" Dear God ... "

“ … Dear God the only thing I ask of you
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you 

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again oh no

Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away

I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways

Once again… “

~ Avenged Sevenfold ~ Dear God ~

***

“ I guess you’ve found God now “ was recently said.

Initially perplexed, I answered … “ I am learning to let go of fear with the intention to live the rest of this life with purpose and clarity “

You should have seen the expression on their face. ... 

Naturally during times of illness, great pain and suffering, we may gravitate toward a spiritual practice, as it provides a way sometimes to heal the grief, sadness and bitterness all held up in our hearts.  Spirituality can be a means to cope.

Yet personally speaking, it isn’t about have a better connection with God. It is about having a better connection with Life.  Not believing that a Divine being out in the Universe will grant me immortality, rather I’ve been exploring the dysfunctional relationship I have had with life  …   

Each moment, each day, dealing with what comes up … and realizing that when I face a type of suffering, my faith is tested.  True faith begins with detachment becoming open to whatever arises, the unknown.  An opportunity in the face of this unknown to experience a special kind of peace, that there are infinite possibilities.  Faith is about letting go of certain outcome, a certain solution. Faith is about trusting the process.  Faith is believing All Is Well, regardless of what is.

This comes at a time when acceptance is necessary.  That a certain solution may not exist.  That you don’t have to figure it all out in this moment.  And that maybe there really is nothing TO figure out.  Shifting to a place of being, and tired of doing.  I often think of cancer or any severe illness as a type of dance.  Hoping to take the lead and be in control but not knowing it could switch in a moment.

And so spirituality allows me to shift to a place of acceptance … to manage, cope, deal and thrive, despite of this challenge.  Great words to live by and a guiding mantra recited within every day.  As I said recently to family, no one said this was going to be easy.  Yet having the ability to let go during times of darkness is where my faith truly prevails.  

“ … rather than being better. today. be there for yourself. when you wander or feel stagnant. know your path and you are one. and just like your breath. up and down. your path is about learning. to love. you. unconditionally. so today sweet soul. trust what is within you. enjoy who you are. more than enough … “

www.walkstrong.ca

" With or Without You ... "

Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you ...

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away ...

My hands are tied

My body bruised

she's got me with

Nothing to win

Nothing left to lose

With or without you

With or without you

I can't live

With or without you

~ U2 ~ With or Without You ~

***

Yesterday I was blessed to speak with a dear friend of ours.  Charlie.  Russell and I met Charlie and his wife Mary Alice at the clinic last year.  And although it was brief, we shared a great deal with each other and have remained friends ever since.  It is nice knowing I can reach out to others, whom are on the Gerson Therapy, when I really need to.  Yesterday, I was one of those days.

Our conversation was full of many topics and one of them was about fear.  I shared with Charlie the emotional roller coaster I have been experiencing for the past few months.  Mainly triggered by physical healing reactions.  We both agreed that fear has only one purpose ... to debilitate you.  As I continue to share, Charlie keenly listened and then asked me a very direct question ... “what are you afraid of?”.  I really had to think about it.  What AM I afraid of?  I proceeded to answer in a round about way but finally quietly answered ... I am afraid to die.  You see, not many people talk openly about death.  And why would they ... are we not told if we focus on something it will happen?  But the reality is that if we face our fears, maybe we can work through them.  It is not as if I am inviting the concept ... I just plainly stated my fear around it.

Later in the day, I told Russell about my conversation ... and my fear.  Through heavy tears, I told him I feared getting worse not better, I feared becoming completely physically dependent, I feared the disappointment, suffering and pain I would cause him and my family if things didn’t work out.

Calmly, Russell talked to me about my spiritual beliefs around reincarnation ... he reminded me about my strong faith, and how it has carried me through this part of my journey.  Then he asked me to stop worrying about everyone else.  He asked me to focus on what I could do, in this life, for me.  He asked me to continue to share my gifts, my best.  He asked me to continue to live this life with him and enjoy what we have been blessed with.  He gave me perspective.  Perspective I needed.

Sometimes you need a bit more help than affirmations and meditations.  When you just need the allowance to admit your feelings, instead of ignoring them.  You cannot heal what you won’t confront.  I believe earthly angels come into our lives with a purpose ... perhaps to love and guide us when we lose our way, reminding us of the goodness we posses.  

The load feels a bit lighter today, thanks to Charlie and Russell.   

" Recovery ... "

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

~ Eminem ~ Recovery ~ 

***

At the end of the year most of us reflect on the going ons we have experienced.  2011 has been a wild ride to say the least for us.  With the start of the year ringing in my diagnosis, the remaining has been full of discoveries and lessons.  Those around me that are in a similar situation will attest to the personal transformation that occurs at a very rapid pace.  The "shift" that happens is not gentle ... it is abrupt.  Initially I felt that my life has turned upside down.  But upon reflection, it actually turned right side up.  The naive thought of being immortal faced me head on when I was dealt the dreaded C word .... And the most profound thought for me is that cancer is a word and not a sentence ... initiating my personal healing.  

