" Knowing ... "

Preachers at the church knowing, we still get by ...

Well here's a formal introduction

Something to make you ponder

Well everybody play dumb, but there's some that succumb

And fall victim, I will overcome any hurdle or obstacle that's in my path ...

Your stomach is balled in a knot, you got that phat purse ...

Destroyed by the need to indulge and enjoy the finer things in life right? ...

Even though things started falling apart ...

Every action has a positive and equal reaction

Therefore everything that goes around comes around in that fashion

You thought you was slick the way you hit me for that lick

But you slipped now I'm getting in your ...

~ Outkast ~ Knowing ~

***

I know that lately my blogs have had perhaps not a happy-go-lucky tone.  I apologize as my intentions are never to be a drag ... my blog is an outlet, a place were I choose to be vulnerable and truly express what is going on inside.  And I came to a big realization tonight.  I have been looking for a guarantee if you will.  I want reassurance and confirmation.  And the reality is that what I am looking for, I will never find.  

As Russell and I eat our dinner on our front porch tonight, I acknowledged how truly grateful I was for the moment.  He is my sounding board and always provides space for me to express myself.  Tonight I shared with him how I am struggling with the fear of the unknown ... how I need to shift into curiosity instead because I know it is a far more enjoyable place to be ... flashback to the other night ... Mary Poppins singing Anything is Possible ...

Probably the most interesting part that i want to share here right now is after a great deal of pondering, I can now conclude that there is no way we can predict our future only by looking our condition that we're in at the moment.  Sorry, perhaps not too insightful for those that already get it ... for the rest of us, it just takes a wee bit of time, you know, another aha! moment.

There is no guarantee in life.  All we can do and need to do is just “do the best in what we are in right now”.  We are on a journey of life, an unstable moment where everything is on the process to be shaped.  Things can and do change instantly ... 

And for those that know me, know that my faith has become so strong.  Maybe this is what happens when you diagnosed with cancer, you feel the need to be closer to God.  Whatever your spirituality, I recommend you look to Him to guide you to exactly what you need right now ...  and work to believe that He will.  

I ask Him to give me a vision to keep hope alive.  I know He has my back.  

People say life is short ... I say it is unpredictable and a risk.  As soon as we are born, we are at risk for well pretty much everything.  So instead of fearing as to what is going to happen next, I am really trying to just enjoy it.  Because no matter how much you think you are prepared for the future ... you never truly are.  You don’t know what curve ball is coming .. but here is the thing, they are ALWAYS coming, because that is what life is all about.

" Not This Time ... "

I don't know why I give in, but I do every time.

And here I am wondering why I did it again.

To keep me going,

To keep the shit away.

I don't know what it is,

But every time you're near, I fear you,

But not this time...

~ Kate Bush ~ Not This Time ~

***

There are times when we take on too many commitments and simply spread ourselves too thin.  Creating stress as we are unable to get anything done, at least not well or on time.  There comes a time when you just have to say no ... not this time.  

The Gentle Art of Saying No ~ an art that many people have problems with.

So what’s so hard about saying no?  Well, first it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person it is directed to.  And it’s is not usually a fun thing to do.  Second, if you hope to continue to have a good relationship with that person, saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.  Third, we all have an unconscious agenda to be safe and to be liked.  

You see, saying “no” is scary.  We are taking a risk that the person on the receiving end might not like us, consider us selfish and disagreeable.  But think back to a time when you had to say no ... soon after you expressed yourself, your fear probably turned to relief and empowerment.  And chances are the person at the other end respects you more for being honest ... with the both of you.  People suspect insincerity.

So you can start by deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on.  This decision stems from your priorities - what is important to you and your life.  

Life is too short to do things you don't really want to do ... follow your dreams and instead of wishing, hoping, or pleading for them to come true try being intentional, purposeful, and grateful ... create your life by designing your days.