" Open ... "

“ ... Times have changed in just a few months

Why can't things be the same

And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious

When it's really open.

And maybe this time

When it's really open.

Spitting fire back and forth now

Times have changed in just a few months ... “

~ Demi Levato ~ Open ~ 

***

How do you live when you know you are dying?  A heavy question to begin with but one that every being has faced head on when with dis-ease.  

Yes, we all live with the fact of impermanence, whether or not we have a life-threatening dis-ease.  It is when we are ill, we begin to have more clarity on how unpredictable life truly is ... and the inevitability that each of us will die in some way, at some time.

Experience with cancer has actually given me the gift of a mindfulness practice.  Within this practice, I see impermanence more clearly and am developing a wiser relationship with it in daily life.  And working on having the ability to face whatever the conditions may be, with intelligence and kindness towards self.  

This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal awareness around the fragility of the body and yet the accessibility towards freedom of mind.  This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal the lack of desire to control the uncontrollable.  This mindfulness practice has begun with acceptance of what is.

I use to struggle with the concept of accepting impermanence along with wanting to live as long as I could.  Now I see cancer as an encounter with impermanence every day because I see the difference between expectations and openness.

Openness is our natural state of mind, allowing positive qualities to be experienced and expressed.  When facing cancer, openness can be obscured by fears and hopes, and expectations must be met.  Openness creates another option, to whatever arises, regardless of the outcome.  

Death is not personal.  We all get a chance at it ... some day in some way.  Hence, an approach of openness can be a source of limitless potential when challenged.  Here we recognize our fears and begin to lessen its grip in the present moment.  Allowing for good medicine for the living and dying ... 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Quiet ... "

I am heading for a time of quiet

When my restlessness is past

And I can lie down on my blanket

And release my fists at last

I am heading for a time of solitude

Of peace without illusions

When the perfect circle

Marries all beginnings and conclusions

~ Paul Simon ~ Quiet ~ 

***

Why is it so hard to find peace and joy, continuously oveflow with bliss on a daily basis and seem free of problems and emotional pain?  Maybe because we mentally punish ourselves for failing, concluding that we don’t deserve it.  We can become easily distracted by the harsh demands of modern life and at times losing touch with our natural state of being.  But we do deserve it and there is a way if we choose to bring clarity in our lives, starting by quieting our minds.

You see, most of our problems stem from our mind.  Take note ... some external even happens, we choose to see only one side of the story, and then interpret the situation such that it cuases some form of mental conflict, resulting in emotional suffering.  Is that about right?  The advice telling us to just “forget about it” is not that simple.  After years and years of conditioning on how to attract conflict in our lives, to just “stop thinking about it” is not very effective.  We need to get to the root of the problem to truly solve it.  We need to go to our innner space and de-clutter.  Imagine if you will, like cleaning out an old closet of “stuff”, similar analogy.

And, our mind has a difficult time becoming still ... it is meant to be dynamic, move and participate.  Therefore practicing stillness, or meditation, where you focus on one thing can be tougher than one realizes.  You will probably notice that the moment you become silent, random and unrelated thoughts start to distract you from your inner silence.  You become cluttered with useless information also known as junk.  And where does this “junk” come from .... well we may be unconsciously feeding our selves with distractions we’ve declared as urgent and important .. watching TV, updating social media, checking email, gossip ... all pulling at us, at our attention and away from things that are truly important to us.  Recognize that the information we expose ourselves to fills our inner space on some level, and affects our emotions and desires.

Our ultimate desire is to get back to our inner selves, one which is sacred, wise, peaceful and eternal.  We can do this by waking up and taking control of our destiny ... start with what you focus on and allow into your life.  Observe your thoughts and words.  Limit your exposure to the “urgent and important” distractions.  You have the power to decide what you let into your inner space.  Be conscious of what you allow inside, beginning with your own words, thoughts and attention and become the guardian of your own mind.  

"Exposure ..."

"Exposure
Space is what I need

it's what I feed on
Exposure
Out in the open..."

~ Peter Gabriel ~ Exposure ~

***

I guess it is safe to say that when you blog about your life, you open yourself up to being overexposed.  I started this blog a long time prior to my cancer diagnosis when I started up a walking club called WalkStrong.  And walking strong we were.  As life evolves, and shit happens, it has now become my soapbox, so that I can express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life.  

In one of my last posts, "Point of View", I wrote about my recent test results after being on the Gerson therapy for almost 6 months.  I remember when I blogged, I thought to myself, "am I providing a bit too much information?", "are there too many details I am sharing?", and "should I really post this?".  And you know what they say, go with your gut ... what you intuition is saying to you ... your inner voice.    

You see, I have had many people write me emails and tell me in person that I have inspired them, that they are proud of me as to how I am handling the biggest challenge of my life, and thanking me for being so real, so vulnerable and speaking my truth.  And for this, I want to give oceans of gratitude back to you.  You really have no idea how those words, written or verbal, have got me thru this year.  Yet recently, after I wrote the details of my last round of test results, the feedback I got has fed my greatest fears.  I "expected" a wee bit of a celebration, more "yahoo", more "way to go M".  And, I guess as I wrote in my previous blog, it is all about point of views, opinions, perspective and really everyone is entitled to their own.  I can read into words, or what tones their voices take, or see into their eyes and try to "read" what they feel, but really it doesn't help anyone, especially not me.  And to be completely honest, I thought I was strong enough to handle all of "this" too, but I'm not.  

So I will continue to merrily blog as usual ~ express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life ~ but will keep the "details" of test results and sorts out.  But I am very open to anyone that is considering the Gerson therapy and needs some information.  Just contact me directly.  
Oh and no worries, I'll still be aiming to write a kick-ass blog, just wiser!  

Again I want thank EVERYONE for their continuous love and apologize if I have overexposed myself during this difficult time.  I hope it has not caused any discomfort to anyone as I always come from a place of compassion.