" Say My Name ... "

Say my name, say my name 

If no one is around you 

Say baby I love you 

If you ain't runnin' game 

Say my name, say my name ... 

Why the sudden change 

I know you say that i am assuming things 

Something's going down thats the way it seems 

Shouldn't be the reason why you're acting strange 

If nobody's holding you back from me 

Cause I know how you useually do 

When you say everything to me times two 

Why can't you just tell the truth 

If somebody's there then tell me who 

Why the sudden change 

~ Destiny’s Child ~ Say My Name ~

***

Those who know me wonder why I have “two” names.  Is it Meena or is it Mini?  And why the two?  

Until recently I use to say that “Mini didn’t seem professional enough, so I changed it to Meena.  Meena is what they know me as in the workplace.  It has a nice ring to it ... blah blah blah ...”.  And I would of course add the story of where the name “Mini” came from ... which is a funny story for another blog.  

But again, the above was the explanation I use to give.  And yes it is all true, but there was more to it.  And now I can share what that is, because now, a huge realization set in for me.  

I changed my name after years of teasing ... I use to hear Mini Mouse, Mini Ravioli, and even are you a Mini or a Maxi ... yeah that one was very odd.  But I also changed my name because I never really liked who I was, I never really liked Mini.  I felt inadequate and un-worthy.  I didn’t feel like I was good enough, for anything.  I just didn’t like Mini.  So this was enough motivation to change my name, because maybe it would change me.  I could be someone else because I didn’t want the life I had, I wanted to be someone else, almost always.

But things have shifted.  And my friends may have noticed that even on facebook, I added Mini to my name.  I kept both only because I built an entire life around Meena, just like I had an entire life around Mini.

So what the change, again?  Well, I had a great conversation with a friend who asked me if I had found the blessing(s) in cancer.  And I said yes I had and there were many.  The biggest one is “now, love who I am”.  I have discovered self-love and it feels great.  I am in  alignment with my thoughts, my actions and my feelings.  I feel worthy, I feel adequate and I know I am doing the best I can with where I am at right now, exactly where I am suppose to be.

Well, there you have it ... and it may seem odd, but that’s okay, because I am good with odd too!  

Yes you can ask the question ... “what name do you prefer then?”.  Honestly, I prefer that you call me by the name you feel comfortable with, as YOU know me and who I am.  Because TADA! .... “it’s ME!”.  

Truly, a name is just a name, a label ... but it is the essence of a being, their presence and their actions who determine who they really are.  Their authentic self ... and at my core, I was and still am the same person.

“Bob Marley isn’t my name.  I don’t even know my name yet.”

~ Bob Marley ~

" Worthy Of ... "

Am I worthy of? ...

Am I strong enough?

To maintain this love

You’ve got me questioning (yeah)

Got me wondering (yeah, yeah) ...

Am I worthy of? ...

Am I strong enough? (strong enough, yeah)

To maintain this love (to maintain this love)

You’ve got me questioning 

Got me wondering (you got me wondering, yeah) ...

That can keep you happy

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I wanna keep you happy

~ Justin Timberlake ~ Worthy Of ~

***

Most of us have seen the commercial with the tag line ... “because your worth it”.  Which is all good and fine but the question is, do you really believe you are?

The issue of worthiness comes up all the time in our lives.  Unconsciously, we ask ourselves if we are worthy of success, love, happiness, etc.  We are not sure if we are good enough, if we deserve it and if we are truly worth it.  

But of course we are ALL worth it ... 

so why do we put ourselves through this cycle of suffering?

Well I think we lose sight of it ... we forget our value.  And maybe it starts with spiritual teachings of “love your neighbour as yourself”.  Although this is a beautiful practice, it is important that as we give and give to others, we don’t give out.  We don’t neglect ourselves, because once we do, we cannot help anyone.  

I remember as a child being told not to brag or be selfish.  I remember as a teenager, minimizing my accomplishments to avoid appearing conceited and just wanting to fit in.  And I recognize as an adult how I have developed a false humility to avoid looking prideful.  This engraves a pattern to not like yourself and believe that you don’t deserve anything. 

“Self-esteem suffers while self-worth is forgotten”.

The reality is that you must love and value yourself before you love others.  And you must have self-respect and acknowledge your own self-worth so that you can truly help thy neighbour.  Selfish, not at the least ... responsible, absolutely.  

Self worth comes from within and you not from having more money, more friends, a fancy car or a big house.  It is something intrinsic.  There are no replacements who can take over and live our lives for us ... no other person who has had the exact same experiences we have had, who has access to the same resources and relationships, nor who carries the same message to share with the world. 

It is your duty to treat the amazing creation you are in an amazing manner ...