Looking forward to 2012, a beginning of a new year full of success, adventure and possibility.  Instead of planning for a new car, new home or renovations, I choose to plan my life ~ what I want to achieve and how I want to grow as a person.  You know the saying that "Life is a journey” ... so are you the driver or a passenger? ... do you pick an adventurous route or snooze in the back?  Rather than life developing and me existing, I can choose to make things happen the way I design them instead of leaving it all up to chance.

So how I going to set my intentions for the new year?  

Well I figure I have to set the mood, a time for me to feel peaceful, relaxed and uninterrupted.  Once in a positive state and open to possibilities, I will write down my achievements for 2011 and then ... reflect on them.  One year ago my life was full of uncertainty, quiet chaos, anxiety and fear .... now I have peace, gratitude, confidence, and love.  I will allow myself to celebrate my success this year ... a tough year, but could have been worse and the best part, I am getting thru it.  I read recently that once you are diagnosed, at that moment, you are a survivor.  Such an empowering feeling.  

I have been checking in, asking myself questions around my year ~ who, what, when and where ... not why, because there are no definitive answers to that question.  That is where my strong faith kicks in ... I read today that “every sorrow has a spiritual lesson, if you get the lesson, life gets easier ... if you don’t, the sorrow gets tougher” (thanks Oprah!).  

Next, I will think about the areas of my life that are important such as spirituality, relationship with friends/family, personal development, career, etc ... and consider where I am with each right now, today ... then thinking about how I would like to positively change each area.  

Imagine ~ Dream ~ Design.  So powerful and effective to make it Real.  I may entertain the use of a dream board to paint a vivid picture of exactly how it will look for me.  Supporting this process, by prioritizing what areas need immediate action, setting dates, the importance around it, etc can be helpful as long as I am being true to myself.

I think the next step will be the most challenging.  I will ask myself who will share my intentions with me.  In the past, I have found that some do not always support my “new design” and try to burst my bubble.  And it is not intentional, they just like life to be the way it is and do not want change.  They fear that I may fail and are too protective of me ... as I experienced this year where others may think it’s best for me to take a more conventional route and do things the way they understand.  I have realized that each person is an unique individual with their own set of life situations and challenges ... if we listen to and take negative comments of others, we are bound to struggle to achieve our intentions.  

Valued Lesson: I will share my intentions with those who will support me, encourage me and be inspired by me ♥

In wrapping up 2011, one word comes to mind ... BLESSED.  At this moment, I feel healthy, loved, safe and secure.  I choose to live in abundance of all good things and know that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.  

And what will my 2012 dream board look like? ... 

• pictures of how my life is going to be, what I will have, and what is important to me
• words that inspire me to dream big and take action ... and I will imagine the feelings surrounding those dreams

So till next year my friends ... may the light shine brightly in your heart and the upcoming year be full of powerful changes allowing you to let go of the past so your life can be richer and fuller with room for multiple blessings and joy.

We are the light of the world ~ so let us share it willingly, lovingly and unconditionally ♥ R.Bankapur

" Rushing ... "

"This year, this Christmas forever,

And the weeks and the months go rushing by

This year we've learned to live

How to forget, and how to forgive without fear"

~ Moby ~ Rushing~ 

***

What's the rush?  I guess it is easy to ask that question when your days are filled with the schedule I have, but seriously ... what IS the rush?  Pretty much everyone seems to be in a hurry, have lots on their plate, feeling burnt out, run down, and have very little time to do much of anything.  Plus with the holiday season upon us, there are plenty of parties and festivities and expectations ... take that busy crazy life and double it!

Recently, I read that highly sensitive people don't like to work under stress and pressure.  It makes them nervous and lessens the quality of their performance.  Makes sense to me ... a highly sensitive person.  With a high level of consciousness, I have had conflict between wanting to do well and feeling unable to do so ... building an intense internal struggle.  Yes, no wonder burn out was familiar territory ... then a sense of pressure ... and then rushing.

So why do we rush?  You see, within our internal battlefield, we are driven to perform, excel and succeed ... do good work, earn more money .. or have fear that we don't have enough.  For some of us, we feel flawed for being overly sensitive and try to prove that we are not.  We feel behind in life accomplishments or over-scheduled because we don't want to miss anything ... but in the end we do things that are not important to us.  Sometimes, we postpone the things that bring us pleasure until we have completed our tasks ... but they are never ending it seems.

