" Dear God ... "

“ … Dear God the only thing I ask of you
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you 

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again oh no

Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away

I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways

Once again… “

~ Avenged Sevenfold ~ Dear God ~

***

“ I guess you’ve found God now “ was recently said.

Initially perplexed, I answered … “ I am learning to let go of fear with the intention to live the rest of this life with purpose and clarity “

You should have seen the expression on their face. ... 

Naturally during times of illness, great pain and suffering, we may gravitate toward a spiritual practice, as it provides a way sometimes to heal the grief, sadness and bitterness all held up in our hearts.  Spirituality can be a means to cope.

Yet personally speaking, it isn’t about have a better connection with God. It is about having a better connection with Life.  Not believing that a Divine being out in the Universe will grant me immortality, rather I’ve been exploring the dysfunctional relationship I have had with life  …   

Each moment, each day, dealing with what comes up … and realizing that when I face a type of suffering, my faith is tested.  True faith begins with detachment becoming open to whatever arises, the unknown.  An opportunity in the face of this unknown to experience a special kind of peace, that there are infinite possibilities.  Faith is about letting go of certain outcome, a certain solution. Faith is about trusting the process.  Faith is believing All Is Well, regardless of what is.

This comes at a time when acceptance is necessary.  That a certain solution may not exist.  That you don’t have to figure it all out in this moment.  And that maybe there really is nothing TO figure out.  Shifting to a place of being, and tired of doing.  I often think of cancer or any severe illness as a type of dance.  Hoping to take the lead and be in control but not knowing it could switch in a moment.

And so spirituality allows me to shift to a place of acceptance … to manage, cope, deal and thrive, despite of this challenge.  Great words to live by and a guiding mantra recited within every day.  As I said recently to family, no one said this was going to be easy.  Yet having the ability to let go during times of darkness is where my faith truly prevails.  

“ … rather than being better. today. be there for yourself. when you wander or feel stagnant. know your path and you are one. and just like your breath. up and down. your path is about learning. to love. you. unconditionally. so today sweet soul. trust what is within you. enjoy who you are. more than enough … “

www.walkstrong.ca

" Open ... "

“ ... Times have changed in just a few months

Why can't things be the same

And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious

When it's really open.

And maybe this time

When it's really open.

Spitting fire back and forth now

Times have changed in just a few months ... “

~ Demi Levato ~ Open ~ 

***

How do you live when you know you are dying?  A heavy question to begin with but one that every being has faced head on when with dis-ease.  

Yes, we all live with the fact of impermanence, whether or not we have a life-threatening dis-ease.  It is when we are ill, we begin to have more clarity on how unpredictable life truly is ... and the inevitability that each of us will die in some way, at some time.

Experience with cancer has actually given me the gift of a mindfulness practice.  Within this practice, I see impermanence more clearly and am developing a wiser relationship with it in daily life.  And working on having the ability to face whatever the conditions may be, with intelligence and kindness towards self.  

This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal awareness around the fragility of the body and yet the accessibility towards freedom of mind.  This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal the lack of desire to control the uncontrollable.  This mindfulness practice has begun with acceptance of what is.

I use to struggle with the concept of accepting impermanence along with wanting to live as long as I could.  Now I see cancer as an encounter with impermanence every day because I see the difference between expectations and openness.

Openness is our natural state of mind, allowing positive qualities to be experienced and expressed.  When facing cancer, openness can be obscured by fears and hopes, and expectations must be met.  Openness creates another option, to whatever arises, regardless of the outcome.  

Death is not personal.  We all get a chance at it ... some day in some way.  Hence, an approach of openness can be a source of limitless potential when challenged.  Here we recognize our fears and begin to lessen its grip in the present moment.  Allowing for good medicine for the living and dying ... 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Nothing Else Matters ... "

So close no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

Forever trusting who we are

And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

All these words I don't just say

And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you

Every day for us something new

Open mind for a different view

And nothing else matters

~ Metallica ~ Nothing Else Matters ~

***

Never treat someone like a priority when they treat you like an option ... 

How many times have you seen this phrase and told yourself that will never be me.  Think again.  A priority is when you mark a date off in your calendar, cancel your other plans and commit.  A priority is when you presume that what is planned is going to happen.  Pretty simple.  Yet here is the catch ... you also presume that the other person(s) are treating you like a priority too.  

