" Desired Constellation ... "

It's slippery when 

Your sense of justice 

Murmurs underneath 

And is asking you:

How am I going to make it right? 

With a palm full of stars 

I throw them like dice

Repeatedly

I shake them like dice

And throw them on the table 

Repeatedly

Repeatedly

Until the desired constellation appears 

And I ask myself:

How am I going to make it right?

And you hear

How am I going to make it right?

~ Bjork ~ Desired Constellation ~

***

Is your desire to change greater than your desire to stay the same?  May be an odd question because similar to the majority of the people alive, there seems always have something you want to change.

Think about it ... the way you look, your health, your income, your career, a specific behaviour, where you live, some relationships ... If we are truly honest with ourselves, we would say yes to one of the aforementioned.

So what brings this desire to change?  Perhaps there is need to grow, to contribute, due to fear or personal dissatisfaction, or maybe it ego.  Whatever the reasons, there comes a time in our lives that we either choose to change or change is pressed upon us.  Life is dynamic and sometimes we just have to keep up.

Okay so far so good ... but how do you get the change you want?  By making the effort to KNOW what you want.  And if it sounds so easy then why do most people struggle?

Lack of clarity .... It is about being very clear regarding your desires.  It is easy to complain about what is wrong, and when we focus on problems, we get more problems.  But when we focus on possibilities, we get opportunities.  

I have learned to release the energy of finding fault and take up the energy of imagination.  I mentally play out ways “it” may change which allows me to venture a little way past “it” into the outrageous options.  Maybe I am a dreamer, maybe it is silly ... yet I become intrigued, curious and feel a bit lighter.  

The best advice I got was don’t think, just allow and observe.

And initially this was difficult.  I had a a sense of wanting to control the outcome.  But I found out this is outlining and universe supports my actions more readily if I remove all the conditions I bring with it.

Embrace you inner child.  Allow the preferences to form in your consciousness so that eventually they become clear enough to describe in words.  Start thinking of a solution you prefer and ask what would be better?  Continue this process until you’ve visualized a situation you can’t imagine a way to top.  This lets everyone and everything around you deliver exactly what you want.

I have found that my ability to soar often depends on pushing back against something I don’t want.  The more specific I am about what doesn’t work, the clearer I can make our desire.  And for me, this outweighs my desire to stay the same ...

" Energy ... "

In beauty or beast

Who's my character to be

I'm now covering

All the makeup that makes me

(Come on, come on, come on) ...

And all of your friends are now whispering

I think you left me for the government

And all of your friends, I hope are listening

I wish you'd stop sucking all my energy ...

(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)

I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy

(Energy, energy, energy, energy, oh)

I wish you'd stop wasting all my energy

~ Collective Soul ~ Energy ~

***

Ever notice that successful people have an energy about them.  And it is not just their physical energy but their “inner” energy.  Considering low energy, exhaustion and fatigue are at epidemic levels, it would probably be wise and start rebuilding our personal energy levels now.

So how do we get and maintain high level of personal energy?  Well the first thing is knowing that personal energy does come from within ... the real source is inside.

Opportunities create personal energy ... optimism.  

Consequence thinking creates “stuck-ness” ... pessimism.

It starts with taking care of Health.  Critical.  Good health provides the platform for high personal energy.  We all hear about how highly successful people have overcome very difficult physical and mental issues to create the energy necessary to succeed ... the key being opportunity thinking.

It involves Curiosity.  Curiosity also creates personal energy.  A sense of discovery or wanting to know more ... then taking action to gain knowledge.  It gets you out of a rut.  And I read somewhere that “the only difference between a rut and a grave is a rut's longer.”

It means Overcoming.  Overcoming the panel of “thems” as I refer to it ... you know the “theys” or “thems” that are invisible and sitting on your shoulders telling you to be careful, be afraid and give up.  Ignoring it is a small victory.  And knowing they will be back but also knowing you can overcome it if you keep your eyes on the prize.

It means Releasing worry.  Worry drains your energy and if you are a worrier, like me, or an over-thinker, mental exhaustion results.  Lift your worry by reciting   “May I be free of worry, May I be well, May I feel safe and at ease, May I be at peace”.

Check in and assess your level of energy.  There are infinite ways to increase this so find what works for you.  Commit yourself to taking action and use this to control your emotions.  Just begin by laughing, smiling and thinking about an opportunity ... and you may be amazed at how things may shift and lift your spirit.

" Knowing ... "

Preachers at the church knowing, we still get by ...

Well here's a formal introduction

Something to make you ponder

Well everybody play dumb, but there's some that succumb

And fall victim, I will overcome any hurdle or obstacle that's in my path ...

Your stomach is balled in a knot, you got that phat purse ...

Destroyed by the need to indulge and enjoy the finer things in life right? ...

Even though things started falling apart ...

