" Justify My Love ... "

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

Talk to me - tell me your dreams

Am I in them?

Tell me your fears

Are you scared?

Tell me your stories

I'm not afraid of who you are

We can fly!

I'm open and ready

For you to justify my love

To justify my love

Wanting, to justify

Waiting, to justify my love

Praying, to justify

To justify my love

I'm open, to justify my love

~ Madonna ~ Justify My Love ~

***

How many times have you heard someone who has said or done something that is hurtful justify it by saying the recipient left them no other choice?  

Chances are you have crossed a line if you’re justifying behaviour ... because something deep inside might be sensing that it’s gone from enjoyment to dependence.  Sound familiar? ... yeah we’ve all been there, but the thing is that it only lasts for so long.  In your core, you know what is right and what is pushing it.  Perhaps just an example of using blame to excuse your own bad behaviour.

And really what IS the big deal?  Well, blame is like anger, it dulls our sense of empathy.  It gives us permission to act in a hurtful way to others since it removes the inhibitions ordinary humans have that serve as a buffer against what we know is destructive behaviour.  When we justify, we allow our emotions to take over our self-control in order to achieve a selfish end.

Blame is a defensive to protect our philosophy, emotions and ego ...

Blaming behaviour and selfish behaviour work together.  How?  well, if there some emotional benefit, comfort, entertainment or psychological stability, the actions will continue to consume  you ... as long as things work out for the blamer.

And when there are unintended consequences, instead of taking responsibility for one self’s actions, the blamer begins to find reasons why they should be excused from the repercussions they don’t feel they deserve.

When we blame others we overemphasize ourselves 

and under emphasize the negative effects of our actions ... 

we gain something pleasurable and avoid something unpleasant.

So where do you draw the line?  That’s up to you to decide.  Yet pretending like your actions don’t have consequences, and staying within your comfort level so it benefit’s you, again you decide if that is selfish or protection.  Your morals, your choices, your life ...

We surround ourselves with people that think and act as we do.  Yet sometimes we may need to check in with outside of our circle ... and get an objective opinion.  We may not like what we hear but this critical perspective let’s us know how we are being perceived and therefore how we will be treated.

And really you may not care what others think of you ... but if asking yourself “what would I lose if I did allow myself to see what I don't want to see?” makes you a wee bit curious, then maybe you really do want to know ...

" Better ... "

No one ever told me when I was alone

They just thought I'd know better.. better...

The hardest part

this troubled heart has ever yet been through now,

Was heal the scars 

that got their start inside someone like you now,

For had I known or I'd been shown back 

when how long it'd take me,

To break the charms that brought me harm 

and all but would erase me.

Now I know you better, You know I know better ...

~ Guns ‘N Roses ~ Better ~

***

Some say life is a game and some of us have been dealt a “good” hand and others a “bad”hand.  And this hand will determine the inevitable outcome.  Yet what if we don’t have to play this game where there’s always a loser and a victor.  What if we decide we are all winners?

Fortunately, we have been given the gift of consciousness.  We have learned and created means to better express ourselves ... and these different forms of expression have been born in a communal effort to materialize our hopes, aspirations, morals, ethics, inspiration, and dreams.  How we understand this truth has everything to do with what we see manifested in our everyday perceptions of reality.

So depending on the hand dealt to us determines our individual experience of this communal creation ... or does it?  What if it depends on how we play the game instead ... similar to making our own path, we would have an equal opportunity to succeed, regardless of our cards.

Consider creating a new game together by changing the rules and stakes ...

So where’s the problem ... well some of us have no idea we have the option of creating a new game.  We feel we have to do the best we can with what we got, and that’s how we live.  We take in a situation, which might not be the best for us as a given, and don’t question it.  Just deal with it, in the best possible way.

Yet, there is so much power within us - once we realize our own potential, we decide how we play our hand, our own path, our own reality.  We decide better.  And this won’t come by anyone telling us we can, but by trying it out ourselves.  

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand ~ Randy Paush