An option, on the other hand is much more flexible.  An option is simply the possibility of doing something, with real plans to be announced.  And they are emotionally driven – we will meet up when it feels right ... we will do what we feel like doing at that time.  Any plans are really only guidelines for what is going to be an emotionally driven activity.

The thing about taking the “option” approach is that there is low-pressure  ... and it makes you look easygoing and not to bothered by much.  By treating others like options, you prevent the logistics of the situation from interfering with the emotions of the situation.  Easy come, easy go ... easy to reschedule.

Think again.  When you treat another like an option, not caring if you reschedule, change plans or cancel, you send a message with clarity.  You are simply unavailable and they don’t matter.  They are not a priority. Period.

Those that treat you like an option are okay with disappointing you by failing to meet their commitments, plans or promises they have made.  And the treatment is selective as you see they will ensure not to disappoint others.  

If you are prone to internalizing these experiences and inclined to correlate them to your worth, you are heading towards a very slippery slope.  The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. 

Don’t ever forget your worth.  Spend time with those who value you, not tolerate you.  Loving and respecting others mean allowing them to be themselves.  When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you begin to appreciate who they are, not who you want them to be.  

Every human being is a remarkable and beautiful person ... it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it ... others rarely behave they way you want them to.  Accept it.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Failure ... "

“ ... Life will come our way, it has only just begun

The world will die alone, the frail will fall below

Time will take our place, we return it back to one

The calm before the cold, the long and lonely road

Look for the light that leads me home

Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go

Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down

Failure

We bury the sunlight, we bury the sunlight

Failure, failure ... “

~ Breaking Benjamin ~ Failure ~

***

It is still hard to say the F word out loud.  Most of us feel awkward, vulnerable, uncomfortable with the idea.    We are afraid of it and don’t want to even mention it in case we jinx our situation ... and by the way, the F word I am referring to is ... failure.  

For most of my life, I allowed failure to define me.  I let failure decide if I was going to achieve what I set out.  I let failure guide my outcome.  Regardless of new work, new ventures or new goals, failure always crept into my mind.  

Yet I have had to learn that over time, learning to love failure and embrace it in ways, give me power.  Failure does not require me to give up, it requires me to learn ... more.  I have had to learn that failure can be a momentary defeat, something that is a small obstacle, to again, learn and move through.  

Failure is only real once you accept it as real

you only fail at something once you give up on it ... 

Failure gives us a to re-evaluate and find the gift within what has occurred, teaching something valuable.  Failure will never seem permanent, nor will it shatter your confidence and belief in yourself.  

Failure may paralyze you,  

but it doesn’t define you ...

If we simply view failure as progress, we realize we are moving forward.  The only way to never achieve anything in life is to never try to do anything.  When we experience failure, we are in the process of learning, growing and achieving our goals. 

Regardless of your level of risk taking, your level of success will be equivalent to the level of the failure that came before it ... failure is not as important as the courage it takes to try ... keep going, you are enough xx

www.walkstrong.ca

" Dismissed ... "

“Now you're talkin' like I've never played the game before

Save your empty words 'cause I don't wanna hear no more

Basically you're trying to take control of me

But you're not what i wanna be

Do your best to try to pull me down

I'm never goin' back even if I see you around, no

No, I'm never goin' down like this

You've been dismissed “

~ Zoegirl ~ Dismissed ~

***

Think about the last time you expressed yourself and heard ... "cheer up, don’t feel that way, sorry to hear that or I hope you feel better soon".  How did it make you feel?  If you read between the lines, some are saying ... I don’t want to hear about it.  So therefore, all it is is a disguise of casual politeness.

Of course this doesn’t happen ALL the time, but such exchanges occur a LOT of the time.  You just have to listen carefully ...  

So here’s the deal ...

Whenever you talk about how you’re really feeling or what you really think, especially if it is deemed “negative” ... people get uncomfortable.  You see them fidget, squirm or maybe even criticize you sideways.  They may try to shut you up, censor you, change the topic, distract you ... or the most delusional of all ... make it seem like it’s “allllll good”.

Setting boundaries are different than invalidating someone.  It is odd to think that you are indefinitely available to other people and they are to you.  However, if they ask and you share and then they deflect your thoughts and/or feelings, you have been dismissed ... after all, they asked didn't they?  

