" One Year Of Love ... "

Just surrender to your love,

Just one year of love,

Is better that a lifetime alone,

One sentimental moment in your arms,

Is like a shooting star right through my heart,

It's always a rainy day without you,

I'm a prisoner of love inside you -

I'm falling apart all around you - yeah.

And all I can do is surrender ...

~ Queen ~ One Year Of Love ~

***

March 7, 2011, exactly one year since I started the full Gerson Therapy.  I know wild eh?  Three words capture it perfectly ... what a journey!  In the beginning, it seemed unattainable as I didn’t know if we would make one week let alone one year.  But I had to shift and start focusing on enjoying the journey instead of “getting off the therapy”.  I had to completely embrace my new life and the opportunity presented to me for self-discovery and growth.

My new life ... taking me in a totally different direction from where I was heading.  But to step into this path I had to stop mourning the loss of my old life.  I had to let go and surrender.  I began by cleansing each and every aspect of my life on all health levels ... emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

And upon reflection, my former life was really full of one challenge after another, as I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough or strong enough ... basically not deserving of the success I was achieving.  I was tired of beating myself up all day, every day, and I had to make myself a priority.

Cherrie Moraga quoted “Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation”.  Yes, I can relate ... definitely a radical transformation.  And during this time, I have received an abundance of blessings.  As tough as this journey is, the possibilities are endless.  I have been given another chance to decide exactly how the rest of my life will unfold.

And for those that are curious about the tumours, my last consult went extremely well.  My Gerson and local doctors were over the moon with my results.  My body is healing thanks to it’s alkaline state.  Honestly speaking, we really didn’t know if Gerson would “work” in the beginning ... yet as the hours turned to days, and the days turned to months, and now one year ... all the hard work has paid off.

So as I shine my light onward to the next 8 to 12 months of therapy, my intentions are to continue to heal my body, mind and soul ... my LIFE for the rest of my life.  And although I can’t say that I have loved every moment of the last year, with every high and low has come valuable lessons.  Lessons that I know I wouldn’t have experienced if it wasn’t for my cancer diagnosis ... experiencing real healthy food, yoga, meditation, sunshine, walks, time with precious family and friends, gardening, music, writing, fun books, good movies, concerts, theater and life ... for as long as I’m blessed to have it.  

At the very least, I’ve learned about what matters ... "finding courage, keeping hope and losing fear".

Peace and Carrots ॐ 

M

" Ahead Of The Curve ... "

I had shoes to fill

Walking barefoot now

Can't tell north from south

But no split hair's gonna get me down, no

I'm stayin' above the flat line

And I'm ahead of the curve

Take a piece of the sunshine with me

On a red-eye flight to another world

~ Ahead Of The Curve ~ Monsters of Folk ~

***

Life throws you so many curveballs when you least expect it.  One day can be almost perfect and another day leaving you wondering where you went wrong.  Wouldn’t it be nice if life had a pause button?

I will say it is easier to block out everything that makes the world not seem like the great, fantastic place I want it to be.  Hide from the bad stuff because I just want the good parts.  I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to take it on ... turns out, I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. 

The never-ending struggle of knowing things that I actually have control over and those of which I cannot change.  The wisdom part is what I struggle with the most ... knowing when to keep going and when to stop.  Knowing the difference is a life-long process.  And through these distressful moments, I strive to be braver than the times before, armed with courage.  I realize that there are times for me to just close my eyes and let everything go.   I need to let the Him have control ... believing that the greatests lessons are given to his best students.

Without a doubt, having a balanced relationship with Russell has allowed us to tackle most issues together.  We trust that each other is looking out for the other.  Individually we are strong, yet combined has made us a force ready for anything.  Every step in unison ... I realized that if we can deal with cancer, we can really deal with anything that comes our way. 

No matter what we may be going through, there is always beauty that surrounds us each and every day ... remembering to find it and take some time out to savor it, even briefly.  I believe this beauty has a positive energy and vibe that we can tap into when we need to... to recharge ourselves in the midst of a difficult situation and replace negativity with the healthier alternative.

