" Slow Down ... "

“ ... Slow down, baby, now you're movin' way too fast

Baby what you're tryin' to do?

You better slow down!

Baby, now you're movin' way too fast ... 

Slow down, baby, now you're movin' way too fast ... “

~ The Beatles ~ Slow Down ~

***

There is something to be said for being viewed as “so strong”.  For the past five years, specifically since this cancer diagnosis, others tell me how strong I am, how brave I am, how courageous I am ... so what happens when the strong, courageous & brave get sick?  ... ah wait for it ... crickets.

... I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past ...

This year I completed my yoga teacher training.  It took most of the first quarter of 2015 and was really something that I did for me.  The training was phenomenal and intense.  I found myself along side twenty-somethings, trying to keep up.  Sometimes taking on two hot yoga classes a day, I knew I was pushing myself, but I felt strong and I felt capable.  I recognized that all my insecurities were on display and I had choices at times to cower and give up.  I didn't share with many that cancer lives with me.  I didn't want it to be a crutch, burden or reason to be any different.  And I had lost my close friend Mary earlier in the year. I knew her death was a push for me to do whatever I wanted to do, now. She inspires me to this day to live beyond a cancer diagnosis, to live life fully as long as I am alive.

“...dear God, if today I lose my hope today 

please remind me that your plans are better than my dream ... “

Then came the summer ... teaching classes at schools, visiting public places and ... I started coming down with a nasty cough.  Yet life seemed full of opportunities and I didn’t want to slow down.  But as we know, there is a time to rest and pay attention to your body.  Being sick is one of those times.  

So I kept pushing and working through whatever this body was going through and sometimes ignore the signs ... slow down.  Ignoring because deep down I had another voice wondering if I was simply running out of time?  The five year prognosis mark was creeping up, the time frame given for my mortality.

There doesn’t seem to be a clear-cut answer of what to “do” when sick.  Moderate exercise seems to kick start the immune system into fighting off yucki-ness.  But intense and vigorous exercise may increase your susceptibility to being sick. Everyone has a home remedy and the staunch medical professionals will tell you that you are too late to do anything ...

And of course I ask myself ... how and why?  A guess-timation of what the cause may be.  Perhaps wondering with all the natural goodness in my lifestyle, where sickness can find a home?  Simply a waste of time.  Because I finally realized that the big factor of stress has to be considered ... again.  Stress produces the hormone cortisol which turns off the production of cytokines, the molecules that encourage an aggressive immune response.  Stress of job changes, relationships losses and lifestyle changes, all nicely packaged with a big bow ... yeah a perfect environment to allow yourself to break the self down.

So ... personally speaking ... 6 to 8 weeks of trying to naturally fight off this “heaviness” has resulted in learning that when I am sick, the best approach is to lean into it, specifically lean into the pain when it appears.  This in itself has been a very difficult but awakening process.  Pain has truly been my teacher.  Days and long nights of intensity, realizing that there is no control only acceptance to what is occurring in that moment.  Resistance is futile! I have had to yet again, take inventory of my body and the stress levels in my life.  I have had hard conversations around this with loved ones, which initially can cause aversion but can help uncover where there may be opportunities to make changes.  I am grateful for those words of direct wisdom. Sometimes it is the unconscious, unsaid, unstated tension that starts to simply wear us down.  

With this in mind ... I ask those of you who are reading ... please take the time to take notice.  We are capable of many great things but there comes a time to take a load off.  Take notice and take care of YOU, now.  You don’t want to spend the first half of your life carelessly so that the rest of your life you have to make up for it.  Getting sick is a time to rest, recover and reflect.  Bring the body back to balance and trusting, this too shall pass.  But if we take note now, we can learn and attempt to prevent ourselves from dealing with a more sufferings like this in the future.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Too Intense ... "

Butterflies in the sky

I feel just like that

Thirty five thousand feet

I feel just like that

I can't catch my breath

It's too intense, tense

I need just a minute

Give me just a minute

It's out of control

This is out of control

Got me thinkin' 'bout the future

I feel just like that

Wanna trust, lose control

I feel just like that ...

~ Vivian Green ~ Too Intense ~

***

Today I had a wonderful opportunity to get caught up with one of my Gerson buddies, C.  We met two years ago and instantly I felt a connection, a bond.  And not just because we both are managing our conditions, but because we are on the same page.

Today, we compared notes on the physical side effects of our cancers ... yada yada, the aches, pains and fears ... but then we got to the interesting part ... our spirits.  And it was what C said to me today that left me in awe.  He said that regardless of the outcome, it’s been a great ride.  He was thankful for the opportunity to learn with such great intensity, as it wouldn’t have happened if he was not dealing with cancer.  How cool is that eh?  A wonderful way to look at an undeniable adverse situation.  

Now I often write about looking at the “bright side” despite the odds, but I too have been struggling with keeping my chin up.  You see, just when you think you are working through it, you hear about another friend’s progression of cancer.  That was this week, too intense.  And you can’t help to wonder if this is the inevitable path you will take.  It is overwhelming and honestly it just plain SUCKS.  

So venturing down the path that life isn’t fair, you get a tada! ... a silver lining.  C was my silver lining today.  A conversation containing a message that I needed.  He spoke with such conviction as to his belief in the therapy we are both still on (closing in on two years for the both of us).  And instead becoming bogged down with the “worsening of your condition” prognosis, C was grateful for the last two years to learn about how we can live healthier and learn about what our bodies can and cannot heal.

Along the same thoughts, one of my practitioners talks to me often about the “gift” I have been given to change my life.  To become the person I am to be, which was far from what I was.  “Listen to your inner guidance and follow you path”.  

And what if the path leads to an adverse consequence?  Well, if you believe that everything is happening to serve a higher purpose and that God is never wrong, then what is occurring is always right.  Yes a very very hard pill to swallow (ha no pun intended ...), yet once we un-grasp, release and let go, we truly surrender to  the natural flow of life.  

So I get it when others get tired because now to me it is not giving up, it is having the strength to accept.  For me, this is important as approaching another round of tests soon, I will be put to the test.  My beliefs will be “officially” challenged, my choices will be discredited, great fear will once again be projected and decisions may have be made.

But as C said, be thankful for the ride because it has truly been quite a wild one!!  So today I send extra special love and light to C for his kindness, his love and most important his wisdom ... you truly are a precious gem my friend.

"Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold" 

M. Setter