" Regret ... "

Maybe I've forgotten

The name and the address

Of everyone I've ever known,

It's nothing I regret ...

I would like a place I can call my own

Have a conversation on the telephone

Wake up everyday, that would be a start

I would not complain 'bout my wounded heart ...

Just wait 'till tomorrow

I guess that's what they all say

Just before they fall apart...

~ New Order ~ Regret ~

***

We grow a lot when we are faced with our own mortality.  We begin to reflect on the past with pride or regret.  And that regret may have common themes that start to surface again and again.  

How many dreams have gone unfulfilled?  How many don’t have the courage to live a life true to self?  How many don’t have the courage to express their true feelings?  

When a loss occurs, we reflect on what we had.  Until we are able to fill it with something or someone else.  We think we have time and we rarely think we will run out of it.  Yet it is very important to try to honour at least some of your dreams along the way.  

By simplifying your lifestyle, making conscious choices and creating more space in your life you become more open to life rather than wishing you did more.

By expressing your feelings in a un-harmful way, you become who you are truly capable of becoming.  Suppressing emotions manifest as a dis-ease or ill-ness in the body.  

By giving relationships the time and effort they deserve, you realize the full benefits of the human connection.  Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

“ ... it is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships ... “

By choosing happiness for you rather than comfort, familiarity or playing it safe.  Fear of change can make you pretend to others, to yourself that you are content.  

So whether it be a wake up call, an epiphany, a mid-life crisis or simply choosing to live the life you want, do it now ... your future self will thank-you for it.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Events ... "

“Mark it on a calendar and walk away

Forget the stories forget the pain

They mean nothing to you well they mean nothing to me

But the memories wont let me be

Take the pictures to remember the day 

I'm forgetting the voices what they have to say

They mean nothing to you they mean nothing to me

But the memories wont let me be 

And it is only the strong survive

And that is only the biggest lie ... 

I blacked my soul last night to feel like you ...

And I need to think of something to say 

before we all are on the floor “

~ The Front Bottoms ~ Events ~

***

An event, big or small, happy or sad, surely you’ll see many you haven’t seen for a while.  Words are expressed with an embrace, observations are made and expectations are set ... and then what happens, absolutely nothing.  I can’t keep count how many times I heard ... haven’t seen you in a long time, we should get together, how have you been, gosh, you must be so busy, life is really hectic, so much going on, we really need to spend time together, how are you feeling ... moving lips and then what happens, absolutely nothing.

And so what’s the point?

It is so easy to believe you are connecting, you can pick up where you left off and you know what is going on in someones life.  Isn’t it just as easy to peek on their profile, snoop on their wall, and check out their social media outlets ... ?  

... we become perfect strangers ...

Perfect strangers whom meet when it is required, expected, and an obligation.  Sad?  for some ... because initially there is a sense of excitement, to reconnect, to rekindle the magic from when you were a youth.  It’s easy to romanticize the past.  Yet inevitably somehow along the way someone will see you in the same light ... can’t see past your faults, your flaws, your past.  Perhaps your new found identity threatens them and their existence.  Who are you now and where to they fit in?  So to them, you have never changed.  To them, you are same.  To them, judgement is a one way street.

WE change moment by moment.  So isn’t it odd to hear that nothing is new.  EVERYTHING is new.  So what is it about then?  Can they just cant be bothered to share with you their joys and sorrows?  Or maybe they don’t think it is that big of a deal ... their life that is.  Or maybe they are still stuck in the past, holding on to a grudge, even at the saddest times when all that is desired is comfort.  So, they give you the highlight reel ... the great trips, the awards their kids win, their latest purchase, their latest gadgets.  

Life is just so terrific.  So they say.  Yet their faces are full of suffering and because maybe they can't bare their soul, have a real conversation and really express how they are.  Perhaps the reality of their situation is too much to handle.  So you see others going through the motions ... saying the right things, doing the right things, and being seen where they need to be seen.  They lose the point ... of why they were present.  Perhaps a harsh observation but one that is usually not spoken.  And, yes of course, judgement as well.  

But how do we really feel?  

Aren’t there times when we just want to scream and say ... f*ck it?  

Isn’t that expression REAL honesty in the moment?  

Isn’t it okay to say that you are NOT okay? 

Isn’t it okay to ask for help?  

When we strive to become more authentic, we remove all the distractions, the image, the layers and the stories.  We bare who we TRULY are.  The shell is gone and we have no where to hide.  Kindness is always always ALWAYS necessary - especially towards self.

Gentle reminders of gratitude ... 

