" Self - Inflicted ... "

“ ... Every bone's been broken

But my heart is still wide open

I can't stop, don't care if I lose

Baby, you are the weapon I choose

These wounds are self inflicted ... 

With each scar there's a map

That tells a story, what a souvenir of

Young love's like jumping out an airplane

Riding a tidal wave on an ocean of emotion

My heart rips me wide open ... 

These wounds are self inflicted ... “

~ Katy Perry ~ Self Inflicted ~

***

Community and connection … the heart of what lies at times of crisis.  That call on all of us to assess honestly what we are willing to give up, and how far we are ready to serve others.  

Serving others … I use to think that it was selfish when you had to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others.  I use to think that the inconvenience to ourselves outweighed the sacrifice to save another.  Yet sometimes our intention in the acts of sacrifice is not only the bond that connects us, but also the challenge to take good care of ourselves.

Let’s be honest … most of us agree to do more than we can really afford.  We try to build the relationship, support it, manage it.  Yet very quickly we learn how the scales tip out of balance when the willingness to make sacrifice is not reciprocal.  

And so we are on THE quest … for that place where we know when we are over-stretching, again … yet not closing off the impulse to serve, to help and to create community and connection through personal sacrifice for the overall good.

“ … our long term well being 

relies on the health of our community … “

We serve out of less-than-perfect lives … focusing on different tasks and taking care of other people’s needs that we forget to take care of ourselves.  We attempt to manage our roles, relationships and responsibilities … we move mindlessly from one thing to another, trying to fit it all in … yet what we need is balance … a balance between service and self-care.

“ … Studies have shown that couples that have a balance 

between ME time and WE time

are happier  … “

Self-care is the most compassionate act you can perform for yourself because you cannot give what you don’t have.  When we practice self-care we are better parents, offspring, siblings, friends and partners.  Because when we fill up our wells, we can future others while also enjoying the bliss of our own self-love.  

Drop limited beliefs about honouring your wants and needs.  Fulfill your potential and discover your purpose, your joy because self care  … allows for more sharing and nurturing because there is plenty to give without being depleted or exhausted … allows you to serve others well because you have acknowledged your own worth and cultivated ways to fill and refill your well.

The shift is necessary and is possible, when you chose to re frame your belief system and thoughts you have around self-care.  You can choose to let go of resentment of others.  You can choose to stop being a victim of others’ demands.  You can choose what you self-inflict ... and the result, experiencing joy in this present moment.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Deep Hurt ... "

I saw you, like the promised land; 

And I felt you, like the only one. 

I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down; 

I'm falling, I'm falling inside my heart. 

I'm waiting, I'm stearing your time has come; 

I'm waiting, I'm stearing to burn you down... 

Deep hurt, when you leave me like this ... 

Deep hurt, when you're laughing of me... 

~ Lamia ~ Deep Hurt ~

***

* Deep hurt takes deep healing *

Deep hurt ... when an event or a time in your life where the rug of life itself seems to have been ripped out from beneath your feet.  

About a year and half ago I experience deep hurt.  By a friend, a hurt that was unexpected and very deep.  So I spent a long time reflecting ... asking why the situation happened, asking what I did “wrong”, asking how it could have been different.

* Deep hurt brings deep compassion *

And I have realized that I didn’t need to get over it, I needed to go through it and honor my pain.  Yes, that is right, honor.  Honor the reason why I have the pain to begin with.  It is not about arguing with your new reality, however catastrophic it feels.  It is about saying yes to what is happening at the moment and seeing where you can move yourself into a higher place from that moment forward.  It is about having more loving compassion for yourself rather than pity.  It is about finding that higher reason.

Courage * Integrity * Truth * Love 

I wish I knew then what I know now ... isn’t that always the way?  If only someone would have taught me that within the seed of deep life tragedy is the seed for life renewal ... and take that situation and create positive change ... perhaps my pain would not have lasted so long.

You are not your mind ... You are not your thoughts ...

Perhaps it is about getting through to the other side of your grief and into a place of authentic empowerment which shows you how via your situation you can feel different.

Perhaps it is about adjusting to the new situation with a positive sense of purpose re-igniting hope and replacing despair.

Whatever scars you carry around with you, take the time to not only identify your pain but express it.  In my situation, I didn’t have the opportunity to communicate my hurt.  So instead I scribed what I needed to and burned it.  It  empowered me instead of victimizing me.  

Yet reliving the past ... can be addictive ... it gives us the opportunity to do it again and respond differently ... you know to fight back instead of being passive or to speak your mind instead of staying silent.  It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?  But reliving the past also allows you to torture yourself.  Because regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now.  

So stop telling the story.  It may seem like another way to understand what happened, or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.

I realize that I can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story.  Sometimes when trying to find a happy ending it is better to look for a new beginning.  I can only find happiness when I let it go and make room for something better.   

It has not been easy to release a pain identity, particularly when I’ve carried it around for a long time.  So I started to remember who I was before that experience and I also consider who I might have become if it hadn’t happened.  Interesting space to play in ...

Hence if you find it hard to completely let go of the hurt forever, start simple ... make room for joy right now.  Just re-focus and allow yourself a little peace.  And because you don’t have to carry your hurt through every moment of your day, allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you love and find you need that story a lot less.