" Quest For Certainty ... "

This world's like a dream, it's not what it seems. 

You think it's solid but it fades instead. 

I know so far I've been looking real hard, 

and I'm trying to get a grip on reality. 

If there was a place where you didn't lie, cry, die, 

would you come with me? 

It's my quest, my quest for certainty. 

In an age that's plagued with absurdity. 

A quest I'll try my best, to manifest sincerity. 

What more do they want from me? 

~ Shelter ~ Quest For Certainty ~

***

We have a need to be certain about what we know, what we do and what we say.  We feel that when we are certain about the world around us, we understand things, we can be in control, we can sustain our safety and we can predict what will happen.  And when predictions come true, we continue to be certain about what we know.  

But what if certainty is nothing but spin?  

When you don’t accept the proof of impermanence in life, you fear uncertainty.  Yet when you reflect and rise up to it, it can enhance your life.  Knowledge about impermanence can reveal many truths and lead to a fundamental understanding of the nature of the universe.  Our best teach is nature itself.  Nature shows us the impermanence of seasons.

So with all the uncertainty around us, how do we live a life without anxiety and dis-comfort?  By accepting what is ... accepting that all things change and are impermanent.  Once we free ourselves from grasping at the ungraspable, we free ourselves from destructive views of permanence, along with the false notion of security.  

The notion of letting go of what you think you will always have but always has a shelf life too.  Not a depressive thought but a motivating one ... to appreciate life as it is ... in this very moment.  Because this very moment will never happen the same way again.  Similar to a snowflake, different every time.

A structured period of time where learning is to occur ... A life lesson ... teaching us about impermanence ... bringing us closer to the truth ... and challenging our faith in the process ... this I know for certain.

" Continue ... "

Somehow things happen

With time in mind we can't stop moving

Deep meditation has taken me to a higher placement

And mocking the entrance for once,

we're gone, reincarnation

Of the distance I see the light I see its brilliance

What is its nature, is anything what it seems? ...

The questions that I ask can never be truthfully answered,

by any human who thinks himself to be a master

Nothing is what is seems, sometimes I see no point in walking

Woke up in my dreams ...

~ Union 13 ~ Continue ~

***

Russell and I had a conversation today about what my health journey thus far has taught him.  He said, perseverance ... “a steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles or discouragement.”  He said that although he is not going through the actual therapy, he understands the depth as to what is required to stay on path ... which strengthens his resolve to stay on his path, despite the odds.

For those of you that have followed along, I was diagnosed in early February 2011 and started the Gerson Therapy on March 7, 2011 in Mexico ... as of this moment, I am on week 96 or 22 months and counting.  

Some may think inspiring, others do think insane ...

The therapy is to be considered for a minimum of two years, depending on your type, stage and other potential  complications associated with your condition.  I can say that year one was like a walk in the park compared to year 2.  Year 2 has been full of extreme symptoms, emotionally and physically.  And from what I have learned, this is to be expected when self-healing difficulties, obstacles and discouragement.

So how do I stay on course?  Well depending on the day, the answer varies.  Some days I feel great, and think I can take on the world.  I just do what it takes, it is part of my day, a schedule, a routine and I believe and know I am blessed to truly heal.  Other days I feel awful, am in pain, or cry uncontrollably and feel like a real victim, deprived, and deserving of punishment.  As I said, extremes ...

Extremes ... experience of immense generosity, and love and support.  An abundance that I didn’t know was available to me and for me.  And experience of profound loss, sadness and depression.  Lower energies that I guess are necessary to appreciate higher vibrations.

Perhaps this is what happens when your awareness is heightened.  Everything seems to vary in great degrees. 

... Faith ... Hope ... Strength ... Courage ... Compassion ... Gratitude ...

Perseverance in the face of uncertainty, on a path of unknown.  Some feel the future is written for us ... fate.  Others feel it is unwritten and for us to scribe.  Viewing it as regardless what we do, it will happen or based on what we do, it will happen.  Either way, the guarantee is it will unfold, setbacks et all.

I realize that trying to hold on to the oars and steer this raft feels pointless at times.  Releasing and allowing my soul to live ... yet relinquishing this control feels so out of control at times.  Is letting go equivalent to giving up or recognizing there is only so much we can control?

Reoccurring messages stating "Don't quit before the miracle happens" ... trust to keep doing what I am doing because it is working ... all in perfect timing ... believe in the process and that GOD is always right ... this is truly how I continue ... at least at this present moment ॐ