" Urges ... "

“ ... Urges, urges - he get these urges

Don't wanna talk about -

Heartfelt urges - he get these urges

He's not supposed to talk about ... 

In the footlight the ape in motion

Spins circles all across the floor -

Mouth the words, assume the positions

For a second we can fool them all

It's never been this way before ... “

~ Thomas Dolby ~ Urges ~

***

My practice is teaching me freedom is not what I thought it was.  Not freedom as defined in the West ... freedom to do what we want and not have to do what we don’t want.  Rather the practice teaches that freedom is freedom from desire and aversion.  Freedom from want, not freedom to do what we want.  And this view is what I continue to develop.

So how do you kill off cravings ... not a clue.  Yet through mindfulness training, I learn to accept the flow of experience just as it is, instead of resisting or grasping.  I change my relationship to the urge.  I observe.  I surf my urges.  

I begin by noticing what is happening within the body and the mind.  The sensation and emotion.  I notice the impulse and urge to do something to change the moment.  And I notice how both the sensations change and urges come and go.  Consciously aware of their changing nature, their ebb and flow, the impermanence.  And I repeat and repeat ...

As I practice this approach, I realize that I can begin to cope with what is happening in the present moment.  Reminding myself that we are stronger than we believe we are  and it is the fear of the future, not the present, that compels us.  Hence when I remain with my urges in the present moment, I experience and I remain with what is.  I don’t have to act or react, I can just be and accept.  Path of least resistance.

Watching the rise and fall, the coming and going of the urge to change the situation ... I become aware of my strength to resolve.  I watch the strength of the compulsion rise and then it falls away again.  And I don’t have to stop it and I don’t have to run away from it.  I let it pass.  Just notice it and go on with life.  Perhaps learning that I do not have to react to every urge ... that I can be non-reactive and I can surf my urges.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Centre Of The Universe ... "

“ ... I come before you with my heart in my hand

Hoping you can see me through this veil of tears

Somehow I've got to make you understand

Ah, don't you know me after all these years?

This is not the center of the universe

That's alright with me

This is not the center of the universe

But it's where I wanna be ... “

~ Eagles ~ Center Of The Universe ~

***

When we move the center of influence in our lives to events outside us, we interpret life as physical.  We give so much importance to external circumstances that we lose all touch with an inner self.  Everything that we think matters lies in the world outside us, and the desperate cry of our inner needs ... to love, give and belong ... go unheard.  When everything that matters lies in the world outside us, we are at the mercy of manipulating events and people to gain control.  

When we move the center of influence inward we feel the tendency to question everything that comes to us.  We want to know why.  The practice of Shravana is one of stilling your internal and external questions and learning to listen.  From this point of view, we can learn to absorb and become more of the witness to life without trying to interpret meaning.  The practice of Shravana relinquishes the desire to find the answers to all your questions and from this surrendering, you may find the answers come to you.

Cultivating the habit of mindfulness allows us to ask those questions, in stillness.  As we delve inward, the exaggerated sensitivity to the physical level of life diminishes.  The triggers to overreact to our surroundings in ways that bring on emotional and physical distress fade.  

And as we practice the art of listening, Shravana, we build a powerful concentration to hear ourselves.  Listening to self requires you to be more alert and attentive in the present moment.  Mindful of self.  Being able to live in the present moment is the ultimate goal of meditation.  As you become aware of every single emerging moment, you have attained a mindful state, no longer bound to the oscillations of others ... and As we move this center of influence inward, the veil is lifted and the true nature of our minds, in all its luminosity, shines.

www.walkstrong.ca

" Yin &Yang … "

It's got some words and a beat to it
Don't you ask me to stop wanting it
Don't ask me to stop needing it
It's just the Yin & the Yang

Call it Zen or call it Buddha
Inner peace ...
That's just the Yin & the Yang of it

In from the cold, show me ecstasy
Just let the tears roll on out of me
Know what it's like to love
And like to be loved

~ Adam Ant ~ Yin & Yang ~ 

*** 

The concept of Yin and Yang recently came up with my doc.  We discussed how important it was for me to balance my yin energy with my yang energy ... via physical activity.  This lead me to look into what each provides and what exercise can support this middle way.

