“ I've heard it all before ...
I don't want to hear, I don't want to know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself ...
Save your words because you've gone too far
I've listened to your lies and all your stories ...
Don't explain yourself because talk is cheap
Forgive me... “
~ Madonna ~ Sorry ~
I’ve had people in my life that tend to apologize too much. And sadly, their expression didn’t mean much near the end of our connection. Mainly because they didn’t really mean it ... hence the compulsive apologies.
And perhaps we have all been there at some point ... like when we apologize for having our own opinion, or disagreeing with others, or even pointing out something that might disappoint others. But here is the thing ... when you constantly apologize, your viewpoint is considerably less effective. Because you seem to be sorry for pretty much everything, and maybe just maybe, use it as an excuse for your behavior ...
So why do “we” apologize for so much in our lives?
Well, there is a lot of integrity in a person who takes responsibility, understands and accepts their role, and has genuine remorse ... basically owning up to mistakes.
A legitimate use of the phrase “I’m sorry”.
But most of us apologize for being ourselves. We apologize for things that are out of our control or not meeting someone else’s expectations. We find ourselves apologizing for disappointment someone in some way. We find ourselves apologizing out of FEAR. Because we don’t want to someone to be angry or upset with us.
It is a means of giving away your power in hopes of buying safety and approval ...
Apologizing is a social convention that keeps our interactions “polite” and defuses tension, which can be super helpful. So observe yourself each time you say it, without judgement, and watch how often you depend on it.
I have found that checking in with my emotions just prior to saying sorry, guides me towards insight as to why I may rely on these words. The words we use and the actions we behave have impact and meaning ... simply put, say what you mean and mean what you say.