Sounds insensitive but they got what they asked for and they didn’t like it.  Now it is about you and you are are the problem ... maybe they question how you really feel, shouldn’t feel, should feel and will feel ... in a subtle way, you have just been censored.

“Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming 

that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. 

When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain 

you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others.” 

― S.L. Alder

A great place to begin is to ... lighten up.  You are not the problem.  You may be temporarily experiencing a negative emotion.  But the sun came up and it will most probably set again today.  You see, your emotions may be alerting you to problems in your thinking, but you may not have a problem with the way of feeling.  It is always what you do with that feeling, respectfully and peacefully.

Realize some are simply uncomfortable with HOW you are feeling.  Rather than taking responsibility for their own discomfort when you talk about something that's too emotional, they will blame you.  Because they are unwilling to get emotional, or to be fully present, or to genuinely accept that you feel the way you do.  

Usually others don’t want to experience your negative emotions because it is painful.  Painful when they realize that you may become their problem when you voice what 

they cannot accept in their own self.

www.walkstrong.ca

" KickStart ... "

You want me to come over

I got an excuse

Might be holding your hand

But I'm holding it loose

Go to talk then we choke

It's like our necks in a noose

Avoid the obvious

We should be facing the truth

Start to think it could be fizzling out

Kinda shocked because I never really had any doubts

Look into your eyes, imagine life without ya

And the love kickstarts again

Starts again

And the love kickstarts again

Starts again

~ Example ~ KickStart ~ 

***

We all set an example by simply being.  And for those of us with the extra challenge of a health concern, it is critical.  Being Present.

We focus on the future generation and our children when leading by example, being good role models and parents.  Yet there are times when we need someone to lead us.

During times of uncertainty and darkness, 

we look to those with strength and courage to lighten the load.

During times of sadness and grief, 

we look to those with love and support to carry us through.

Personally speaking, it has been possible to still live, hold a job, take care of families & friends, and remain active in the community ... with cancer.  Now, life has more meaning, more purpose, more value.  Now, living this life is about creating an environment where others can feel comfortable in sharing what they are facing.  A calling, a purpose ... whatever it may be, regardless, it feels good to be useful.

And there is always help along he way.  Blessed to have a few in my life who inspire me every day with their passion, their zest, their spark, their wisdom, their guidance and the simple love of life ... no matter what challenge they are facing.  They motivate me to live authentically from heart and soul because they’ve taught me that perhaps this diagnosis is a part of my life and not necessarily the cause of my death.

We find ourselves in situations out of our control.  Cancer can be one of them.  It is unpredictable and it is a game.  A game to get ahead of it and neutralize it.  And just when you think you’ve got it figured out, there is another lesson to be learned.  A journey full of suffering and blessings all packaged into one.  

Acceptance ...

Leading by example implies you take responsibility and choose as what you are going to do with your challenge.  And so you have a choice ... do you let it define you or do you let it drive you?  Because either way, life is happening through you, not to you.  Choosing what you do with it determines how you live ... your example to all those around you.  The way you live, act and behave matters.  Consider what your influence, how you want to be remembered and what is your legacy.  

Because setting an example by the way you be 

is the only authentic way to positively influence your world ...

www.walkstrong.ca

" Unfold … "

It doesn't lessen my hope

You know our time and all

Oh let it unfold

I won't leave it untold

The feeling goes on and on and on

You tell me things you've never said

Oh, the illusions getting old

I would have given you it all ...

The feeling goes on and on and on

~ The Xx ~ Unfold ~ 

***

Unfold ... allowing things to unfold is about noticing what is, as it is, in its absolute perfection by surrendering our personal need to control things.  When everything in form falls away, we realize this is who we are.  By simplifying life itself with no effort to do, just pure being ... 

Oddly, with all the efforts we put into resisting life, we actually miss it.  We get caught in the should be’s and might have been’s that only support anxiety and regret.  

But if we at the same time, realize that here is LIFE ... perfect as it is ... effortlessly unfolding ... if we put aside the fight with what is and just ... notice.

Personally, by letting go of my self-berating and story-telling, I have opened my heart and mind instead to ... what is present, what do I know to be true, where is the gift, where is the compassion ... and guess what showed up ... LOVE.

And what is LOVE? .... Love is almost always defined through our parents, how they interacted with one another and with us.  The imprint of these interactions are often unconscious, yet they are ever present in our day to day lives.  So we play out these same patterns all our lives.

