" Alone ... "

“ … And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won't end though

Alone

But the secret is still my own

Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

Alone, alone … “

~ Heart ~ Alone ~ 

***

The origin of the word ALONE comes from the Middle East in around the 1300s, from al all + one one. The word itself can be viewed as all one rather than the sad reference it has today.

Being alone doesn’t mean you are anti-social or unwanted ... some sorry state that is colorless unless reinforced by others … implying the sadness, isolation and longing for companionship. Rather, being alone begins with embracing solitude.  

We recognize the benefits and joys within fulfilling relationships with other people, yet on your own, you begin to grow as a person.  You get a chance to recharge and you get a chance to reflect more.  As we spend time by ourselves, we don’t have to bother with processing the thoughts and feelings of others.  It is a time when we focus inwards.  

… solitude provides the perfect environment for reflection … 

And as we focus inwards, we have a chance to get in touch with our own emotions to gain a greater perspective. Plus create a deeper understanding of what makes us happy and what we really want.  

With this awareness of what you want, you may start doing thing you actually enjoy as well as become more productive with less distractions.  You may even have a sense of independence, confidence in your ability to actually be alone.  The anxiety or burning desire for others begins to fade … and you get some distance from constantly trying to keep other people happy … simply, that constant interaction is not required.  

When we consider the most important relationship is with one self, we must be happy to give happiness to others.  Otherwise we are depleted, drained and have nothing really valuable to offer.  This internal new found happiness has always been within us.  Alone time or solitude allows us gain access to it and to not be concerned with validation or approval. So as we begin a journey of self discovery, we learn to be okay as we are, on our own or if we prefer with others.  That interaction becomes a choice not an obligation or burden, where we can reveal who we really are.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Open ... "

“ ... Times have changed in just a few months

Why can't things be the same

And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious

When it's really open.

And maybe this time

When it's really open.

Spitting fire back and forth now

Times have changed in just a few months ... “

~ Demi Levato ~ Open ~ 

***

How do you live when you know you are dying?  A heavy question to begin with but one that every being has faced head on when with dis-ease.  

Yes, we all live with the fact of impermanence, whether or not we have a life-threatening dis-ease.  It is when we are ill, we begin to have more clarity on how unpredictable life truly is ... and the inevitability that each of us will die in some way, at some time.

Experience with cancer has actually given me the gift of a mindfulness practice.  Within this practice, I see impermanence more clearly and am developing a wiser relationship with it in daily life.  And working on having the ability to face whatever the conditions may be, with intelligence and kindness towards self.  

This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal awareness around the fragility of the body and yet the accessibility towards freedom of mind.  This mindfulness practice has begun to reveal the lack of desire to control the uncontrollable.  This mindfulness practice has begun with acceptance of what is.

I use to struggle with the concept of accepting impermanence along with wanting to live as long as I could.  Now I see cancer as an encounter with impermanence every day because I see the difference between expectations and openness.

Openness is our natural state of mind, allowing positive qualities to be experienced and expressed.  When facing cancer, openness can be obscured by fears and hopes, and expectations must be met.  Openness creates another option, to whatever arises, regardless of the outcome.  

Death is not personal.  We all get a chance at it ... some day in some way.  Hence, an approach of openness can be a source of limitless potential when challenged.  Here we recognize our fears and begin to lessen its grip in the present moment.  Allowing for good medicine for the living and dying ... 

www.walkstrong.ca

" Cigarettes And Valentines ... "

“ Let us paralyze this moment till it dies

To the end of the earth

Under the valley of the stars ... 

Deep inside my heart

Take a ride through the avenue

Across the great divide ... 

I'm alive, it cries

Red alert is the color

Of your paper valentine ... 

In this, do you wanna be my valentine? “

~ Green Day ~ Cigarettes And Valentines ~ 

***

A time to show appreciation for that special someone in your life.  A time to take a relationship to the next level.  A time to celebrate love.  But why do we require an assigned date full of expectations?

Do we set ourselves up to be disappointed?  Do we sabotage our relationship?  Personally, I feel that Valentines Day can harm your relationships.  Mainly because there is something stirring around this much-anticipated romantic holiday.

When loved ones don’t live up to the lofty cultural ideas associated with this holiday alternatives might start to look a bit more interesting.  Relationship that are struggling may completely break under the pressure of Being Mine.  And in some causes, this holiday may just emphasize just how much effort your partner is willing to put in ... or does it?

If you are blessed to have a rock solid partner, no holiday let alone Valentines Day can be do harm.  Because you don’t require Hallmark or anyone else to decide when, how and why you express your love.  It is within you, it is a part of you and it is who you are.  Having a designated day can be an opportunity then to do something for someone but it doesn’t have to be the only day.

We are most alive when we're in love - John Updike

Valentines Day is a beautiful day to express your love ... but why only one day?  What holds us back from doing something nice for those we love on February 13th or on Sunday?  If you knew that you only had a limited time with those you love, wouldn’t you tell them every chance you got?  Does that make you vulnerable or does that make you wise?  And are we afraid our love would be reciprocated and therefore we shy away on the basis of rejection?  

