" Events ... "

“Mark it on a calendar and walk away

Forget the stories forget the pain

They mean nothing to you well they mean nothing to me

But the memories wont let me be

Take the pictures to remember the day 

I'm forgetting the voices what they have to say

They mean nothing to you they mean nothing to me

But the memories wont let me be 

And it is only the strong survive

And that is only the biggest lie ... 

I blacked my soul last night to feel like you ...

And I need to think of something to say 

before we all are on the floor “

~ The Front Bottoms ~ Events ~

***

An event, big or small, happy or sad, surely you’ll see many you haven’t seen for a while.  Words are expressed with an embrace, observations are made and expectations are set ... and then what happens, absolutely nothing.  I can’t keep count how many times I heard ... haven’t seen you in a long time, we should get together, how have you been, gosh, you must be so busy, life is really hectic, so much going on, we really need to spend time together, how are you feeling ... moving lips and then what happens, absolutely nothing.

And so what’s the point?

It is so easy to believe you are connecting, you can pick up where you left off and you know what is going on in someones life.  Isn’t it just as easy to peek on their profile, snoop on their wall, and check out their social media outlets ... ?  

... we become perfect strangers ...

Perfect strangers whom meet when it is required, expected, and an obligation.  Sad?  for some ... because initially there is a sense of excitement, to reconnect, to rekindle the magic from when you were a youth.  It’s easy to romanticize the past.  Yet inevitably somehow along the way someone will see you in the same light ... can’t see past your faults, your flaws, your past.  Perhaps your new found identity threatens them and their existence.  Who are you now and where to they fit in?  So to them, you have never changed.  To them, you are same.  To them, judgement is a one way street.

WE change moment by moment.  So isn’t it odd to hear that nothing is new.  EVERYTHING is new.  So what is it about then?  Can they just cant be bothered to share with you their joys and sorrows?  Or maybe they don’t think it is that big of a deal ... their life that is.  Or maybe they are still stuck in the past, holding on to a grudge, even at the saddest times when all that is desired is comfort.  So, they give you the highlight reel ... the great trips, the awards their kids win, their latest purchase, their latest gadgets.  

Life is just so terrific.  So they say.  Yet their faces are full of suffering and because maybe they can't bare their soul, have a real conversation and really express how they are.  Perhaps the reality of their situation is too much to handle.  So you see others going through the motions ... saying the right things, doing the right things, and being seen where they need to be seen.  They lose the point ... of why they were present.  Perhaps a harsh observation but one that is usually not spoken.  And, yes of course, judgement as well.  

But how do we really feel?  

Aren’t there times when we just want to scream and say ... f*ck it?  

Isn’t that expression REAL honesty in the moment?  

Isn’t it okay to say that you are NOT okay? 

Isn’t it okay to ask for help?  

When we strive to become more authentic, we remove all the distractions, the image, the layers and the stories.  We bare who we TRULY are.  The shell is gone and we have no where to hide.  Kindness is always always ALWAYS necessary - especially towards self.

Gentle reminders of gratitude ... 

These events happen to teach - teach about who we are, what we are made of and what we are capable of dealing with.  We are all fractured souls trying to put the pieces back together.  We are all trying to figure it out.  So these moments, these events give us a chance to dig deep, sort out what works, what doesn’t.  These are the moments help us maneuver through life and all it’s glory.  And let it be so ...

www.walkstrong.ca

"You Matter To Me ... "

Look up, the sky is crying

Endless tears

Feels like my whole world's dying

It hurts when you're not here ... 

'Cause you matter to me and that's why

You still matter to me

You still matter to me, yes you do ...

And that's the only reason I need, ain't no lie

~ KISS ~ You Matter To Me ~

***

Life truly is beautiful and timing can be Divine even when you feel like your may be sucked down into a vortex of ... when you don’t know where to turn or who to turn, it can happen.  A message, a sign, a indication that ... everything is as it should be.

As cryptic as this may sound, today has been one of those days.  One of those days that I needed to hear it.  You know those times you wonder if you were to drop today, would it matter.  Graciously, to some it does.  And NO this is not a “victimhood ~ I feel bad ~ please feel sorry for me” situation.  This is reality, mine.  With every day, the courage we all need to face whatever life throws us ... but some moments it is just. too. hard.  And sometimes, you just. need. help.