Nothing is always perfect and I believe there is a greater plan in play.  I can be the one who decides how full or empty my glass is while life continues to throw these curveballs ... choosing to hit it right out of the park.

" Recovery ... "

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road

~ Eminem ~ Recovery ~ 

***

At the end of the year most of us reflect on the going ons we have experienced.  2011 has been a wild ride to say the least for us.  With the start of the year ringing in my diagnosis, the remaining has been full of discoveries and lessons.  Those around me that are in a similar situation will attest to the personal transformation that occurs at a very rapid pace.  The "shift" that happens is not gentle ... it is abrupt.  Initially I felt that my life has turned upside down.  But upon reflection, it actually turned right side up.  The naive thought of being immortal faced me head on when I was dealt the dreaded C word .... And the most profound thought for me is that cancer is a word and not a sentence ... initiating my personal healing.  

Looking forward to 2012, a beginning of a new year full of success, adventure and possibility.  Instead of planning for a new car, new home or renovations, I choose to plan my life ~ what I want to achieve and how I want to grow as a person.  You know the saying that "Life is a journey” ... so are you the driver or a passenger? ... do you pick an adventurous route or snooze in the back?  Rather than life developing and me existing, I can choose to make things happen the way I design them instead of leaving it all up to chance.

So how I going to set my intentions for the new year?  

Well I figure I have to set the mood, a time for me to feel peaceful, relaxed and uninterrupted.  Once in a positive state and open to possibilities, I will write down my achievements for 2011 and then ... reflect on them.  One year ago my life was full of uncertainty, quiet chaos, anxiety and fear .... now I have peace, gratitude, confidence, and love.  I will allow myself to celebrate my success this year ... a tough year, but could have been worse and the best part, I am getting thru it.  I read recently that once you are diagnosed, at that moment, you are a survivor.  Such an empowering feeling.  

I have been checking in, asking myself questions around my year ~ who, what, when and where ... not why, because there are no definitive answers to that question.  That is where my strong faith kicks in ... I read today that “every sorrow has a spiritual lesson, if you get the lesson, life gets easier ... if you don’t, the sorrow gets tougher” (thanks Oprah!).  

Next, I will think about the areas of my life that are important such as spirituality, relationship with friends/family, personal development, career, etc ... and consider where I am with each right now, today ... then thinking about how I would like to positively change each area.  

Imagine ~ Dream ~ Design.  So powerful and effective to make it Real.  I may entertain the use of a dream board to paint a vivid picture of exactly how it will look for me.  Supporting this process, by prioritizing what areas need immediate action, setting dates, the importance around it, etc can be helpful as long as I am being true to myself.

I think the next step will be the most challenging.  I will ask myself who will share my intentions with me.  In the past, I have found that some do not always support my “new design” and try to burst my bubble.  And it is not intentional, they just like life to be the way it is and do not want change.  They fear that I may fail and are too protective of me ... as I experienced this year where others may think it’s best for me to take a more conventional route and do things the way they understand.  I have realized that each person is an unique individual with their own set of life situations and challenges ... if we listen to and take negative comments of others, we are bound to struggle to achieve our intentions.  

Valued Lesson: I will share my intentions with those who will support me, encourage me and be inspired by me ♥

In wrapping up 2011, one word comes to mind ... BLESSED.  At this moment, I feel healthy, loved, safe and secure.  I choose to live in abundance of all good things and know that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.  

And what will my 2012 dream board look like? ... 

• pictures of how my life is going to be, what I will have, and what is important to me
• words that inspire me to dream big and take action ... and I will imagine the feelings surrounding those dreams

So till next year my friends ... may the light shine brightly in your heart and the upcoming year be full of powerful changes allowing you to let go of the past so your life can be richer and fuller with room for multiple blessings and joy.

