" A Matter Of Trust … "

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust ...

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust

~ Billy Joel ~ A Matter Of Trust ~ 

***

Suffering a betrayal of trust can be one of the most difficult times in your life ... and depending on the severity, some never recover.  Yet as we know ... life goes on, with or with out your participation.  And most of us recover ... sadly a bit more wounded, thankfully a bit more wiser.

As we move forward we decide if we are willing to give those that violate our trust another chance.  And regardless if they remain in our lives, it starts with forgiveness, because this is what leads to healing and restoration.

I remind myself that when I choose to rebuild a relationship, I choose to forgive what was and therefore make room for new memories ...

Trust is such a challenging thing to gain and once you lost it, some say it is impossible to regain.  Probably because wounds we gain from being hurt by those we love and admire run deep ... and not easy to get over ... but nothing is “impossible”.

So how do you rebuild trust?  You accept that you cannot change or fix the other person.  You take responsibility and apologize for your role in the situation.  You make an effort to not break future promises.  You become an active listener.  You put yourself in their shoes, empathize.

And when you have made a commitment to work on a fragile relationship the worst thing you can do is bring up past events.  If you say you have forgiven, it is unfair to bring up past mistakes.  Leave the past where it is, the past.

And be patient.  Allow the other person time ... time to understand, time to choose, time to reconcile, because regaining trust is a healing process and if the relationship is worth it, this too shall come.

" Wounded ... "

... It's like walking with the wounded 

Carrying that weight way too far 

The concrete pulled you down so hard 

Out there with the wounded ... 

You tell 'em, that's just my battle scar ...

And knock 'em down like we used to 

You're the marigold ...

Well nobody took your pride away ...

You say you don't know 

You say you can't grow 

All I know is we're missing you 

Show up, show up wounded 

Show up, show up wounded

~ Third Eye Blind ~ Wounded ~

***

We all have had experiences that create a sense of pain or discomfort ... welcome to Life.  In truth, we are all wounded ... emotionally, physically and spiritually ... and these wounds are what allow us to evolve into our true self.

As we continue on this amazing journey of Life, we interact with people that act as angels or lessons.  And we develop “battle scars” along the way.  But we also get to choose if we are going to be wounded wounders or wounded healers ... either we use our wounds to wound others or take the energy, lessons and compassion gained from being wounded and help others heal.

“May we all become more loving, less fearful; more forgiving, less vengeful, more compassionate, less judgmental, 

more healing, less wounding ...”

Shifting from fear to love, we choose from hurting to healing.  We realize our connection and oneness ... and therefore when we would hurt others we would hurt ourselves and we cannot heal another without experiencing healing ourselves.  Moving into a more loving, more patient, and more gentle space in our life.

The path of the wounded healer is not an easy one, yet one with the greatest of rewards ... providing the ultimate service by helping another soul through their unique experiences ... giving the ultimate gift by sharing their time and knowledge to someone in need.  

" How To Deal ... "

How do you cope when ...
And there's nothing you can do about it
How do you deal with
The fact that you had a chance ...
Though it's heartbreakin'
Its something that i had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do i live
How do i deal ...

~ Frankie J ~ How To Deal ~

***

Even the strongest person has their weakest moments.  The question is not what the issue is, but how to deal with it.  I have had conversations were I complimented on my courage while facing such an “enormous challenge”, and my ability to cope.  

The thing is I don’t choose to just cope, I choose to live. 

Somehow, someway I believe in our darkest hour, we make a choice ... to give up or to thrive.  I believe small steps, taken over time add up ... they transform us.  I believe that by learning to trust life deeply rather than just coping is where healing occurs.

Yes it is difficult but a true test of your faith is when you are embrace the uncertainty.  When you surrender to the process that Life is not as it should be, rather Life is as it is.  At times, a liberating thought, at other times, a terrifying one.  Yet miracles happen when we open ourselves up to the possibilities.

Occasionally there are times we need to pause ... and step away from the hustle and bustle of life.  This pause allows us to rest, heal, reflect and renew our spirit.  This pause allows us to emerged refreshed and ready.  This pause is very necessary.

And we all have challenges that we are dealing with ... some seem trivial and others seem life-threatening ... because every aspect of our life changes constantly ... beliefs, health, relationships, careers.  So you make the most of every situation and you learn to “deal” with what life has thrown at you.  

“Dear Universe ... what’s next? ... I am available ...”

So when everything seems to have fallen apart, but you are still breathing, remember you have options to assert exactly what you want for yourself ... 

• You have the option to create a life you’ll feel passionate about.  
• You have the option to focus on what’s going right instead of what life lacks.  
• You have the option to take action in the present moment, the most powerful one available to you.  
• You have the option to embrace fear, be bold, and be brave.  
• You have the option to just - be - grateful.

And although it may make perfect sense, when chaos happens it is hard to practice.  Yet, I realize that I might stumble but I know that I’ll be okay as long as I remember that I already have all that I need.  I know that focusing on lack is not an option anymore and as all the wonders in my life allow me to move forward and trust.  I must trust the process as I know that my present experience continues to enrich my life in ways that I never could imagine.

“We don’t have to live in the shadow of what could have been 

if we shine a light on what’s working to allow it to grow ... “