In having one of those moments, I felt that I would receive some message, sign or indication ... that what I do matters, in this moment.  And it happened.  An call, kind words, support, love and authentic expression.  How precious for someone to be vulnerable and tell another that they matter.  Those words made my heart sing and my eyes weep ... ever so grateful for her courage and expression.

Do we say it enough ... Do we show it enough ... 

and how much is enough?  

Living a life full of regrets is a miserable existence ... and in my opinion an entire waste of the “gift” of living.  Why bother?  Taking it for granted and focusing on the lack.  It is habitual, we all do it ... even the most inspiring person you know does, albeit privately.  Because strong people are looked upon to cope, to lead and to take charge.  And sometimes they put their own hurt and exhaustion aside when other rely on them.  

“ ... show up to life each day, often with a smile on your face, 

and they’d never know how tough it is for you to keep doing that ... “

I read recently that “ ... reassurance is no substitute for healthy self-esteem, but even the healthiest of us need to hear it sometimes ... “.  So why are we so afraid of asking for it and so resistant to giving it?  

FEAR

This fear is often justified because you may be the one that is usually gives the reassurance.  So how can YOU ask for help?  You got it figured out, you seem to be okay, so why do you need help?  

And there it is  ... an image that you are holding onto.  
The image that “I’ve got my shit together”.  
So how can it be tarnished by ASKING for help?  

I mean, aren’t you the one that has this figured out already???  

Drop the self-criticism  judgement and the drama that goes with it.  And you may as well drop the cape, tight pants and mask because even with all the work you've put in, you can find yourself in a situation where you can’t get your emotions to listen to reason.  You can be your own hero, but sometimes you need a break .... and sometimes you’ve used everything in your “spiritual tool box” ... and just when you think you can't ... a friendly voice says “hey, it’s okay to let me be the strong one in this moment”.  

I am learning every day that to be strong is to show your vulnerability, your times of needing help and your times of not having it all put together.  Those are the times you can share the load, the burden ... a precious gift, because healing occurs when we are truly heard.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world 

~ Robin Williams

www.walkstrong.ca

" Suffering ... "

“ ... Let's sit back and relax and get comfortable

Now close your eyes, now make it right

I've got my mind set at ease

Don't you know it's you why you're suffering?

You're why you're suffering

I've got my reasons to live

Don't you know it's you why you're suffering?

You're why you're suffering ... “

~ Rebelution ~ Suffering ~

***

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to participate in a transformational event ... the Medicine Buddha Empowerment and Healing Retreat.  Bright-eyed and curious, my beautiful girlfriends and I, received empowerment by our teacher, learned how to apply the teachings of the Medicine Guru ... and prayed and chanted and prayed and chanted and prayed and ...  The retreat in itself is what you make of it ... whether those who attended were there for relief from their own mental or physical illness, or their loved ones ... our intentions were pure and our faith was fed.

And when attending a three day session like this one, you hope that one, two or more little morsels of wisdom you hear will find a place somewhere within you.  Allowing you to take the time you need to process and see if it resonates within you.  The beauty is that these morsels pop up like little clouds of inspiration, just when you need them ... our inner voice, our inner sense, our inner knowing ... 

“ ... Tibetan doctors rely on Medicine Buddha for their healings. Regular practice with the Medicine Buddha also empowers one with powers to heal others. In China and Japan, Medicine Buddha is a refuge in times of illness. Around the world, literally millions call out the name or mantra of Bhaisajyaguru (भैषज्यगुरु). It is even written in the sutras that if you speak the name of the Medicine Buddha in the ears of a dying animal or human they will be ensured good rebirth regardless of their past karma ... “

From the Buddhists perspective, illness is part of life, not the cause of your death.  Those words in themselves, for me personally, were profound.  From my own journey it is about finding the courage ... with determination ... to make a breakthrough, and I fully understand that doesn’t mean I’ll be saved from death by cancer.  

Personally it is about having a constructive attitude.  Because the cancer in this body I call mine in this lifetime has provided a doorway to give thought about my death, and to reflect on my life thus far.  I am learning that by using the “suffering” of this ill-ness, I come face to face with some of the deepest issues of life ... and death.  