Sometimes we don’t use our time wisely ... we play games, answer lots of email, create complicated solutions to our small problems ... and then rush to compensate.  Rush because we feel we have limited energy for any one thing and cram it all into as much possible time available.  Maybe we rush because we are afraid to stop ... to see what is underneath, emotionally, when we slow down.

So how can we stop the busyness and feel less rushed?  We can start by making new choices.  Recognize that rushing is a choice.  We can choose to follow our intuition about what is the next important thing for us to focus on.  Honour deeper intuitive messages that guide our lives.  Become conscious and deliberate about the choices we make.  We can observe, not absorb, the energy of rushing around us.  We can build counter-rushing time into our schedule.  

So plan to slow down to the speed of your life and ask yourself if the choice you are making is in alignment with who you are here to be ... and remember, from a spiritual perspective: 

You are right on time. 

" Born To Lead ... "

"With eyes closed tightly,

I march so blindly.

Pretending everything's fine,

'Cause you're there to keep me in line.

I don't want your guidance,

I'll break my silence.

So sick of asking and being denied and now I realize.

We're holding the key, to unlock our destiny,

We were Born To Lead"

~ Hoobastank ~ Born To Lead ~

***

We all have to earn a living, whether it be as an entrepreneur or working for someone else.  During these working hours, we are required to "serve the vision of our employer or business"  We take on a load of responsibilities, learn best in class strategies and practices, get trained while immersing in the "company culture".  Ultimately, meeting the objective of the company.  And for some, including my past life, they devote their whole life to working ... workaholics .. even after work and during weekends.  Their life is essentially tied to serving their company.

So, what if you started viewing your life as your company instead?  Yep, you read that right ... if you think of your life as your company, and you are the CEO of your life.  Once you get your head around this idea, start asking yourself some questions ... are you leading your life to its highest possible success? And if your company's overall status matches your life's overall status, are you a leader?  How is your personal growth department doing?  Do others want to invest in your life?  Or are you struggling to survive?  Gives you something to think about ...

And what about the purpose of your company ... have you discovered YOUR purpose?  Your company's vision, which is an articulation of your vision, such as your life goals ~ have you identified them?  Without a clear vision, our lives can appear randomly scattered and not optimized toward a common direction ... with no singular focus at all.

This all may seem a bit difficult to take on so what I do is look at aspects of my life, like a pie (hmmmm just for a moment I fantasize about a nice slice of homemade apple pie ...) ... whoops! okay back to the subject at hand please! ... I look at the departments in my life like slices of pie ... Health & Wellness, Relationships, Career, Wealth, Spirituality, etc ... 

Many people fall into the trap of overly focusing in the department of career and wealth, neglecting the rest.  They fill their life with "things" to overcompensate for missing aspects in their life.  They measure their "self-worth" by their bank account figure.  And, hey, no judgement, if that works for you, carry on my friend.  For me, I have realized that all departments need to be performing at the peak to lead my best life.  I can't neglect your Health and Relationships and expect my life to be soaring.  

So if you dare, take the time to do a personal performance review on your life ... ask yourself some of these questions and determine if there are certain departments in your life that need some attention.  Because each department in your life exists for a reason, serving a particular unique function, to make you whole, complete, and perfectly YOU.

" You're A Superstar ..."

"Reach for the sky, and hold your head up high
For tonight, and every night, you're a superstar
And don't you be afraid
Think of all the friends you've made
Like any other night you've got your name in lights
You're a superstar"

~ Love Inc ~ You're A Superstar ~

***

When my wellness journey started, I had a real choice to make.  Would I curl up and hope it would all go away ... or would I share.  Initially my blog, WalkStrong, was set up for my walking club and to support my keen interest in fitness.  Also, to display a compilation of articles, news and general information regarding health and fitness.  After my cancer diagnosis, I decided to really work my blog.  "To share a collection of thoughts, experiences and emotions regarding a natural therapeutic and wellness approach to beating cancer" ... that is what I came up with for a "description" when recently asked.

Starting from the beginning, treatment at the Gerson Clinic in March 2011, and now, a continuance of frequent updates about anything from natural supplements, emotional detox, spirituality and awareness ... to rants and discussions to give you food for thought.  

And during this journey, I have had loads of feedback ~ private messages, comments, emails, notes and calls, giving me the thumbs up.  I have been so humbled by the idea that I inspire others.  It is a real honour to write, share and help others.  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, it truly motivates me to continue with the path of communication.

I continue to write outside of this blog too, compiling my "story", the one I will choose to share perhaps one day on a grander scale ... an interesting journey that has been painful, playful and liberating all rolled up in one ... and still a work in progress.

So this is to thank YOUs for your support and asking that you keep it coming ... you've made me feel like a "superstar", holding my head up high at the times I need to the most.  I am surrounded by an exceptional number of incredible people, I like to call Earth Angels ~ you know who you are!  Much Love ♥