" Alone ... "

“ … And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won't end though

Alone

But the secret is still my own

Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

Alone, alone … “

~ Heart ~ Alone ~ 

***

The origin of the word ALONE comes from the Middle East in around the 1300s, from al all + one one. The word itself can be viewed as all one rather than the sad reference it has today.

Being alone doesn’t mean you are anti-social or unwanted ... some sorry state that is colorless unless reinforced by others … implying the sadness, isolation and longing for companionship. Rather, being alone begins with embracing solitude.  

We recognize the benefits and joys within fulfilling relationships with other people, yet on your own, you begin to grow as a person.  You get a chance to recharge and you get a chance to reflect more.  As we spend time by ourselves, we don’t have to bother with processing the thoughts and feelings of others.  It is a time when we focus inwards.  

… solitude provides the perfect environment for reflection … 

And as we focus inwards, we have a chance to get in touch with our own emotions to gain a greater perspective. Plus create a deeper understanding of what makes us happy and what we really want.  

With this awareness of what you want, you may start doing thing you actually enjoy as well as become more productive with less distractions.  You may even have a sense of independence, confidence in your ability to actually be alone.  The anxiety or burning desire for others begins to fade … and you get some distance from constantly trying to keep other people happy … simply, that constant interaction is not required.  

When we consider the most important relationship is with one self, we must be happy to give happiness to others.  Otherwise we are depleted, drained and have nothing really valuable to offer.  This internal new found happiness has always been within us.  Alone time or solitude allows us gain access to it and to not be concerned with validation or approval. So as we begin a journey of self discovery, we learn to be okay as we are, on our own or if we prefer with others.  That interaction becomes a choice not an obligation or burden, where we can reveal who we really are.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Show Up ... "

“ Thought so, haz-ey (eh)

Chillin on that cloud

thinking i might be crazy

Kinda been thinking about it lately ... 

But they will never play me

My game play is amazing

Who could ever knowwww

What the future holdsss

But will you pay attention

When my storys told

We aint getting young, we only getting old

So now i live life

By a different code

Gotta live life like

I will never die

Only pray for one thing

Thats to stay forever fly, Yeah ... “

~ Kid Cudi ~ Show Up ~

There are plenty of triggers so you don’t feel good about yourself.  You start to turn away and figure you are just not worth it.  You stop giving to yourself along the way because someone somewhere told you that you were just plain selfish.  

Yet something amazing happens when you choose to show up and commit to yourself.  In those moments there is freedom to be who you are and do what makes you feel good.  There aren’t any one(s) doubting you.  There aren’t any one(s) sabotaging you.  Because showing up for YOU is a life long process and it is all about you.  It is about love, compassion and acceptance of SELF.  When you show up for you, you show up for your dreams, your goals and your aspirations.  Your self-worth is based on what’s happening within you and not based on others approval.

Sounds simply but .... and it is a practice ... it is not easy, especially if you are like me who wants to be of service to others.  Not a martyr, just a helper.  Personally, a constant self-reminder to myself helps me ... to remind myself that I have everything I need to show up for me and choose me.  That I come first for me and no one else.

The best way is to let go

Let go of what happened before 

because it can’t be changed, modified or erased ... 

How do you let go of what has happened before? ... you LOVE YOURSELF - all of you.  The ugly and the good, the dark and the light, the anger and the joy.  It is all there within you available to explore.  Perhaps some are concerned of the optics, the visual and how this will all be for others ... yet does it really matter?  

And how do you begin to love ... 

you FORGIVE you

Your opinion of you matters most ... 

For some, it is a badge of honor to keep the legacy of pain alive, you know the pain you grew up with.  It is useful when things go wrong, or right.  It is useful when we want to blame someone else.  It is useful when we play ... victim.

Does this seem like a practice to become self centered and self absorbed?  Not if you commit with a pure and authentic heart.  You see self esteem isn’t about being falsely supported or protected.  It isn’t about convincing others or erasing differences.  It is simply about being kind, patient and compassionate towards yourself regardless of your flaws.  

When you show up for yourself, you begin to recognize your imperfections as an asset.  It is what makes you unique and you.  

Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose and commit myself to, what is best for me ―Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

www.walkstrong.ca

" Dismissed ... "

“Now you're talkin' like I've never played the game before

Save your empty words 'cause I don't wanna hear no more

Basically you're trying to take control of me

But you're not what i wanna be

Do your best to try to pull me down

I'm never goin' back even if I see you around, no

No, I'm never goin' down like this

You've been dismissed “

~ Zoegirl ~ Dismissed ~

***

Think about the last time you expressed yourself and heard ... "cheer up, don’t feel that way, sorry to hear that or I hope you feel better soon".  How did it make you feel?  If you read between the lines, some are saying ... I don’t want to hear about it.  So therefore, all it is is a disguise of casual politeness.

Of course this doesn’t happen ALL the time, but such exchanges occur a LOT of the time.  You just have to listen carefully ...  

So here’s the deal ...

Whenever you talk about how you’re really feeling or what you really think, especially if it is deemed “negative” ... people get uncomfortable.  You see them fidget, squirm or maybe even criticize you sideways.  They may try to shut you up, censor you, change the topic, distract you ... or the most delusional of all ... make it seem like it’s “allllll good”.

Setting boundaries are different than invalidating someone.  It is odd to think that you are indefinitely available to other people and they are to you.  However, if they ask and you share and then they deflect your thoughts and/or feelings, you have been dismissed ... after all, they asked didn't they?  

Sounds insensitive but they got what they asked for and they didn’t like it.  Now it is about you and you are are the problem ... maybe they question how you really feel, shouldn’t feel, should feel and will feel ... in a subtle way, you have just been censored.

“Defensiveness is usually someone silently screaming 

that they need you to value and respect them in disguise. 

When you look for deeper meanings behind someone’s pain 

you can then begin to heal not only yourself, but others.” 

― S.L. Alder

A great place to begin is to ... lighten up.  You are not the problem.  You may be temporarily experiencing a negative emotion.  But the sun came up and it will most probably set again today.  You see, your emotions may be alerting you to problems in your thinking, but you may not have a problem with the way of feeling.  It is always what you do with that feeling, respectfully and peacefully.

Realize some are simply uncomfortable with HOW you are feeling.  Rather than taking responsibility for their own discomfort when you talk about something that's too emotional, they will blame you.  Because they are unwilling to get emotional, or to be fully present, or to genuinely accept that you feel the way you do.  

Usually others don’t want to experience your negative emotions because it is painful.  Painful when they realize that you may become their problem when you voice what 

they cannot accept in their own self.

www.walkstrong.ca

" No Boundaries ... "

With every step you climb another mountain

With every breath it's harder to believe

You make it through the pain

Weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going no where

Just when you almost gave up on your dreams

They take you by the hand and show you that you can

There are no boundaries...

There are no boundaries

You can go higher

You can go deeper

There are no boundaries above and beneath you ...

~ Adam Lambert ~ No Boundaries ~

***

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable, but it is the most effective way to claim your power.  Boundaries are tools you can use to overcome oppression and resist negativity.  

There is a connection between healthy boundaries and self-love.  Self-love enables us to have strong boundaries and then these exact boundaries enhance our lives.  A boundary can be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual and within these four domains, we have receptive boundaries which are self- protective and expressive boundaries which are respectful of others.  

So where does the negative reaction come from ... when others think you have alienated yourself, built a wall and “have changed or seem angry”.  You see whether your boundary seems like a high and thick wall built of strong boulders with no way in, or low and weak and easily to breech ... neither of these types of boundaries serves us well.  You can ensure that no one can get in but you can also isolate yourself from possible intimacy and support.  

... our first and last love is self love ...

Maybe personal boundaries have been given a bad rap.  Personally it is not about keeping others out, or being secretive.  It is about selectively choosing ... whom you have in your life and how you spend your moments.  When you have like-minded people in your life, the boundaries don’t seem to matter.  Why? because boundaries are as important to them as they are to you.  It seems pretty simple and it really is.  Making the most of THIS life is the secret.  Always, always, always the choice is yours.  And at times when you are unsure ... sit in stillness and listen to what you already know within ...

www.walkstrong.ca

" Good Company … "

Take good care of what you've got ...