These events happen to teach - teach about who we are, what we are made of and what we are capable of dealing with.  We are all fractured souls trying to put the pieces back together.  We are all trying to figure it out.  So these moments, these events give us a chance to dig deep, sort out what works, what doesn’t.  These are the moments help us maneuver through life and all it’s glory.  And let it be so ...

www.walkstrong.ca

" Creative ... "

“... Take that ride

On a magic carpet 

We can fly

They'll be nothing like it

Feels so right

Every night

Every time you're near

I get creative ... “

~ Leon Brown ~ Creative ~

***

There are different ways to express ourselves, creatively.  Some paint, others sculpt.  Some draw, others write.  Some play music, others recite poetry.  Whatever your outlet, it is important to nurture as it supports your spiritual growth.

 Study after study shows that creativity, in any form, is healthy.

Personally, the most interesting, creative people I know express themselves in a variety of ways.  They associate creative pursuits with other activities and fully silence their gnawing need to constantly make things.   

I love to write, random thoughts, blogs, short stories, poems.  

I always have.

Writing down my thoughts and feelings, helps me heal my life because it helps me change the way, the way I was and the way I am to be.  We have all heard that attitude is everything, and that phrase couldn’t be truer when presented with a life-changing experience.  Writing helps me to find a different perspective, a different way ... and how to live life as it is meant to be lived, FULLY.  

Expressive writing has been linked with improved mood, well-being, stress levels and depressive symptoms ... as well as more physical benefits of lower blood pressure, improved lung and liver functioning.  

So ask yourself ... when was the last time you counted out everything you have to be thankful for in life?  This in itself is a great place to start.  You don’t need a website, blog, social media ... you need YOUR thoughts and a form to express.  

Whether it is a flash of insight, or solution to a longstanding problem, we all long to express ourselves creatively.  We admire the capacity to be original, it seems to be part of human nature.  

Personally speaking, immersion in a creative experience is hugely rewarding by itself.  As often during that immersion, that special state called "flow," a feeling outside of time, of effortlessness that is so extraordinarily satisfying, provides a sense that life is worth living.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Temper Temper ... "

This time you'd better bite your tongue
Think twice before you open that mouth
Take a breath, hold it in your lungs
Being from rage, will it overcome?

I feel the tension rising high
I feel a hump down in my chest
Nothing is strange, I see in red
Can't hold it back
Here comes my...

Temper temper, time to explode
Feels good when I lose control
Temper temper, time to explode
Chamber's empty, time to reload

~ Bullet For My Valentine ~ Temper Temper ~

***

So you think that temper tantrums only apply to children?  Well I just proved otherwise ... today.  Yeah, not a proud moment I might add.  Downright embarrassing to be honest.  And I know that I am not alone ... 

You see as a child when I threw a tantrum, my Mother wouldn’t wait patiently until I calmed down.  She would confront me upfront and in a stern, no nonsense voice of imposing authority, inform me that there was no way she was going to up with my drama act.  I could scream, stomp and even body-slam fits of rage, she would have none of it.  And I love her for it.  Because she knew, as a toddler, I wasn’t a master in effectively communicating my feelings or solving problems.

Sure needed that no nonsense tone today ...

Okay, rather than beating myself up for the entire day, I get that anger manifests when the demands we place on ourselves, others or on the world are not being met to our expectations.  So the question is ... are my expectations realistic and fair?  

We are conditioned by society to believe that we should have what we want when we want it, that we deserve only the best and should not deny ourselves, and that we shouldn't have to work hard to obtain possessions, success, health, or love.  So we carry on with life, trying to find quick fixes for every possible need.  And when life doesn’t go as planned (almost always), our inner child may ... ahem, bloom.

So I check my ego and ask ... do I consider myself more important than others (no) ... do I feel my rights trump yours (no) ... are my needs greater than the other person at this moment (no) ... 

darn, sadly no excuse for bad behaviour ... i’m sorry

I am realizing that when we are denied what we are seeking, personal and spiritual growth have a chance, because it enables us to prioritize what is really important.

I know better ... I have better tools ... I know I can learn from this ...

Do no harm ...

Letting your raw emotions out is important so they won’t leak into the rest of your life ... as long as you project to an inanimate object.  Dealing with anger effectively, in the moment, is golden.  The key is finding a safer way to deal with it,  allowing a full release, without making an a$$ in the process.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Speak The Truth … "

So now speak the truth
And if you ever say my name
Speak the truth

Hate-I'll see hate 'til I breathe my last words
Pain-There's no pain in what you call honour

Starved for attention you're mocking my name
So quick to judge me but not to my face
Starved for attention you leech off my name
Hollow in your heart from birth to the grave

So now speak the truth
And if you ever say my name
Speak the truth
Got what you wanted from my name?

~ Throwdown ~ Speak The Truth ~ 

***

Speak your truth or get out of the way of those who have a difference to make.  This is the advice my practitioner gave me ... pretty blunt but pretty honest.