Once you accept that you are here to fulfill a particular purpose, a purpose that no one other than you can bring to fruition, you will not longer question whether we are worthy.  And your purpose may be large or small ... remember, small acts of kindness share the stage with large acts of sacrifice.  

Believe we are all equally, exactly, and completely worthy of being here in this life.  Accept that we have been called here to serve and take the steps required to listen and respond to what our lives are asking us to do.

Why ... because you really are worth it and yes, so am I.

" Amazing Grace ... "

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

'Twas blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed ...

~ John Newton ~ Amazing Grace ~

***

Grace ... is it something we deserve or is it a gift?  And does giving grace to other guarantee that they will offer you the same?  Probably not ... but the one thing you will receive is peace of mind because the energy we expend on frustration and anger is a colossal waste of time.

This becomes apparent in various situations ... driving in traffic, dealing with co-workers, strangers we pass on the street, and of course our closets relationships.  People frustrate us because they don’t do what we think they should, say the proper things or just rub us the wrong way. It’s easy to get angry, real easy.

Perhaps believing that part of unlocking our best selves has to do with how we treat others.  It is just so hard at times to extend grace, to recognize that others, ourselves included, are not perfect, will not be perfect.  So for that reason exactly, we need to start to give them a little extra room. 

People need room ... room to account for their imperfection, room that chooses to forgive and forget, room that accounts for the fact that they irritate us but are still worthy of respect, kindness and love.  When people cross our paths, we don’t know where they are coming from ... their background, history, personality or story.  Practicing grace allows us to be merciful or compassionate in nature ... show an act of kindness, courtesy and an exemption. 

It is just as important to give ourselves grace.  Be kind with your words as the power of the tongue can actually bring things into being amazing.  We have the power to build ourselves up or tear ourselves down.  Remembering that everyday we can choose to step down so someone else can step up.  That is, to be kind and merciful towards others. To forgive someone, ourselves and just let go of the past.

" The Perfect Gift ... "

" Close your eyes and I will sing a song for you
I will always be there
I will always love you
And while you’re dreaming I will row your boat ashore
I will always be there for you

... You gave me the perfect gift."

~ Canadian Tenors ~ The Perfect Gift ~

***

The Perfect Gift ... does it really exist?  Perhaps in the eyes of the gift giver ... but what about the gift receiver?  From my own experience, I have struggled with learning how to fully take in a gift.  Gratitude ... yes, but even when I am writing thank-you notes and lists, have I fully received, taking in and assimilated the gift I've been given.  If this sounds familiar to you as well, I recently read an article to help us in this process.  To start, we need to recognize that we are being given a gift.  Then we need to create enough openness to take it in.  Next we need to appreciate it, value it or the intentions of the giver.  Finally, we need to feel that we deserve it .. the gift is neither too much, too little or too out of line with who we are.  For me, this hits home ... the feeling that I deserve it, I am worthy ... I have definitely struggled with this.


Seems really simple right ... so why then do some of us still struggle with this?  One reason may be we feel resistant to receiving a gift that isn't "meant" for us.  Not everyone's energy is aligned with ours ... some gifts comes with so many strings and expectations that make us very uncomfortable.  If you identify with this, then you have probably learned how to receive by looking at the meaning behind any feelings of resistance.  Sometimes they are messages telling you that it isn't wise to accept the offering.  It is important to listen to you inner "no" or "yes" but remember to treat each gift and giver differently ... are you projecting your past experience on the present?


Going beyond receiving a gift ... are you a wide receiver in life?  Do you easily accept favours and compliments?  Does this create feelings of guilt or insecurity?  Do you have fear that you don't have the means to reciprocate?  Another reason we don't receive help is that, on a subconscious level, it may make us feel inferior.  In some cultures, the giver is in the power position ... while the receiver is representing neediness.  Even when we are truly in need, our ego will often resist the discomfort of fully receiving.  


So how do you become better "wide receivers"?  


"Create Presence.  When someone offers you a kind word, a present, a favour, be aware of your state of mind .. if you rushed, distracted or preoccupied, you have much less capability to fully receive.


Avoid Judgement.  Resist the urge to think about what kind of offering you would have preferred.  Instead consider that the giver might only have a loving intention.


See the Gift as Message.  Appreciate the insight presented to you, the energy and blessing taking place.


Consciously Open Yourself.  Remind yourself to cultivate openness to whatever form love takes ... what is offered to you & the grace supporting it"


"When we improve our ability to fully receive, we will begin to notice how many gifts are being offered to us at every moment ... and whatever we give back becomes a part of the same dance ... the dance of giving and receiving, in which we are all one another's partners" (YogaJournal, December 2011)