Yin and Yang represents all forms of polarity ... Originally, Yang was simply whatever was clearly visible, illuminated by the sun and Yin was whatever was hard to see, in the shade.  Yang/Yin is the foundation for ancient Asian concepts of body/spirit, a physical, observable, “material world” and an unseen “spiritual” dimension.

And polarity comes from change.  The recognition of change, as a concept related to polarity, leads to the concept of a cycle of becoming with the two polar forces never quite coming together.  Hence, the circular form of the primal beginning t'ai chi t'u (the famous yin-yang symbol).  The yin-yang symbol represents dark and light, cold and hot, soft and hard, feminine and masculine.  

Simply speaking, in regards to working your body, yoga, stretching and sun-saluting to your heart charkra’s are yin activities ... running and lifting weights are yang activities.  Isolation in either groups of activity has their limitations.  The body responds best to a balance between yin and yang activities. 

Think of it this way ... the yin-style exerciser prefers a cup of chamomile tea whereas the yang-style exerciser prefers a triple espresso.  And each has their purpose ... stimulation or relaxations ... winding up or calming down. 

YIN TRAINING

Internal focus

Mind-body consciousness

Calming, focusing, relaxing

Often slow and methodical

Builds coordination, balance, precision of movement

Broad focus on sensation and awareness of body in space

Focus on respect for the body, healing, injury prevention and recovery

Meditative, goal-less practice

YANG TRAINING

External focus

Physically intense

Exciting, energizing

Often fast and forceful

Builds muscle mass, strength, stamina, endurance, power

Narrow focus on activity and individual muscle groups

Focus on effort; acceptance of pain and some risk

Goal-oriented, concentrated task

Too much yang involves extreme bodybuilding, fad diets and some high intensity time training.  Too much yin involves lack of outward intensity and can leave you ill prepared for certain athletic demands.  Again, this can happen … so the blending of the two worlds is always ideal and some integrative exercise programs combine the mind-body awareness ... serenity, resilience and strength.

… often a shift in perception is all that it takes … 

Whether you are drawn to the intensity of yang or the calm and focus of yin, satisfaction can result from combining both.  The physical skill and control developed through yin training is enhanced by the force and power of yang training, and vice versa.  All forms of activity can provide a blend of athleticism, flexibility and isometric strength.  And the activity you choose may matter less than the way you practice it.  Mindful practices are classically a yin practice but can be infused with more intensity and force to support your yang practice.  

Personally speaking, weight lifting can induce a meditative state of clarity similar to my yoga practice ... only if I ask myself ... “are you present in it?”

www.walkstrong.ca

" Stages ... "

I ain't got a single thing to do.

It happened before I knew what was going on.

I fell out and knew that I was gone.

Stages keep on changing,

stages rearranging love ...

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tell me it's for real and let me know

why does lovin' have to come and go.

Stages keep on changing,

stages rearranging love.

~ ZZ Top ~ Stages ~

***

I find myself in an interesting space when asked “what stage are you?”.  Do I answer the stage of my diagnosis, the stage of my emotions or the stage of my healing.  I guess it is safe to assume that most are referring the “illness”.  Yet for me, my answer is around emotions and healing because that is where I think my focus should be.

As I move along my healing journey, I am learning how quickly my emotions can destabilize which trigger feelings of insecurity and a greater loss of control.  I am learning how chaos, confusion and even symptoms of depression arise ... and I am learning on their presence mean healing is taking place.  Ironic isn’t it?  Yet like much of life, it is a universal process that allows one to learn that this very chaos is very necessary.

For me, illness is where I must let go of my identity as a “sick” person and embrace my life as a healthy person ...

Thanks to my primary health practitioner and meditation teacher, I have learned that stages of healing can be felt on many levels of your being ... physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  And since we are all unique, and cope differently, the sequence of stages (below) vary ... but we do move in and out of each at our own pace ... taking days, months or even years.  Positive or negative, the need for healing allows the old identity to make way for the new.

