" Seeing things ... "

A hundred years will never ease

Hearing things I won't believe

I saw it with my own two eyes ...

I used to dream

Of better days that never came

Sorry ain't nothin' to me ...

So please I've done my time ...

'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time

I"m seeing things for the first time

Oh I'm seeing things for the first time

Yeah, seeing things for the first time

In my life, in my life ...

Black Crowes ~ Seeing Things ~

***

doctor: “well, this is a perfect check-up ... I don’t say it often but your eyesight has actually gotten better”

me: “oh wow, that’s great! ... do you think it might be all the carrots I juice?”

doctor: “no, no ... that would only help with your eye health, but not with vision”

me: “ oh okay ... well I guess it can’t hurt right?”

doctor: “sure all those vegetables are probably a good thing”

***

Yes, this is actually a real conversation.  One I had last week with my eye doctor during my annual check-up.  Mixed emotions as I was relieved to hear that all was good, yet disappointed that he didn’t feel my current lifestyle & diet had anything to do with it.  Just once, wouldn’t it be nice to have a believer ... open to the possibility that maybe just maybe it could play a part good health?

Now that is not to say that I haven’t met wonderful, supportive health practitioners on my current health journey ... I just remember growing up and hearing “eat your carrots, they are good for your eyes”.  So you’d think juicing 50lbs a week “can’t hurt”?

Let’s see, perhaps a recap of the benefits carrots and juicing them ...

• juicing carrots allows you to take in more vegetables at one time than you would by eating raw or cooked vegetables
• carrots have two obvious nutrients vitamin A and beta carotene
• beta-carotene is also a major antioxidant
• vitamin A and beta-carotene help maintain vision along with the carrots' fair share of lutein 
• beta-carotene also maintains epithelial tissue, the tissue surrounding internal organs ... (epithelial tissues are susceptible to cancerous growths)
• carrots are also rich in poly-acetylene anti-oxidant falcarinol
• research at the University of Newcastle has shown carrot falcarinol destroys pre-cancerous cells in tumors
• carrots do help keep cancer away
• carrots are also rich in B vitamins and folate
• folate is the natural and safe provider of folic acid
• carrots help restore the liver - our body’s master cleanser
• carrot juice has been called the "golden juice of healing"

***

Again ...

doctor: “no, no ... that would only help with your eye health, but not with vision”

me: “ oh okay ... well I guess it can’t hurt right?”

***

Thankfully, over the weekend I shared this story at a neighbours gathering with a friend who is a dietitian.  She seemed about as confused as I did.  She understands the benefits of good nutrition.  I appreciated her openness to this and my health journey.  Not many are and that is okay.  I have learned to pick and choose who to share with ... no need to open yourself up to negativity and fear as I take care of that on my own during my dark times.  And who knows, maybe it was a fluke check-up ... but I heard of another lady, upon successfully completing Gerson, with improved vision.

Nonetheless, it was nice to hear the word “perfect”, as I realized how many conversations are played over and over again in my mind, and how they affect me subconsciously.  What perfection is doesn’t really matter ... just knowing that this path is heading in a positive direction is the key.  

" Creepin' In ... "

"There's a big ol' hole
goes right through the sole
Of this old shoe
And the water on the ground
Ain't got no place else its found
So it's only got one thing left to do

Just Creep on in
Creep on in
An' once it has begun
Won't stop until it's done
Sneaking in"

~ Norah Jones ~ Creepin' in ~

***

Just when you think you got it all figured out ... it creeps in ... FEAR.  Once again, I thought I had this bad boy under control ... and bingo bango, it hits you in the face.  So what triggered it this time?  Well it could have been the "personal" visit from the rehabilitation specialist representing the insurance company.  Yeah, you read that right, they wanted to "put a face to a name".  Read between the lines ... they wanted to make sure I am doing what I say I am doing.  Not checking in but checking up.  Am I paranoid, nah, am I a realist, you better believe it.  

In preparing for the visit, Russell suggested show them my enema "apparatus" ... don't worry that didn't happen!  But I offered to show her the 50 lbs of carrots, the Gerson approved juicer, the medications cupboard, shower filters, and the list goes on ... nope, not interested ... They just want to know when you can go back to work.  Cancer Scmancer.  Not that I am surprised ... but oddly that is not what triggered the fear.  

So what did then, what triggered my FEAR ... let's see ... well it could have been the vacant look when I started explaining the therapy, no wait maybe it was the pity in their eyes thinking that you are fooling yourself by "healing your body" wholistically, or was it the feeling of being scolded and told that "you know this is a serious dis-ease which require serious measures like mastectomies", hmmm or maybe it was the questioning on if I regret the treatment choice because it is SO labour intensive .... WOW, thanks for all that, now I REALLY know what I am up for. Forget that you don't really want to know that I am on week 38 working this 12/hour a day programme, 7 days a week, with no financial support, with Russell by my side every moment managing my feelings, emotions, physical pains, aches and just trying to keep an optimistic view on a dis-ease that has become the number one killer, surpassing heart dis-ease ... 

