" So Small … "

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It's ok to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

~ Carrie Underwood ~ So Small ~
***

Ever think about the first time you ever felt small?  You know an activity where you weren’t included, or bullied, or a time when something was said to you that ingrained itself into your moral fiber.  But what if what was said was just words and meant nothing?  What you were the one responsible for how you feel?  What if you are the one that gave them your consent?

We all know people who feel included by knowing rumours, empowered by knowing more information, and feel big by making someone else feel or look small in front of others.  

We all know people who don’t have a genuine belief in others, assume people can’t instead of can, assume people won’t rather than will, and see problems instead of potential.

And just think about the self talk.  What are we constantly telling ourselves?  What tapes keep running?  What movies are on replay?  Evaluating our self talk may be a start to not allowing ourselves to treat ourselves smaller.  As with all insecurities, thought patterns and habits take a lot of work, practice, and self-forgiveness to teach yourself to genuinely see your own awesomeness. For some of us it will be our life’s work.

Personally this is a struggle.  I have to work very hard not to give into every opportunity to criticize myself.  I am trying to give myself space before reacting, and see whether I can resolve it alone before asking for reassurance.  A very different approach but looking for better results.  I remind myself that I am loved, I am worthy and that I have my own strengths and own beauty ... and that everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make myself feel smaller.