 ... but what if we become aware of what is running our unconscious that is resisting to what is and resulting in suffering ... 

Simply ask yourself ... Are you generous, open and compassionate to yourself? Are you unavailable, thinking only of yourself and withholding love unless it is proven worthy or your expectations have been met?

Allowing things to just unfold requires you to have faith ... real FAITH ... in the uncertainty ... dropping judgement, dropping expectations.  Nothing is how we perceive it, nor is it possible for our perceptions to be accurate, because our past experiences and our judgements are always influencing what we perceive.  Therefore, if you can release the ideas you have created around yourself and others, you can be free of the drama within your life.

Love is evolving and unfolding all around us ... it naturally feeds our soul and evolves our consciousness.  By focusing on the GIVING of LOVE and not on the receiving of necessary needs and controlling expectations, we can BE.  And when we can BE and let life unfold, we give unconditionally of our heart and let love flow freely …

www.walkstrong.ca

" Space … "

I'll give you space ...
Space in your phone where it said my name
Where I took my picture out your frame
And I won't be around when you figure out
You got exactly what you asked for, space

Space in your mind when you think of me
'Cause I'm about to be a memory
Now you've got your space ...

~ Pussycat Dolls ~ Space ~

***

Ever thought about giving yourself some space?  Space from a situation, a relationship, a job?  Probably not as many think that not having activity going on around them is uncomfortable.  They don’t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do.

confession ... in the past, if I had some free time, 
I didn’t know what to do with myself ...

So why the discomfort with empty pockets of time and space?  Because some feel free time is lonely time.  They can’t deal with their own company, and have feelings of nothing worthy of living.  Yes ... the root is self-worth.

Self-worth ... when you begin to truly love yourself, you learn that space is an amazing buffer against feeling stressed or overwhelmed.  It provides exactly what it implies ... room for exploration, growth, contemplation and rejuvenation ... the more quiet time alone, the more you get use to it.

Plus you begin to appreciate taking moments to just be, sit quietly and focus on your breathing.  You get to decide what works for you and drown out all the voices, opinions, expectations, responsibilities that go along with it.  This allows you to decompress and communicate with the most important relationship you’ll ever have ... with you.

Initially, it can take some getting use to, sitting by yourself or even with a loved one without having to say a word and appreciating it.  Your need to keep busy falls away.  And your soul scoops up the nourishment.  Your need to randomly fill up what seems like a void in your life will disappear and you will stop dodging yourself.  Because the busier you are, the less you have to pay attention to yourself, and you matter at this very moment.  Eventually, you will crave the space of timelessness & peacefulness as it is the best gift for your soul.

" Challenging Me … "

This fortune brought to you,

Is it worth the pain, the suffering?

Would you rather work sparingly without the stress

or is there such a thing?

Pray hard sing out loud!

I wonder if you'll bother me

I'm twisting back and forth

My eyes are burning stronger now ...

Challenging me...Should I give up everything?

should I give up everything?

~ Chris Park ~ Challenging Me ~ 

***

That moment when you have that sinking feeling ... it’s happening again ... but when challenges occur, we have a choice to rise up and reveal the resilience within us.

During crisis, we often admire others that seem to act with ease and do or say the right things.  Because it is not only the hardship that they have endured, but the way they have chosen to manage their feelings and emotions about it.  And more importantly, their view of themselves has little, if any, ring of victim hood in it.

The greatest of accomplishments often have come with 

a heavy dose of resilience ... 

Our history is the best indicator of how well we can fare with resilience.  Yet when we reflect on the past, we tend to focus on the negatives and rarely look for the opportunities to grow.  NOW is the chance to seek the lesson in each moment.

Learning isn’t just about repeating failures, with only the pain as the byproduct ... it is about choosing response versus reaction to bring the desired results ...

When we accept the situation as is, and the lesson at its core, we begin to find the wisdom in it.  When we ask who, what, when and how, we take the next steps for healing because we move out of resistance, which blinds vision.

I believe we are deeply interconnected.  Hence by surrendering to what is, we realize we are helping heal the collective through our own growth.

Trust your life situation, at a soul level, to be purposeful ... the sad, the bad, the scary and even the ugly are all hidden with joy, happiness, surprises and miracles.

“Challenges are what make life interesting 

and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” 

☯ Joshua J. Marine ☯