Le sigh ... just breath and this too shall pass.

... And it did, and I am better as I write this, releasing the fear, pain and sadness that comes on this journey. I was disappointed in myself, angry actually after all of this ... asking myself how could I let this get to me ... telling myself, you were doing so well ... but realizing that hey, guess what, you are human and it is OKAY because this is one more check stop, questioning my path ... but I know that no matter whatever comes our way, Russell and I will handle it, we always do ... and besides what's the worst thing that can happen?  Oh right, it already has ... cancer.  

Funny, as I was about to wrap up this blog there was a knock on the door ... UPS delivery, the book I had on order "The Biology of Belief ~ Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles" by Bruce Lipton.  A sign perhaps, or just very good timing ... either way, I'll take it.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways" 
~ John Wayne

"Work It ..."

"Is it worth it, let me work it...
I put my bang down, flip it and reverse it...
If you got a big deal, let me search it...
I'd like to get to know ya so I could show ya...

Just make sure you ahead of the game..."

~ Missy Elliott ~ Work It ~

***

Yesterday I looked at the calendar and the weeks I have been on the Gerson Therapy ~ finishing off week 29 yesterday and starting WEEK 30 today.  Yep, completed 29 weeks ~204 days ~ 4,896 hours ~ 293,760 minutes ... and counting!  Since the inception of the programme there has been a few changes in regards to the reduction of medication and coffee "treatments", and the addition of certain foods again.  But really the changes have been physical ~ my energy levels are better, my skin tone is better (carrot glow y'all), and my body has changed.  There has been a significant shift in the last couple of weeks.  It is hard to describe but I what I can say is that I feel like I am truly healing.  One of the naturopath's I have been seeing said to me last week that "Once you start living your life instead of preventing your death, healing begins".  And it struck a cord, an aha! moment ... now I think I have already adopted that attitude, and have had to in a way due to the severity of the situation, but it is interesting when someone else says it to you in a way that just makes sense.  Hopefully it does for those of you that are reading this.  

Every day I work my programme.  I don't know how else to explain it - not much changes in the routine ... I am still on 13 fresh juices on the hour, every hour ... I am still on 4 coffee enemas ... I am still have oatmeal with fruit for breakfast ... I am still eating the special Hippocrates soup, baked potatoes and veggies for lunch AND dinner ... I am still on castor oil twice a week ... I am still on the Gerson medications combined with herbal and homeopath meds.  My days still begin at 6:30AM and end at 8:30PM ... I do have time between 9:30am and Noon & 2:30pm and 5:00pm for phone/personal visits, yoga, walks, meditation, blogging, and writing ~ staying pretty close to home though.  My day continues to be very structured, and I really don't mind the routine because I know what is coming and so does my body.  This is the biggest job in my life, my pivotal moment ... to heal my body.  

If you think about it we plan a great deal in our lives .... school, vacations, celebrations, investments ... yet if we don't really plan how to truly take care of ourselves ~ our bodies, our minds ~ the rest may never come.  This is not to be pessimistic, but merrily going along, going thru the motions, thinking that we will never get sick, nothing bad will happen and it won't be me, is probably not the best approach.  That is the approach I had.  I NEVER thought I would be in the situation I am in now, battling cancer.  Yet as I have said before, this is truly a blessing in my life.  Really because, I was so detailed oriented, so focused on the small stuff, and missing out on the big picture.  That has completely changed now.  And maybe this is all happening because I had to stop "sweating the small stuff".  My mind was cluttered with detail conversations about "stuff" ~ what she did, why he did that, what did that really mean ... and internally feeling like it was "all happening to me" because I just wasn't good enough.  A very familiar pattern of thinking in my life ... a pattern that has now thankfully ended.  Ended because over the last 29 weeks I have worked really hard to understand and make those changes.  

When we create harmony in our own minds and hearts, we find it in our lives.  And sometimes it takes the earth to move, or the rug to be pulled beneath us, or the universe to make us just stop for this to happen.  The signs are always there, but when your head is buried in the details, you miss it.  So if you can, take a moment to just be present, and open yourself up to these signs.  You will know what they are ... if things don't feel right, don't ignore it, act on it now.  Don't wait for a painful defining moment in your life to force you to make those changes.  Trust me, I know. 

 ♥ Heal your past, Live your present, Dream your future ♥