“ ... Aside from visualizing and mantra recitation, a common healing practice is to chant 108 of Medicine Buddha’s mantras over a glass of water. The chanter, preferably one who has chanted the mantra in regular practice, then blows on the water and offers it to a sick person. The empowered water has healing powers. The patient can also be requested to speak the name of the Buddha 108 times, or chant the mantra, or read the sutras, or just to gaze up on a loving picture of the Medicine Buddha. Many miraculous cures have been attributed to the Medicine Buddha. Tibetan doctors tend to begin each day with Medicine Buddha practice, and when making herbal medicines chant the Mantras while working to further empower their medicinal benefits ... “

When we think of suffering, we think we must stop it, it is bad, it is painful, it is harmful.  Yet what if we view suffering as a fuel of wisdom, opening the way to happiness.  So maybe illness and suffering isn’t all that bad ... said that blogger living with cancer, who has NOT lost her mind, not just yet anyhow ;)

Putting this into perspective, how you cope with your illness will determine how well you live your life.  Rather than making excuses for what you have been “diagnosed” with ... start with ACCEPTANCE.  When you begin to accept your illness, you open yourself up to seeing what’s really on your plate, a process which takes time.

Acceptance lives in the present moment.  Little by little as you accept your illness, what IS, you cope a little better.  And then that little better gets a little more better, and a little more better, and a little more better ...

Illness, like everything in life, changes.  Whatever new effect you are facing today, different from yesterday, stretches you and your ability to adapt.  And for those that believe, this is the ripening of your negative karma, the path to enlightenment.  Perhaps an uncomfortable subject for some, others, it gives it purpose, to understand why not this suffering is happening to me.

The wake up call ... the new lease on life ... the second chance ... 

Those that suffer, really suffer, reading this may laugh at the mere concept of seeing that suffering can be a blessing.  A karmic blessing.  Because they are conditioned to see what they see ... physical distortions, mental anguish and spiritual disarray.  What have you got to lose ... to change the anger, hatred and distress towards joy, peace and clarity.  Trust not just a dream, fully possible from what I experienced this past retreat.  You see, the outcome may be what is destined to be, but the journey can be embraced with gratitude, in each and every moment ... by deciding what this suffering means to you.

I express infinite gratitude for the 

realizations, transformations and blessings shared and received ...

Medicine Buddha mantra

Tayata Om Bekanze Bekanze 

Maha Bekanze Radza 

Sumudgate Soha

" Sharing Grief ... (from Daily OM)"

Opening to Receive Comfort 

♥ holding you in hearts today Jacki ♥

When we experience something that causes us to feel shock and sadness, we may feel the urge to withdraw from life. It may seem like remaining withdrawn will keep us protected from the world, but during these times it is important to reach out to those trusted and precious people who care about us the most. Even with our best information and reasoning, we never know when someone else’s experience or perspective can give us additional information that we need. The universe speaks to us through many channels, and when we open ourselves up to receive its messages, we also receive nurturing care from a loving partner in life’s journey.

Grief is part of the human experience, and sharing our vulnerability is what creates truly close bonds in our relationships. Opening ourselves up in this way gets to the core of our being, past all of our defenses and prejudices. When life seems to crack the outer shell of our world, we are both raw and fresh at the same time. It is then that we discover who is truly willing to walk with us through life. We also see that some of those sent to us may not be the ones we expected to see. Regardless, we learn to trust in the universe, in others, in our own strength and resilience, and in the wisdom of life itself.

Sharing grief allows us to ease our burden by letting someone else help carry it. This helps us process our own inner thoughts and feelings through the filter of a trusted and beloved someone. We may feel guilty or selfish, as if we are unloading on someone who has their own challenges. Although, if we think about it, we know we would do the same for them, and their protests would seem pointless. Remember that not sharing feelings with others denies them the opportunity to feel. We may be the messenger sent by the universe for their benefit, and it is on this mission that we have been sent. By sharing our hopes and fears, joys and pains with another person, we accept the universe’s gifts of wisdom and loving care. 

Grief is part of the human experience, 

and sharing our vulnerability helps create truly close bonds.