" Rock Bottom ... "

“ ... I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net

I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer

That's Rock Bottom

When you feel like you've had it up to here

'Cause you're mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear ... “

~ Eminem ~ Rock Bottom ~

***

You are walking into the ocean and big wave comes and knocks you over.  You find yourself lying on the bottom, with sand in your face. Gasping, drowning, searching for a way.  And you have a choice ... you keep lying on the bottom or stand up and start to keep walking out to sea.

It is easier to keep lying on the bottom because you know that there is another big wave approaching, possibly to knock you down further. And so you ask yourself, do you want to live?  There is something within you, that answers YES ... and in that moment when you decide to cultivate courage and bravery ... humour arises.  Because you realize that the waves never stop coming but they may seem to get smaller.  You realize that you may just need float on your back rather than swim against the current. 

There is a softness and vulnerability that emerges during this time, with your best qualities come out of suffering.  When these things happen in our life, and we choose to get up, and keep walking out to the sea, we are not shielding ourselves.  We are not guarding ourselves.  We are real.

And so ... walking out to sea, that same wave keeps knocking me down.  Falling face forward, with sand in my mouth, I get up, again ... I realize how tired I am but also that the waves may not be smaller, but my ability to swim or ride gets better.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Surrender ... "

“ ... Surrender every word, every thought every sound.

Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.

Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.

Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.

Surrender yourself to me

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds,

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds.

Searching until my hands bleed,

This flower don't belong to me ...

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask ... “

~ Billy Talent ~ Surrender ~

***

It takes a quiet knowing within to understand you were born for something unique, something more.  And answering our personal calling is a walk of raw courage.

I have come to understand that surrendering is allowing and surrendering is receiving.  Because when it comes to accessing the courage to step into this life and who we really are, self-doubt rears its ugly head.  Inner criticism, groundless-ness, confusion ... all part of the journey.  So surrendering is a yielding to the calling within.  Avoidance of it, halts our spiritual growth.

When we surrender to our calling or our path, we feel uncomfortable, hidden and misunderstood; yet, the deepest healing, growth and inner transformation takes place.  Because it is in surrendering to the process of the call that we find our whole.  We are brought back to truth.  

Each one of us has a unique gift to share, some just haven’t taken the time to unravel it yet.  Surrendering is part of the unravelling and easily misunderstood as passivity.  Yet it is change in stance, state of being.  It is a softening, a coming home to.  it is what we receive when we’ve made peace with life.  We feel a softness, not striving in our lives.

Take meaningful action and find your true self.  Wake up to what it’s all about and what all the circumstances are for, LOVE.  Begin to see how life is releasing exquisite gems to you in every moment, like water dripping from the tap.  And realize that connection and tenderness are available for the faces that grace your life.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Solitude ... "

In my solitude

You haunt me

With dreadful ease

Of days gone by

In my solitude

You taunt me

With memories

That never die

I sit in my chair

And filled with despair

There's no one could be so sad

With gloom everywhere

I sit and I stare

I know that I'll soon go mad

~ Billy Holiday ~ Solitude ~

***

There are times when we need a variety of ways to cope with life pressures.  The need for balance and some sense that we are still steering the ship of our life.  Otherwise we feel overloaded and we overreact.  One way is by seeking solitude.

But it is important to know the difference between solitude and loneliness, because they are often confused for one in the same.  They may look alike because they are characterized by solitariness.  But that is the only thing they have in common.

solitude restores your mind and body, 

loneliness depletes them 

...

So what is loneliness? ... it is a marked by a sense of isolation and a negative place.  When you are lonely you feel like something is missing.  And perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness is when you are with people but still feel it.

Solitude on the other hand is a state of being alone without feeling a loss of something or someone.  It is a positive place where one can engage in something constructive.  It can be desirable as you provide yourself what you need, by yourself.

Solitude: an opportunity to refresh, replenish and renew ourselves 

...

Ideally, if you had to choose a state, solitude is your best bet.  Solitude can be a time that is used for reflection, inner searching or growth.  Activities such as meditation, in-depth reading, experiencing the beauty of nature and even creativity requires solitude.  

Solitude: a means of enjoying the quiet and whatever it brings 

that is satisfying, from which we can draw sustenance 

...

But the trap is falling into loneliness ... a state of discontent, a sense of estrangement, a place of deficiency.  And worse, loneliness can lead to depression.  One way to view it is loneliness is imposed on you where is solitude is something you choose.  

Personally speaking, I have struggled between the two.  At times craving solitude, only to have it turn into loneliness and deep depression.  I am slowly learning not to be ashamed when I need a hand up, when I need to reach out, and when I need to ask for help.  

On the positive side, I am learning to be okay with solitude.  I am understanding solitude gives me time to know myself.  It is a counterpoint to intimacy.  It allows me to have a self worthy of sharing.  If I can catalogue my thoughts without having to filter them through other people’s opinions, I think more clearly and regain perspective.  Things don't seem as overwhelming, I stop grasping and clutching and controlling and allow the flow of life to happen.

The key for me is to have a peaceful atmosphere surround me and let my free will inspire my feelings of serenity without the fear of loneliness taking over.  It’s really about giving myself the time to develop a closer relationship with me, and that time is coming ... 

solitude pain with deep calm hope pastel by Prasenjeet Chakraborty