool thing is that I am finding hidden gems as I read.  The recent one is about numbing.

All of us have experience vulnerability, discomfort and pain that we want to avoid.    So you may wonder why not ... why not just numb the emotions because isn’t this just another coping mechanism?

Think about it ... ... booze, food, affairs, money, work, shopping ... used to numb the pain or at least to take the edge off ... resulting in emotional numbness.  Numbing is when you are tired of fighting the feelings of anxiety, depression and just want detachment or to escape.

But according to Dr. Brown, “we cannot selectively numb emotions because when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb positive emotions”.  Well that’s not any good is it?

Severe feelings of detachment makes it hard for us to access normal feelings.  You don’t know yourself, you lose joy, love and happiness in your life and you use a lot of energy to avoid having an authentic emotional experience.

So how do you overcome emotional numbness 

and live with emotional integrity?

Personally speaking, 
I went from avoid, avoid, avoid ... to allow, allow, allow.  

Now, I respect and allow all emotions no matter what they are.  I realize that to feel and to act can be different.  I try to sort out where the emotions are coming from ... am I angry, hurt, sad, etc.  I ask for help when I need help.  And the most important for me is that I am patient with myself ... learning to trust myself again and just be me.

Also, “facing emotions is different than soaking in them until they drain you dry”.  So I stay mindful and notice that these feelings are a part of my emotional health where sometimes a brief break is purposeful and an opportunity to recoup.

You see, once you have allowed the emotions, recognizing a pattern or theme from the experience can allow you to look for meaning or a lesson to be learned.  

Believe that in our ever changing world, emotions pass and time helps.  If we learn acceptance instead of suppression we can understand that feelings are much like life waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf ...

" Sweet Inspirations ... "

I need your sweet, sweet inspiration

I need you here on my mind every hour of the day
Without your sweet, sweet inspiration
The lonely hours of the day just don’t go my way
Inspiration, yeah, oh what a power
And I got the power every hour of the day
I need your sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet inspiration, yeah
To go on living, to keep on giving this way

~ The Temptations ~ Sweet Inspirations ~ 

***

I am humbled when I hear that I inspire others.  Being able to positively affect just one person is such a rewarding experience.  I truly desire to inspire the people around me by focusing on some fundamental principles of character and make them a part of my daily life.  

The beauty is that we all have the ability to positively impact the lives of others.  We can start by the way we carry ourselves and interact with others.  This directly impacts how much inspiration is drawn from being around us and is irrelevant to your place of employment, your salary or the way you look.

You see, it is a mistake to try and change others; real change can only come from within.  When we seek to ‘change’ others we are only met with frustration. However, we can inspire others if we lead by example ... 

Practice Sincerity ~ Sincerity means we act with honesty and integrity.  We can unmistakeably notice the difference between a sincere person and an insincere person.  An insincere person is driven by the winds of social attitudes.  A sincere person has faith in their actions  

Practice Encouragement ~ Encouragement is the best way to inspire others to do the right thing and become the right person.  Encouragement is infinitely more powerful than denigration.

Practice Humility ~ To act without expectation of reward.  To speak without trying to impress others. To be humble and able to follow our self.

Practice Happiness ~ Happiness is infectious because it is something we all aspire for.  We are inspired by those who brush aside difficulties and retain a cheerful attitude to the world.

Practice Detachment ~  Detachment means we are concerned and thoughtful, but not demanding.  We do not expect other people to behave in a certain way, instead we give others freedom to make their own choices.  All we can do is support and inspire others to do the right thing without being attached to the result. 

Practice Kindness ~ Acting with kindness is the easiest and smallest of acts ... it makes a world of difference, and people are inclined to follow our lead.

Practice Selflessness ~  To be selfless means putting other people first.  When we give of our self, we encourage others to do the same. We don’t want to emulate selfish people, but people with selfless motives.

Most of us will rise to the expectations of the people who believe in us.  And one of the best ways to help each other live meaningful, significant lives, is to set an example by living that kind of a life yourself.