" Knowing ... "

Preachers at the church knowing, we still get by ...

Well here's a formal introduction

Something to make you ponder

Well everybody play dumb, but there's some that succumb

And fall victim, I will overcome any hurdle or obstacle that's in my path ...

Your stomach is balled in a knot, you got that phat purse ...

Destroyed by the need to indulge and enjoy the finer things in life right? ...

Even though things started falling apart ...

Every action has a positive and equal reaction

Therefore everything that goes around comes around in that fashion

You thought you was slick the way you hit me for that lick

But you slipped now I'm getting in your ...

~ Outkast ~ Knowing ~

***

I know that lately my blogs have had perhaps not a happy-go-lucky tone.  I apologize as my intentions are never to be a drag ... my blog is an outlet, a place were I choose to be vulnerable and truly express what is going on inside.  And I came to a big realization tonight.  I have been looking for a guarantee if you will.  I want reassurance and confirmation.  And the reality is that what I am looking for, I will never find.  

As Russell and I eat our dinner on our front porch tonight, I acknowledged how truly grateful I was for the moment.  He is my sounding board and always provides space for me to express myself.  Tonight I shared with him how I am struggling with the fear of the unknown ... how I need to shift into curiosity instead because I know it is a far more enjoyable place to be ... flashback to the other night ... Mary Poppins singing Anything is Possible ...

Probably the most interesting part that i want to share here right now is after a great deal of pondering, I can now conclude that there is no way we can predict our future only by looking our condition that we're in at the moment.  Sorry, perhaps not too insightful for those that already get it ... for the rest of us, it just takes a wee bit of time, you know, another aha! moment.

There is no guarantee in life.  All we can do and need to do is just “do the best in what we are in right now”.  We are on a journey of life, an unstable moment where everything is on the process to be shaped.  Things can and do change instantly ... 

And for those that know me, know that my faith has become so strong.  Maybe this is what happens when you diagnosed with cancer, you feel the need to be closer to God.  Whatever your spirituality, I recommend you look to Him to guide you to exactly what you need right now ...  and work to believe that He will.  

I ask Him to give me a vision to keep hope alive.  I know He has my back.  

People say life is short ... I say it is unpredictable and a risk.  As soon as we are born, we are at risk for well pretty much everything.  So instead of fearing as to what is going to happen next, I am really trying to just enjoy it.  Because no matter how much you think you are prepared for the future ... you never truly are.  You don’t know what curve ball is coming .. but here is the thing, they are ALWAYS coming, because that is what life is all about.