Every action has a positive and equal reaction

Therefore everything that goes around comes around in that fashion

You thought you was slick the way you hit me for that lick

But you slipped now I'm getting in your ...

~ Outkast ~ Knowing ~

***

I know that lately my blogs have had perhaps not a happy-go-lucky tone.  I apologize as my intentions are never to be a drag ... my blog is an outlet, a place were I choose to be vulnerable and truly express what is going on inside.  And I came to a big realization tonight.  I have been looking for a guarantee if you will.  I want reassurance and confirmation.  And the reality is that what I am looking for, I will never find.  

As Russell and I eat our dinner on our front porch tonight, I acknowledged how truly grateful I was for the moment.  He is my sounding board and always provides space for me to express myself.  Tonight I shared with him how I am struggling with the fear of the unknown ... how I need to shift into curiosity instead because I know it is a far more enjoyable place to be ... flashback to the other night ... Mary Poppins singing Anything is Possible ...

Probably the most interesting part that i want to share here right now is after a great deal of pondering, I can now conclude that there is no way we can predict our future only by looking our condition that we're in at the moment.  Sorry, perhaps not too insightful for those that already get it ... for the rest of us, it just takes a wee bit of time, you know, another aha! moment.

There is no guarantee in life.  All we can do and need to do is just “do the best in what we are in right now”.  We are on a journey of life, an unstable moment where everything is on the process to be shaped.  Things can and do change instantly ... 

And for those that know me, know that my faith has become so strong.  Maybe this is what happens when you diagnosed with cancer, you feel the need to be closer to God.  Whatever your spirituality, I recommend you look to Him to guide you to exactly what you need right now ...  and work to believe that He will.  

I ask Him to give me a vision to keep hope alive.  I know He has my back.  

People say life is short ... I say it is unpredictable and a risk.  As soon as we are born, we are at risk for well pretty much everything.  So instead of fearing as to what is going to happen next, I am really trying to just enjoy it.  Because no matter how much you think you are prepared for the future ... you never truly are.  You don’t know what curve ball is coming .. but here is the thing, they are ALWAYS coming, because that is what life is all about.

" Highs N Lows ... "

"I be high then I be low
I be low then I be high

I be high when I get what I couldn't before

I be low when I'm looking at a stressed face
It's like a battle knife to a gun fight
No need to worry this the story of my life ..."

~ Kid Cudi ~ Highs N Lows ~

***

Well, we are starting week 40 of the Gerson Therapy.  Yes incredible to think ... I remember talking to family and friends at week 1 wondering how we were going to do this, how we would manage.  And I am happy to report, we have and we are.  As mentioned in my prior posts, thanks to the kindness, generosity, love and support of what I like to call my earth angels.

Since my last post, I have experienced some real highs and some real lows.  Personally, I have been feeling stronger, better and more determined than ever to beat this horrid dis-ease.  I had a great healing session with my beautiful friend, Jolene of Coreporate Care, whom I mentioned in my last post.  Some great insight and affirmations.  Feeling like I am on the road to recovery and healing ... having worked really hard to get to this point, it feels good to feel this way.  And just when I was staying present in my world and my reality ... we had a dear friend of ours pass away.  Highs N Lows.

Vesna was a friend we met at the Gerson clinic in March 2011 and arrived a few days short of our 3 week stay.  She was accompanied by her husband.  The first day, we exchanged stories as to what brought us to the Tijuana.  Our commonality ... breast cancer.  There was a lot of shared frustration, anger, fear and curiosity.  Russell and I, having the majority of our visit under our belts, felt quite equipped to share our knowledge, understanding and beliefs around the therapy.  With Vesna, she was not new to a cancer diagnosis, as this being a reoccurrence, she had felt that a different option from what she had already experienced could work.  With our the severity of our diagnosis varying, our sense of desperation varied too.  I knew that look, that feeling ... I had it 2 weeks prior.  And so I tried to lend my support and encouragement around the therapy, why it works, why it is important to follow it as directed ... why we had to believe.  And we all believed, to some level, or we wouldn't have been there ... again, all of us desperately searching for the unattainable ... a sure thing, a guarantee. 

All of us at the clinic knew that in "theory" the Gerson Therapy works.  But, we also knew that we all respond differently, heal differently ... for some, our immune systems were not strong enough to endure the flare ups and healing reactions to come our way.  For others, we would continue on the therapy.  We all knew that we would do our best and also do what is takes to heal ... conventional, Gerson, or a combination of both.  Regardless of the choice of treatment, we all had the same intentions ... and provided unconditional support.

For Vesna, she left us this past weekend ... passing away peacefully.  I trust she IS at peace now.  All the frustration, anger and fear replaced with solace, harmony and love.  I trust our friend is looking down upon the rest of the Gersonators and cheering us on, believing in us ... knowing we all have our own journey to take.  

♥ Rest in Peace our beautiful friend ♥