" Receive ... "

Today's all about me, all about how I'm feeling 

Today's all about me learning how, how to receive 

How to receive, 

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ...

I move on through offerings, I found exciting 

In this slow on list of words of understanding 

I give hard and fight hard and now I need to retreat 

I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me ...

Today's all about me, all about how I'm feeling 

Today's all about me learning how, how to receive 

~ Alanis Morissette ~ Receive ~

***

Although it is an innate skill, Most of us were never taught how to open and receive.  It has been conditioned out of us.  Yet it is never to late to experience love, joy and abundant aliveness that is our birthright according to The Law of Abundance.  And the abundance I am referring to is the experience of being tapped into Source Energy ... where all good things flow to us and nourishment from our hearts.

So to learn how to receive you have to become more aware of your personal dynamic for receiving.  We are always vibrating energy and what we focus attention on determines how we vibrate.  Like attracts Like ... so when we focus on our heart we draw all things that are in sync with expansive heart energy.  

Ironically, by the universal laws that govern all of us, abundance is already given ... dependent on our alignment with it.  An unlimited Source of everything we need or could ever want is available to us all the time.  

Awaken your own natural state and be open 

to receive what is already abundantly given to us ...

This past week I received an abundance of gifts ... gifts of love, compassion and support.  I realized that when I am aligned with The Law of Abundance, I then move in oneness with it.  I realized that when I am open to receiving, I then move in oneness with it.  And the only things that limits me is my beliefs in lack and limitations ... because what is left is the real me ... joyful, creative and loving.

You may be wondering what determines your experience of abundance or lack of it.  Look beneath the conscious mind.  Usually from a subconscious place we pull ourselves out of alignment due to what we focus on, what we accept, what we believe and if we think we are worthy.  When we search out our limited beliefs, bring them to the fore front and consciously release them we free ourselves of self-sabotage.

Personal Mantra: 

let go of the resistance and open up to the flow of love and abundance creates ... 

" Give ... "

I been down right stubborn,

At one time or another,

And found it easier to bend.

I've had a shoulder to lean on

Been the one who got to be strong

And peace was waiting at both ends

I've felt the power, I've seen what it can do

It's seemed so simple, so simple that it's true

If you want to get love then give it

If you want to feel some forgiveness

Then you've gotta let go and do some forgiving of your own

If you want a friend then be one

A little bit of kindness, show some

You'll be surprised at how much finds it's way back home

It don't matter what it is

If you want it, give.

~ Leann Rimes ~ Give ~

***

I guess it would have been easier to just write a cheque, or donate money online but Monday morning we decided to contact the Siksika Reserve and find out what they needed and drop it off.  They are located in Gleichen, about 45 minutes to an hour away from Calgary and add another 40 minutes of commute time from our home to the city limits.  They need pretty much everything as 200 families were displaced during the recent Alberta floods.  

It has been a humbling experience ... this whole time.  Mother Nature, her fury and being able to do nothing but watch it happen.  Russell and I are so blessed to not have been physically affected but emotionally, well that is a whole other story.  An environment filled anxiety, fear, and stress as this wrath unfolds on our beautiful city.  

News reports reaching far and wide, overseas and down under ... Calls from friends and family ensuring everyone is “okay”.  Physically yes, okay, but this experience has changed our city, our citizens, our community ... a reality check, as things can change in an instant.

Yes it would have been easier to just send money but the impact that it had on us today is not replaceable ... gratitude, gratitude, gratitude for all we have ... an abundance.

We have so much and we are weathly ... maybe not in the eyes of the rich and famous, the oil barrons or the executives ... but in the eyes of those we met today, yes an abundance.

Tonight, I am going to let my burdens go.  

I am going to have faith that everything will get better.

There is something we all feel when we help others.  Perhaps an improved sense of well-being ... in order to help others in need ... a sense of purpose in life, an inner satisfaction.  Selfless giving ... no strings attached, recognizes that you have taken action in line with your spiritual beliefs by offering your resources to others in need. 

Personally, today was a very emotional and humbling experience.  It has been so easy to be consumed with my cr*p and today I realize, I have a roof on my head, I have warmth, I have food, I have a bed, I have ... an abundance.

I may not have everything I want but I have everything I need
at the two most important moments .... Here and Now.

