"Exposure ..."

"Exposure
Space is what I need

it's what I feed on
Exposure
Out in the open..."

~ Peter Gabriel ~ Exposure ~

***

I guess it is safe to say that when you blog about your life, you open yourself up to being overexposed.  I started this blog a long time prior to my cancer diagnosis when I started up a walking club called WalkStrong.  And walking strong we were.  As life evolves, and shit happens, it has now become my soapbox, so that I can express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life.  

In one of my last posts, "Point of View", I wrote about my recent test results after being on the Gerson therapy for almost 6 months.  I remember when I blogged, I thought to myself, "am I providing a bit too much information?", "are there too many details I am sharing?", and "should I really post this?".  And you know what they say, go with your gut ... what you intuition is saying to you ... your inner voice.    

You see, I have had many people write me emails and tell me in person that I have inspired them, that they are proud of me as to how I am handling the biggest challenge of my life, and thanking me for being so real, so vulnerable and speaking my truth.  And for this, I want to give oceans of gratitude back to you.  You really have no idea how those words, written or verbal, have got me thru this year.  Yet recently, after I wrote the details of my last round of test results, the feedback I got has fed my greatest fears.  I "expected" a wee bit of a celebration, more "yahoo", more "way to go M".  And, I guess as I wrote in my previous blog, it is all about point of views, opinions, perspective and really everyone is entitled to their own.  I can read into words, or what tones their voices take, or see into their eyes and try to "read" what they feel, but really it doesn't help anyone, especially not me.  And to be completely honest, I thought I was strong enough to handle all of "this" too, but I'm not.  

So I will continue to merrily blog as usual ~ express, rant, rave, advice, ponder, and share all that is going on in my life ~ but will keep the "details" of test results and sorts out.  But I am very open to anyone that is considering the Gerson therapy and needs some information.  Just contact me directly.  
Oh and no worries, I'll still be aiming to write a kick-ass blog, just wiser!  

Again I want thank EVERYONE for their continuous love and apologize if I have overexposed myself during this difficult time.  I hope it has not caused any discomfort to anyone as I always come from a place of compassion.

"Point of View ..."

"It's a different point of view to you
You cannot see things that are different to me
And I can't understand why you cannot see
The things that I cannot see"
~ Blink 182 ~ Point of View ~
***


I really don't know where to start on this post ... it has been quite an interesting week so far.  And ahhhh yes I did go and get my ultrasound and blood/urine work done and ahhhh yes I did get the results.
So whats the verdict?  Well here is the scoop ....

So, just finishing up week 26 of the Gerson therapy, narrowing on I guess 6 months, there was some emphasis by my family doctors and other loved ones to get an ultrasound done ... to "really" see if the therapy is working ... Externally, I have been feeling really good, outside of nasty emotional days where I cry uncontrollably, and some pain and aches in the region of the cancer.  So early Monday morning before brekkie and my first coffee enema, I was in to see the Labs.  As per usual, my veins are small and hide so they prick the arms a few times, but I was still outta there and home within 30 minutes.  Then came the ultrasound a couple of hours later.  Oh and yes, side note, I did have a mini-meltdown on Sunday, anticipating the worst and having the fight or flight syndrome kicking in big time!  Like usual, Russell was so supportive and let me go through the motions, letting me know whatever we face, we face together and also letting me know that he was pret-ty sure that I wasn't going to expire on the ultrasound table so all should be okay.

So back to the ultrasound ... if any of you have been thru any sort of ultrasound, you are lying there will gel all over your breasts with this gadget that is run over them by technician.  This time, the technician was very inquisitive as to my history AND what treatment I was currently going thru.  She asked me three times, "so you didn't have surgery?"  ... with a squished up expression ... and I politely told her nope, nope, and nada.  Then she went thru the checklist of the risk factors and if I had any ... ie. family history, etc ... and nope, nope, and nada ... nothing to check off.

So finally the examination, she checked the right side - good news, all is clear and nothing to worry about (whew!).  She checked the lymph nodes on both sides - good news, all is clear and nothing to worry about (whew!) ... then she asked me to show her where the lump was and she started to exam the area.  And she kept going over and over the area.  Then she said "this is one of the hardest examinations I have done, I cannot tell where the boundaries/borders are to the lump so I am not sure if these measurements are even accurate".  I asked her to explain what she meant and then she started to show me the screen.  Now you have to understand, in ALL the ultrasounds I have had, never does the technician talk to me let alone show me what they see.  They do their job and then they leave the room.  Done.  But this time, my techie was eager to show me what dilemma she was having.  She left the room twice, once to check on the previous ultrasound (pre therapy back in Feb 2011) and another time to talk to the radiologist.  And then she said ... "you know, I am going to tell the doctor that my measurement are inaccurate, this was a difficult examination to do, and if I were you, I wouldn't put a lot of trust in these measurements because every tech is different and has a different point of view".  So there I am, lying there with all that gel on me wondering ... what is the point of all this then?  Are major decisions not BASED on these measurements?  Was not my treatment plan in February ~ partial mastectomy/double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation BASED on these measurements?  Are you kidding me?? ...

So today in the radiologist final report, he indicated that it was very difficult to provide measurements as due to undefined  boundaries, but he "suspects" that there is a very, slight increase in the one mass that was defined previously.  And right then and there we knew that the Gerson Therapy is working ... how can it not?  How can I go from two measurable discrete, defined masses and multiple lesions 7 months ago to one undefined difficult masses and some lesions hard to measure?  The Gerson doctors warned me that it was too early for an ultrasound.  They said that things could get better before they get worse.  They said that we are agitating the tumor, so wait for the therapy to kick in.  My family doctor was not concerned with this report, nor were we ... because under the above circumstances, you take it for what it is.  


The GOOD NEWS is my complete blood chemistry and urine analysis look great, the cancer continues to be localized, AND in the Gerson world, the inflammation in the region is an indication that the immune system has kicked in and fighting the tumour and lesions, the undefined boundaries indicate that the tumour is breaking down, and the tumour itself is softening up.

So today we thank everyone for the oceans of love, support and prayers we have received.  And we recognize all the baby steps to get to this moment ... getting thru a long, difficult, challenging and at times unbearable therapy.  We continue believing and knowing that my body is showing signs of healing AND we continue to set intentions that the very near future will bring a healthy, balanced and cancer free body.  Just wait and see!!!