Shock ~ sudden crisis, trauma, uncontrollable loss, emotional numbness, disbelief and or the inability to mentally comprehend the situation

Denial ~ life seems unreal, sense of “this cannot be happening”, time to fully comprehend what is occurring, safety mechanism designed to stop you from losing control

Pain ~ anger, frustration, resentment and even envy, asking “why me”, feelings of desperation, unfairness and unjust, 

Bargaining ~ due to feelings of guilt, you give up something, make a sacrifice or dedicate your life to servicing hoping that things will right themselves, a subconscious way of balancing out the scales

Depression ~ feelings of can’t do this anymore, can’t go on or what is the point?, spirit is low, losing hope, despair, feeling defeated, lack of motivation and enthusiasm

Surrender ~ resignation to the situation which allows acceptance, practicing letting go of things in your life that are not as important, provides relief because you release the resistance and stress associated with it

Recovery and Reconstruction ~ after you surrender and accept your situation, you are ready to take responsibility of your life and how you feel once again, you have the ability to express yourself fully, you begin to learn who you are and you like what you see

Rebirth and Renewal ~ ready to change your life so you can start again, encouraged by your progress and may feel the need to go on a retreat to get to know yourself even better

Moving on ~ coming out of a time of loss and change from what you had to leave behind, you attract new and excitement into your life ... your new life.

You don't have to have an illness to identify with the above.  Life is full of stages which allows us all to go through small or large healing processes.  And every stages has its place on the road to recovering your true self, soul and spirit.  I have found that you can find your way back home, but now, I am different because my difficult experiences and the subsequent strengths and resources developed have transformed me.

So where do I go from here ... to the present.  I have to challenge myself to not look too far backward or too far forward.  I have learned that losses are not a good reason for living anymore.  And I know that my diagnosis does not diminish my humanity.

May we all strive to live in the moment with consciousness, patience, compassion and appreciation for each other, in spite of all the pain of our losses ...

" Present Tense ... "

Do you see the way that tree bends? 

Does it inspire?

Leaning out to catch the sun's rays

A lesson to be applied

Are you getting something out of this all encompassing trip?

You can spend your time alone, re digesting past regrets, oh

Or you can come to terms and realize

You're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh

Makes much more sense to live in the present tense

Have you ideas on how this life ends? 

Checked your hands and studied the lines

Have you the belief that the road ahead ascends off into the light?

Or you can come to terms and realize

You're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh

Makes much more sense to live in the present tense

~ Pearl Jam ~ Present Tense ~

***

The lost art of living in the present.  Being present versus Being there.  The idea of being present encompasses the fundamental principles of yoga ... to simply “be” in the moment you are experiencing.  Easy enough ... so why then do  many lose sight of the “experience” before their eyes?

Perhaps it is because our society does not focus on the present tense.  We are always in preparation mode instead of enjoying today’s victory.  And when we finally stop to savor a milestone, it is by conscious measure, only to move on to the next one.

Truly, we are all familiar with the subject of presence ... wanting to be able to pay attention to what’s here versus dwelling on the past or longing for the future.

Just take this example ... you judge someone to be a certain way therefore you will expect them to behave that way.  Your expectations show up in the words you use, the tone of your voice and your body language.  Now, you are part of this person’s environment and your influence will set up an expectation, and other people will meet your expectation.  

Yet the problem is not their reaction but yours.  You responded based on the image you have of them.  So how do suspend judgement? ... you listen with the intention of understanding them by becoming fully present.  This brings your mind into this moment.  Now, in this relationship, each moment is new.  You have chosen to be present and surprise yourself by the potential that is within them instead.  

Mindfulness is a choice.  So how do we become more present in the present?  Start with believing that the most important thing in your life is what is happening right now, including what is inside you as well as outside.  

I have found that I must let go of the belief that I am irresponsible if I give time to myself, time to be alone and time to make contact with the Divine.  My responsibility to this human experience is to bring my whole self in to, fully and with a deep connection with my own being.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.  And by being present, we allow the past memories, thoughts, feelings and worries to be left behind, therefore creating space ... a space for love, gratitude and miraculous transformations to take place ... a place where Divine manifestations occur.

the most precious gift we can offer others is our presence ... 

when mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers ... 

so wherever you are, be all there ॐ