If I need love, it’s already inside of me.

If I need peace, I just breathe.

If I need permission, I can say yes to me right now.

I have everything I need, because what I need is what I have.

" Carry You ... "

Lay down your burden I will carry you

I will carry you my child, my child

Lay down your burden I will carry you

I will carry you my child, my child

Cause I can walk on water...

Calm a restless sea

I've done a thousand things you've never done

And I'm really watching

While you struggle on your way

Call on my name, Ill come

~ Amy Grant ~ Carry You ~

***

Yesterday was an interesting day ... my parents are a 10 minute walk away and I decided to venture towards their direction in the afternoon as my mood was anxious, panicked and all around blah.  I guess I needed some parental TLC.  So as soon as I reached their home, I burst into tears.  

Ridiculous, yes, embarrassing, of course, necessary, absolutely.  

At 43 years of age, I guess I still needed my parents to tell me it’s all going to be okay.  My parents were in the middle of sorting out things for their big dinner party that night, so I am sure I didn’t really add much.  Yet, they still made time, heard my fears and put me to ease as much as they could.  I curled up on their bed and just let myself be taken are of.

My restlessness doesn’t help either and lately, my headaches are back, intermittently, and they always freak me out.  So all in all, I haven’t been a barrel of laughs to be around.  But I still carry on.  I hate the dark thoughts that occupy my mind at times.  I hate the feeling of not being safe.  I hate the feeling of wondering what’s the next bad thing that’s going to happen ... 

But I have been so lucky to have people to carry me on.  As mentioned many times before, Russell has been amazing.  He takes care of me and doesn’t complain.  Yet I know that he needs a break too ... and he won’t participate in my pity parties, he gives us space, so so wise.  And I have realized that I need to reach outside of the two of us and ask for support and help when I need it.  I guess that is what I did yesterday.  

I’ve been around my parents my whole life.  We have always lived in Calgary and in very close proximity.  I always felt that I needed to be close to them, to take care of them, to be there for them ... and I realize that I need them to take care of me too.  Especially now.  My parents brought us to Canada with very little and sacrificed a great deal for my sister and I, to have a good life, perhaps a better life than in India.  We owe a great deal to them.  We were provided for in every way including great education ... that is why it pains me to stress them with my problems.  I feel guilty pressuring them, I worry about their health as they worry about mine.  I guess a part of me feels I let them down and disappointed them once I was diagnosed.  I mean do they really need to deal with this?  Yet if you cannot share with your loved ones, who are you going to share with?  Believe me, like most families, we have quirks, but my parents presence brings me solace ... they are present, available and ready to deal with whatever comes our way.  

Remember I said the day was interesting?  Well it ended with my close friend inviting me to see the Mary Poppins production.  All I can say is it was super fun.  It brought me back to my youth as I had forgotten the story line.  Depending on what brought you to the show, there are always messages ... the main song Anything Can Happen was uplifting ... and of course who can forgot supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

I realized the whole day allowed me to feel like a child again ... happy, safe and carefree ... and regardless of what is to come, I know that there is an abundance of love and support around me.  I know I am never alone and that is something I can carry on within me.

" Blessings ... "

During this busy time, my hope is you are able to take some time to find your inner voice, quiet your mind and reflect on what makes this time of year so special.  

Regardless of your choice of faith, honour the season and the powerful winter solstice by taking time to respect your body, rest, rejunvenate and eat wholesome foods ... 

be kind and give yourself the best gift of loving care.

May this time for you be filled with joy, peace, health, abundance, love and a deep sense of compassion for yourself and your fellow being.  

Blessings ♥ M&R

"We Are Family ..."

" Ev'ryone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(ALL!) all of the people around us they say
Can they be that close
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose
We are family"
~ Sister Slege ~ We Are Family ~
***


We just had 3 full weeks of great family time ... Russell's Mum and her husband Ron were visiting us during their cross Canada tour.  They live in New Zealand, Russell's birthplace.  Usually it just the two of us in the house, so with Mum, Ron, and brother Tim over the house was full of energy.  Family dynamics can play a factor but fortunately we are all pretty laid back.  No expectations, just wanting to spend time together.  So we had a chance to experience all the local attractions in the city.  Most of the time, I took part in parts of the events, other times I stayed at home restricted by my therapy schedule.  And yes that was tough not being able to participate, but I know that this is temporary.  I enjoyed experiencing the love and support on a daily basis in our home.   Of course we have this already by my side of the family and friends that live here and are constantly connected to us.  It is just a little different when its in your space.  You never feel really alone.  It like a security blanket with you at all times.  And it's not smothering, it is there just in case you need it.