Don't fool with fools who'll turn away

All my friends by a year by and by disappeared

But we're safe enough behind our door

Reward of all my efforts

My own Limited Company

All through the years in the end it appears

There was never really anyone but me ...

Take care of those you call your own

And keep good company

~ Queen ~ Good Company ~

***

There are lots of opinions on whether or not isolation is good company.  So do you think you are good company for you?

Often when we think of isolation, we are patterned to believe loneliness, inadequate, lack there of, unavailable ... yet really it is just about spending time alone.  And being alone means many of the distractions that often take us away from planned tasks are removed ... people, social media, phones ...

Personally I had the aforementioned belief until I allowed my outer world to stand still.  That is when I heard my inner self.  Now I view isolation as a great way to rejuvenate myself, and strengthen a sense of who I am.  I am not afraid to be with myself, my thoughts or with nothingness.  I am able to slowdown activities while still feeling empowered.  No deadlines, no expectations, no pressure to converse ... other than my monkey mind creatively flowing.

Plus, I think one of the greatest rewards for me is increasing my confidence in my abilities to do specific activities without an audience.  And ... the beauty is YOU ... you emerge from you time with a true sense of self.  It is not selfish.  It is self-love.  Ultimately it is good to understand periods of self-isolation are important along with the need to be balanced with relationships with other people.

“ ... well, I think everyone struggles with self-love .. “

Philip Seymour Hoffman

" Worthy Of ... "

Am I worthy of? ...

Am I strong enough?

To maintain this love

You’ve got me questioning (yeah)

Got me wondering (yeah, yeah) ...

Am I worthy of? ...

Am I strong enough? (strong enough, yeah)

To maintain this love (to maintain this love)

You’ve got me questioning 

Got me wondering (you got me wondering, yeah) ...

That can keep you happy

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I wanna keep you happy

~ Justin Timberlake ~ Worthy Of ~

***

Most of us have seen the commercial with the tag line ... “because your worth it”.  Which is all good and fine but the question is, do you really believe you are?

The issue of worthiness comes up all the time in our lives.  Unconsciously, we ask ourselves if we are worthy of success, love, happiness, etc.  We are not sure if we are good enough, if we deserve it and if we are truly worth it.  

But of course we are ALL worth it ... 

so why do we put ourselves through this cycle of suffering?

Well I think we lose sight of it ... we forget our value.  And maybe it starts with spiritual teachings of “love your neighbour as yourself”.  Although this is a beautiful practice, it is important that as we give and give to others, we don’t give out.  We don’t neglect ourselves, because once we do, we cannot help anyone.  

I remember as a child being told not to brag or be selfish.  I remember as a teenager, minimizing my accomplishments to avoid appearing conceited and just wanting to fit in.  And I recognize as an adult how I have developed a false humility to avoid looking prideful.  This engraves a pattern to not like yourself and believe that you don’t deserve anything. 

“Self-esteem suffers while self-worth is forgotten”.

The reality is that you must love and value yourself before you love others.  And you must have self-respect and acknowledge your own self-worth so that you can truly help thy neighbour.  Selfish, not at the least ... responsible, absolutely.  

Self worth comes from within and you not from having more money, more friends, a fancy car or a big house.  It is something intrinsic.  There are no replacements who can take over and live our lives for us ... no other person who has had the exact same experiences we have had, who has access to the same resources and relationships, nor who carries the same message to share with the world. 

It is your duty to treat the amazing creation you are in an amazing manner ...

Once you accept that you are here to fulfill a particular purpose, a purpose that no one other than you can bring to fruition, you will not longer question whether we are worthy.  And your purpose may be large or small ... remember, small acts of kindness share the stage with large acts of sacrifice.  

Believe we are all equally, exactly, and completely worthy of being here in this life.  Accept that we have been called here to serve and take the steps required to listen and respond to what our lives are asking us to do.

Why ... because you really are worth it and yes, so am I.