We are the light of the world ~ so let us share it willingly, lovingly and unconditionally ♥ R.Bankapur

" Creepin' In ... "

"There's a big ol' hole
goes right through the sole
Of this old shoe
And the water on the ground
Ain't got no place else its found
So it's only got one thing left to do

Just Creep on in
Creep on in
An' once it has begun
Won't stop until it's done
Sneaking in"

~ Norah Jones ~ Creepin' in ~

***

Just when you think you got it all figured out ... it creeps in ... FEAR.  Once again, I thought I had this bad boy under control ... and bingo bango, it hits you in the face.  So what triggered it this time?  Well it could have been the "personal" visit from the rehabilitation specialist representing the insurance company.  Yeah, you read that right, they wanted to "put a face to a name".  Read between the lines ... they wanted to make sure I am doing what I say I am doing.  Not checking in but checking up.  Am I paranoid, nah, am I a realist, you better believe it.  

In preparing for the visit, Russell suggested show them my enema "apparatus" ... don't worry that didn't happen!  But I offered to show her the 50 lbs of carrots, the Gerson approved juicer, the medications cupboard, shower filters, and the list goes on ... nope, not interested ... They just want to know when you can go back to work.  Cancer Scmancer.  Not that I am surprised ... but oddly that is not what triggered the fear.  

So what did then, what triggered my FEAR ... let's see ... well it could have been the vacant look when I started explaining the therapy, no wait maybe it was the pity in their eyes thinking that you are fooling yourself by "healing your body" wholistically, or was it the feeling of being scolded and told that "you know this is a serious dis-ease which require serious measures like mastectomies", hmmm or maybe it was the questioning on if I regret the treatment choice because it is SO labour intensive .... WOW, thanks for all that, now I REALLY know what I am up for. Forget that you don't really want to know that I am on week 38 working this 12/hour a day programme, 7 days a week, with no financial support, with Russell by my side every moment managing my feelings, emotions, physical pains, aches and just trying to keep an optimistic view on a dis-ease that has become the number one killer, surpassing heart dis-ease ... 

Le sigh ... just breath and this too shall pass.

... And it did, and I am better as I write this, releasing the fear, pain and sadness that comes on this journey. I was disappointed in myself, angry actually after all of this ... asking myself how could I let this get to me ... telling myself, you were doing so well ... but realizing that hey, guess what, you are human and it is OKAY because this is one more check stop, questioning my path ... but I know that no matter whatever comes our way, Russell and I will handle it, we always do ... and besides what's the worst thing that can happen?  Oh right, it already has ... cancer.  

Funny, as I was about to wrap up this blog there was a knock on the door ... UPS delivery, the book I had on order "The Biology of Belief ~ Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles" by Bruce Lipton.  A sign perhaps, or just very good timing ... either way, I'll take it.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways" 
~ John Wayne

" You're A Superstar ..."

"Reach for the sky, and hold your head up high
For tonight, and every night, you're a superstar
And don't you be afraid
Think of all the friends you've made
Like any other night you've got your name in lights
You're a superstar"

~ Love Inc ~ You're A Superstar ~

***

When my wellness journey started, I had a real choice to make.  Would I curl up and hope it would all go away ... or would I share.  Initially my blog, WalkStrong, was set up for my walking club and to support my keen interest in fitness.  Also, to display a compilation of articles, news and general information regarding health and fitness.  After my cancer diagnosis, I decided to really work my blog.  "To share a collection of thoughts, experiences and emotions regarding a natural therapeutic and wellness approach to beating cancer" ... that is what I came up with for a "description" when recently asked.

Starting from the beginning, treatment at the Gerson Clinic in March 2011, and now, a continuance of frequent updates about anything from natural supplements, emotional detox, spirituality and awareness ... to rants and discussions to give you food for thought.  

And during this journey, I have had loads of feedback ~ private messages, comments, emails, notes and calls, giving me the thumbs up.  I have been so humbled by the idea that I inspire others.  It is a real honour to write, share and help others.  I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, it truly motivates me to continue with the path of communication.

I continue to write outside of this blog too, compiling my "story", the one I will choose to share perhaps one day on a grander scale ... an interesting journey that has been painful, playful and liberating all rolled up in one ... and still a work in progress.

So this is to thank YOUs for your support and asking that you keep it coming ... you've made me feel like a "superstar", holding my head up high at the times I need to the most.  I am surrounded by an exceptional number of incredible people, I like to call Earth Angels ~ you know who you are!  Much Love ♥