When you get a chance to spend some time together, you learn about each others preferences, opinions, differences and similarities.  Being in a respectful environment, you can learn a more about each other even after so many years.  And what doesn't change is the unconditional love a mother has for her son.  I could feel the strong bond Mum and Russ have.  The opportunity Mum had to see with her own eyes the sacrifices Russ makes on a daily basis to assist me on my wellness journey.  Definitely some very proud moments.  Realizing that family is love beyond words.  


During the past three weeks, I stopped and just took in all senses to remember that specific time.  Etching in my mind, remembering all that it offered.  Staying very present and still.  Allowing me to be very content.  Feeling very fortunate to have so much love in our combined families, overflowing and in abundance from parents, siblings and friends.


I know that if these were my last moments, they would be a glorious ones, a memorable ones and a happy ones.  Yet wanting more moments to reflect on, fuelling my motivation to continue winning the biggest fight of my life.

All is well in my world, all is very well.

"Birthday ..."

"You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you."

~ The Beatles ~ Birthday ~

***

Well I had another birthday yesterday and turned the big 4-2.  Yep, 42 years young.  Funny, I don't feel 42, but not sure what 42 is suppose to feel like so maybe I do?  Anyhow, as you know from celebrating Russell's birthday a couple of weeks ago, I love love love birthdays.  But this year, I didn't love love love mine.  I kinda just showed up.  Usually I anticipate it for weeks, and am just so excited for the day to come.  This year, I woke up annoyed, sad and angry.  Yeah, a real barrel of laughs I know.  

I tried to shake off the negative vibrations but I couldn't.  Most of the morning I was in my head, thinking, fearing, and just  so so sad.  I just felt that Life was so unfair.  Life just sucks at times.  Here is my birth - day and I am fighting cancer.  What the heck is going on?!?  Why is this happening?!?!  Rewind to 6 months ago at diagnosis and the sad and angry feeling were the same, real and very powerful.  I was emotional and told Russ, I was so afraid and that I didn't want to die of cancer.  He told me that is not going to happen and tried to comfort me, but the more he did, the more my head took over.  I needed to get in touch with my heart again, my intuition, my soul.  What were they saying, I had to listen hard over the voices in my head telling me that I was not going to make it.  I felt I was in a very dark place ... and to top it off, the day was overcast and rainy ... joy! ... and then something happened ... Russell took me by the hand and led me upstairs ... as soon as I got in our room, I cried, cried and cried.... and told him how I was feeling, and that I was trying to keep it all together, be positive and upbeat but ... I was feeling so so bad.  The fear was overwhelming.  

For some time, we just sat there hugging each other.  

After having the allowance to express my true feelings, I felt better, the load was lighten and I thought okay, enough of that ... it's my birthday after all!  The day I was born ... kinda cool actually.  And the last 6 months fighting cancer was not going to define the blessings in my life and the joy I have experienced.  Because how fortunate am I really???  Here I have a man that is standing by my side, thru a very very very challenging time.  That is his gift to me, every day, every moment.  The greatest gift of all.  And, soon after my perception started to shift, so did the happenings of the day ... loving phone calls and birthday wishes from family, lovely birthday cards, a beautiful flower delivery, numerous facebook messages, wonderful phone calls from friends, birthday dinner with my husband, parents and in-laws ... blessings.  

Then, I felt a bit ashamed to be so sad and angry earlier ... but it was real and so I honour those feelings instead of pushing them down so that they can further aggravate my illness.  So there is no shame.  Just being real.  It is more than okay to feel whatever you feel ... you cannot script everything in your life.  And true to what I believe, life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it, and what I do today will improve all my tomorrows.  So at the end of the day ... I reflected back to my day journey, and after my prayers, realized my day was so amazing, MY BIRTH - DAY, a time when my loved ones wanted to celebrate ME and they did ... I felt like the richest girl in the world.  

Life in Abundance comes only through Great Love ~ so so many Blessings.