Truth is more powerful when you speak from love.  When we choose to speak our truth, we also have a choice ... to choose only positive thoughts and words to describe our self, our life and our world.  Our words determine our outcome because they are full of powerful energy.  And energy that can be used in a constructive way, a positive way ... or alternatively a destructive and suffering way.

How do you do this when you are not feeling so positive about what is happening around you?  Begin with the big picture and trust that you are just as you are, others are doing the best they know how at that moment and they too are just trying to find their way.  

The best way to honour your energy is to learn this practice.  Try an experiment ... hold untruths and put them forward ... your energy field or aura will weaken ... setting yourself up for karmic repercussions as well.  And learning to speak truth at all times is important as this does others a high service as well.  And simply in terms of integrity, holding a high inner integrity is rewarded by the universe and can open doors.

When we have a low level of integrity we attract low energy from others and also we miss opportunities that are handed to other souls who are deemed more deserving or more in tough with their integrity ... 

Speaking your truth is one thing ... finding your truth is another.  What is your truth is not a question we are asked in school or in a job interview ... your truth is learning how to say what we mean and mean what we say.  Having a positive attitude helps too ... because you feel empowered for what you stand for and therefore  what you are telling others.  

It is about finding a BALANCE ... rather than push your views and beliefs onto others, state your truth quietly and with conviction.  Remember, it is okay if it is not accepted as it doesn’t diminish it’s WORTH to YOU.  

And what is the result of not speaking your truth?  ... it undermines who you are in essence.  When we deny our self truth, we are acting falsely to what we think and feel, we have lost most of what makes us “us”.  It can happen gradually, due to the influence of others and our environment, or maybe we never truly understood who it is we are in to being with.  

what makes you tick?  

what do you truly desire?  

what do you really stand for?  

The aim is to become more of who you already are, or to aligning to your soul essence while living in this human form.  Create quiet time, think deeply about what you stand for, be honest in your dealings and about who you are ... and for those that choose to judge you, they aren’t worthy of your efforts anyhow.

Every man dies but not every many lives 

~ William Wallace

" Say My Name ... "

Say my name, say my name 

If no one is around you 

Say baby I love you 

If you ain't runnin' game 

Say my name, say my name ... 

Why the sudden change 

I know you say that i am assuming things 

Something's going down thats the way it seems 

Shouldn't be the reason why you're acting strange 

If nobody's holding you back from me 

Cause I know how you useually do 

When you say everything to me times two 

Why can't you just tell the truth 

If somebody's there then tell me who 

Why the sudden change 

~ Destiny’s Child ~ Say My Name ~

***

Those who know me wonder why I have “two” names.  Is it Meena or is it Mini?  And why the two?  

Until recently I use to say that “Mini didn’t seem professional enough, so I changed it to Meena.  Meena is what they know me as in the workplace.  It has a nice ring to it ... blah blah blah ...”.  And I would of course add the story of where the name “Mini” came from ... which is a funny story for another blog.  

But again, the above was the explanation I use to give.  And yes it is all true, but there was more to it.  And now I can share what that is, because now, a huge realization set in for me.  

I changed my name after years of teasing ... I use to hear Mini Mouse, Mini Ravioli, and even are you a Mini or a Maxi ... yeah that one was very odd.  But I also changed my name because I never really liked who I was, I never really liked Mini.  I felt inadequate and un-worthy.  I didn’t feel like I was good enough, for anything.  I just didn’t like Mini.  So this was enough motivation to change my name, because maybe it would change me.  I could be someone else because I didn’t want the life I had, I wanted to be someone else, almost always.

But things have shifted.  And my friends may have noticed that even on facebook, I added Mini to my name.  I kept both only because I built an entire life around Meena, just like I had an entire life around Mini.

So what the change, again?  Well, I had a great conversation with a friend who asked me if I had found the blessing(s) in cancer.  And I said yes I had and there were many.  The biggest one is “now, love who I am”.  I have discovered self-love and it feels great.  I am in  alignment with my thoughts, my actions and my feelings.  I feel worthy, I feel adequate and I know I am doing the best I can with where I am at right now, exactly where I am suppose to be.

Well, there you have it ... and it may seem odd, but that’s okay, because I am good with odd too!  

Yes you can ask the question ... “what name do you prefer then?”.  Honestly, I prefer that you call me by the name you feel comfortable with, as YOU know me and who I am.  Because TADA! .... “it’s ME!”.  

Truly, a name is just a name, a label ... but it is the essence of a being, their presence and their actions who determine who they really are.  Their authentic self ... and at my core, I was and still am the same person.

“Bob Marley isn’t my name.  I don’t even know my name yet.”

~ Bob Marley ~

" Your Approval ... "

I wouldn't have compromised so much

so much of myself for fear of

having you hating me ...

