“ …Created time,
Now this ones mine,
Gave pictures frames …
Created man gave him woman,
Why did you do that for me?
These are the questions asked before
i lay me down and go to sleep,
Sometimes i wonder why you decided to keep you hands on me.
Of all the miracles, signs and wonders,
There's still one mystery,
How did you manage to love me?
How did you manage to love me? … “
~ R.Kelly ~ Manage ~
Recently, I was sharing a painful experience with a friend. I shared my sadness regarding someone who is no longer a part of my life. It wasn’t about re-living the experience, it was about sharing the load. It wasn't about romanticizing the past ... it was simply about sharing the load ....
And my friend said something that just made sense. She said, you just got tired of managing the relationship. Bam!! - yes, that’s it --- she had the wisdom to stop me from spiralling into self-doubt and self-pity. She let me know that it was okay and that I was not alone.
So ever wonder what you are managing, who you are tolerating, what are you putting up with to get through, get by, not rock the boat and let sleeping dogs lie? Do you give a special pass to family and friends versus acquaintances? Are you filled with resentment and/or envy? Do you suppress your emotions? What’s it all worth?
Questions to ask yourself, quietly,
when you are challenged, pushed to the limit, tested …
Grateful this time it is different. It didn’t take much to get out of a negative head space, the blame and shame game … did I do enough and could I do more? Realization to what is present and available … focusing on what is not what isn’t … and trusting it is part of their journey, not yours.
Gentle reminder … it is my job to love myself, not theirs.
It is liberating to focus on what is available in the present moment.
Regrets from the past are great reference points.
The future is open to strive for a goal.
Words are just letters on a paper unless they are supported by action. They have power, they have resonance and they have purpose. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Blessed to have real love present now.
Ask yourself do you manage or are you being manage?
Managing a relationship involves nurturing and growth, love and compassion, disagreements and respect … two sides. When people view the same situation differently, it is an opportunity for multiple perspectives. Yet, relationship problems often arise when power dynamics are unbalanced. Reflect and release … letting go of what no longer serves you. Each connection provides a deeper insight into who we really are, serving a purpose regardless how painful it may seem.
“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”
- Bernard Branson