We are pure energetic love

We are connected to One and we are complete

Sadness is having the love within you die within you

Express yourself ... Love Only No Regrets

www.walkstrong.ca

" The Difference ... "

“ … The only difference

That I see

Is you are exactly the same

As you used to be

… With bow and arrow

And the artificial heart … 

Made of dishonour

He loaded the cannon 

With a jealous appetite … 

You always said that you needed some

But you always had more, more than anyone … “

~ The Wildflowers ~ The Difference ~

***

A great deal of information is available regarding meditation and mindfulness.  Yet do most truly understand the relationship between the two?

Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment on purpose and non-judgemental.    Meditation is an application of mindfulness for a specific period of time.  When we take on the practice of meditation, we focus.  This focus could be an aspect of breathing, such as the sensation of our breath at the tip of the nostrils or visualizations techniques.  

Hence, meditation is the application of mindfulness to a specific object for a specific period of time.  And while we can be committed to our practice, the real benefits are in the moments we spend not meditating.  It allows us to manage with the chaos of life with greater focus, along with the benefits of inner peace, spontaneity and equanimity.  

When asking others what is meditation, varied answers will follow.  Meditation can be an infinite different things, including prayer, chanting and stillness … 

Yet mindfulness is more concise … paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, with no judgement.  Mindfulness is available, always, in the present moment, the only moment we have … 

Mindfulness meditation originates from an ancient Buddhist meditation technique …

A recent study showed that after an eight week course of mindfulness practice, the brain’s fight or flight centre, the amygdala, appears to shrink.  

This primal region of the brain, associated with fear and emotion, is involved in the initiation of the body’s response to stress.  As the amygdala shrinks, the pre-frontal cortex – associated with higher order brain functions such as awareness, concentration and decision-making becomes thicker.  

The “functional connectivity” between these regions – i.e. how often they are activated together – also changes. The connection between the amygdala and the rest of the brain gets weaker, while the connections between areas associated with attention and concentration get stronger.  

In other words, our more primal responses to stress seem to be superseded by more thoughtful ones.

Personally, my zen practice has helped to lessen the abusiveness of stimulation, the stress and pain associated with cancer.  I have been learning how to refrain from engaging in though process that magnifies the pain.  The process is simple, the practice is challenging.  But it’s worth noting that the change in perception can be permanent … just don’t give up.  

Mindfulness meditation takes commitment and devotion to your practice.  And it is more than those moments of stillness … it is who you are in those other moments of life.  Meditation allows you to detach from your thoughts, which manifest into feelings.  As the observer, you can ask how and what rather than why.  

Eventually, no matter what kind of thoughts come up, you have the opportunity to be critically honest with yourself.  How true can you be with yourself is a great question to ask.  

No matter how wild or bizarre your thoughts, mindful meditation guides you back to breath, back to the here and now.  The gift within each meditation session is the journey of discovery to understand the basic truth of who we are.  

“The masters say if you create an auspicious condition in your body and your environment then meditation and realization will automatically arise.”

- Sogyal Rinpoche

www.walkstrong.ca

" Space … "

I'll give you space ...
Space in your phone where it said my name
Where I took my picture out your frame
And I won't be around when you figure out
You got exactly what you asked for, space

Space in your mind when you think of me
'Cause I'm about to be a memory
Now you've got your space ...

~ Pussycat Dolls ~ Space ~

***

Ever thought about giving yourself some space?  Space from a situation, a relationship, a job?  Probably not as many think that not having activity going on around them is uncomfortable.  They don’t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do.

confession ... in the past, if I had some free time, 
I didn’t know what to do with myself ...

So why the discomfort with empty pockets of time and space?  Because some feel free time is lonely time.  They can’t deal with their own company, and have feelings of nothing worthy of living.  Yes ... the root is self-worth.

Self-worth ... when you begin to truly love yourself, you learn that space is an amazing buffer against feeling stressed or overwhelmed.  It provides exactly what it implies ... room for exploration, growth, contemplation and rejuvenation ... the more quiet time alone, the more you get use to it.

Plus you begin to appreciate taking moments to just be, sit quietly and focus on your breathing.  You get to decide what works for you and drown out all the voices, opinions, expectations, responsibilities that go along with it.  This allows you to decompress and communicate with the most important relationship you’ll ever have ... with you.

Initially, it can take some getting use to, sitting by yourself or even with a loved one without having to say a word and appreciating it.  Your need to keep busy falls away.  And your soul scoops up the nourishment.  Your need to randomly fill up what seems like a void in your life will disappear and you will stop dodging yourself.  Because the busier you are, the less you have to pay attention to yourself, and you matter at this very moment.  Eventually, you will crave the space of timelessness & peacefulness as it is the best gift for your soul.