I became self-conscious

of anything exuberant

I wouldn't have sold myself short

I wouldn't have kept my eyes

glued to the ground

if I had've known my invisibility

would not make a difference

I would've run around screaming proudly

at the top of my voice

I wouldn't have feigned needlessness

I would not have discredited

every one of their compliments

it was your approval I wanted

your congratulations

~ Alanis Morissette ~ Your Approval ~

***

We spend a great deal of time seeking approval ... from our parents, spouses, children, co-workers and even neighbours.  The approval seeking business, which takes a whole lot of effort and may not give you the approval you want.

Seeking approval of others and listening to the opinions that don’t resonate with you is detrimental to your happiness.  Why?  because when we ignore our own intuition and instead choose to act on the advice of other people, we never find our true calling.

Simple in theory yet difficult to practice ... I have struggled with this for my whole life yet I know I am in good company and not alone in this battle.

Hmmm ... where does it all begin?  Well, we are taught to seek approval.  And it really starts from childhood.  If we behave well, our parents are happy with us.  If we do what the teacher tells us to, we get good grades.  If we work hard, our boss is happy with us.  Everything seems to be based on the obedience model.

So when there is no defined model to follow, we start seeking approval to “check in” and see if we “measure up”.  We ask ourselves if we are we doing okay?  if we are we on track?  if we fit in?  if we are accepted? ... 

Yet are we not really asking if we are good enough?

Approval is the acceptance as satisfactory.  The act of giving validity as we seek approval to satisfy OUR desire to be loved.  We crave the feeling of appreciation in hopes to tell ourselves “I did something and they are pleased”.

Yet what I have realized is that acknowledgement is different from approval.  Where seeking approval can paralyze your life because you become dependent on others to tell you whether you are doing the right thing at the right time, acknowledgement does not change who you are nor your spirit.

Asking yourself the following questions can put things into perspective:

• Do I know what I know now because someone gave me the knowledge or his approval?
• Why would I seek another’s approval when he/she is on a path of life that may not be the same as my own?

I have noticed that the more unique you are, the more disapproval you will you receive.  And even if people wish you the best, they don’t know you to the degree that they would be able to advise you of which direction to take.  Blindly following others will never make you happy. 

The soul never seeks approval, only man

Remember the people who criticize you are probably the most inhibited, sad souls that fear to express themselves.  Hence, if you do what feels right to you, you will reveal YOUR true expression.  

Trust your inner guidance

By releasing yourself from the approval-seeking mode, you hold no one but your authentic self responsible. So instead of relinquishing personal responsibility to others, own your life.

" Fake It ... "

it's a rush

keep your eyes on the ball

make them believe you have it all

it's a show

whatever you do don't let them know

you're just a tragic kid

sex, drugs and rock'n'roll

biggest cliché ever told ... 

bring it on

the hair and the make up

get that badass attitude

hit the stage

like you got no future

crank those marshalls till they die

jack daniels and money talks

life is good when you're on the rocks ...

fake it, you gotta fake it till you make it

~ Big Boy ~ Fake It ~

***

You may be familiar with the saying “fake it till you make it” ... you know, the recommended behaviour to “pretend” until we are the real thing ... hmmm, so along the same lines, is it acceptable to fake kindness or love ... pretending to care as an alternative to showing that you don’t?  

Believe it or not, some people think so because they start out pretending to care, next thing you know, they actually do care ... because they like the positive feedback ~ the way it makes them feel.  So first you pretend, then it turns into the real thing.  

No harm done right?

Yet what about the authentic experience?  Are we not just trying to brainwash ourselves?  Think about it ... when you “put on a happy face”, it induces greater happiness.  When we pretend to laugh, we sometimes make ourselves really laugh.  And when we recite affirmations, are we not trying to convince that inner voice that maybe knows better?

Possibly before very long, “faking it” creates a new, authentic experience of our desired state ... so again, no harm done right?  But where does integrity fit in to all this?  Well, we lose it and we lose it quickly.  Integrity means that the ‘inside’ and  ‘outside’ are harmonious.  And instinctively, we trust people of integrity ... because we know in our heart of hearts that they are not faking it .. our soul tells us that they are worthy of our trust.  

To me it makes more sense to acknowledge my limitations and position I am in.  The best thing I can do is act within my means because there’s a fine art in managing expectations when I am aiming high and my resources are limited.  That is not to say that I don’t focus on the knowledge within and believe that I have everything I need to succeed.

I guess we all have to decide how much "fake" we can live with ...

I know building something from nothing is not easy, but lying about it won’t make me feel any better about my struggles.  I don't "pretend to care" because when I actually do care, others won't know the difference.  I choose to live without pretending, knowing that I can say I made it and didn't have to fake it ...