“ ... Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs
Messin' up the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign
And the sign says "Everybody welcome, come in,
kneel down and pray"
But then they passed around a plate at the end of it all
And I didn't have a penny to pay
So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own sign
I said, "Thank you Lord for thinking 'bout me,
I'm alive and doing fine", oh ... “
~ Tesla ~ Signs ~
Food addiction was never my problem ... it was only a symptom. It gave me a way out that I could never find on my own. I always wanted to be comfortable with me but I didn’t know how to get there. My deep-seated fears and insecurities seemed to always take over.
Once I got cancer-ed, I realized I had no real idea of how to deal with life on life’s terms. Everything got stripped away in all areas of my life. And today, nothing looks remotely the same as it did 5 years ago. And looking back, it feels like a past life.
Currently, still living with a dis-ease, I’ve had to explore new ways, healthier ways. The more I started to change the way I felt inside, the simpler life is getting. I realized the problem was never food, it was me. I only used food so that I could escape my fears and me. Once I was unable to hide behind food, I was faced with the reality of my situation. At my core, I feared that I wasn’t good enough, wouldn’t be loved and that something was wrong with me.
Yet as I started to shift into a peaceful path, a path of least resistance, life started to become easier. Suffering comes from not accepting what is. Life is always right, we just don’t have to like it that much. Shifting into a place of acceptance and understanding that all that I am looking for, is already within me. No need to prove, no need to show, no need to explain, no need to do. Just be. Simply be and accept who I am in this moment ... and discovering the things I don't like, as hard as it is to face, is what my spiritual growth needs.
And so the shift into a more serving, productive and peaceful path gives some meaning to being here. Sharing what we know and realizing our connection to each other, Gaia, and all it’s sentient beings. Some may few it as a fluffy view. Yet with a softer gaze things seem a little less contrast, a little more balanced.
Slowing things down ... a moment for gratitude because If cancer has given me anything, it's been time to do the things I would never have done otherwise.