" Willing ... "

I wake with the wings of morning

To the light of a new day

Now my eyes are open

Through the darkest times

I find you

I find you always ...

I could break

Fall back into sorrow

Give me life

Make my faith much stronger ... 

Though I stumble ...

Though I fall

I'm willing

~ Times of Grace ~ Willing ~ 

***

Recently I heard a definition of the word Will and it resonated with me.  Understanding your personal will or willingness was defined as “the moment you realize that nothing outside of you can make you small”.  How powerful that statement really is ...

You hear about people losing their will to live, when they couldn’t hang on anymore, when there had no “reason” to go on, or when they lost their appetite for life.  I think if we are really honest with ourselves, we have all experienced times of despair, doubt and desperation.

So how do you get the space described above ... how do you regain the will to live?

By starting with acceptance.  Resistance to what is IS the source of suffering, therefore allow the natural flow of life to occur.  The reality is that it will occur with or without your participation.  And trust that there is nothing “wrong” with you.  The Divine did not place us here to suffer ... consider every experience a lesson, where victims are replaced with students.

The past is just a memory, a thought in the present.  The future is just anticipation, a thought in the present.  The only moment we have is this one, and this, and this and ...

Those who survive the most threatening situations find a reason to live ... they dig deep and have the will to carry on.  They realize the reason is not external and not temporary.  They understand unattached, unconditional joy.  And, they make a choice because in essence, life is a choice.  A choice to participate or sit this one out ... similar to walking in an amusement park without entering any of the attractions.  

Living day by day allows you to become less concerned about why you are here and what to do next ... and more appreciative about the NOW experience.  

There are two ways to live ... 

you can life as if nothing is a miracle; 

you can life as if everything is a miracle 

~ Albert Einstein 

" So-Called Chaos ... "

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers

Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others ...

Line towing, and helping, expectations up to living

Inside box obeying, inside line coloring ...

I want to invite this so called chaos, 

that you'd think I dare not be

I want to be weightless, 

flying through the air

I want to drop all these limitations and 

return to what I was born to be

~ Alanis Morissette ~ So-Called Chaos ~

***

Everyday Chaos.  I use to think that is what described life and how it was spent.  The real world going in and out of focus, entirely affected by my emotions, senses and desires.  Thinking I could cope, thinking I could manage ... and then feeling overwhelmed, disenchanted and disconnected from my actual experience of living.  

Limbo land and the paralysis it brings by what you perceive as a complication, an uncertainty, unpredictable in nature and full of shock and surprises.  Personally, at times the more I thought about trying to plan my future, the more stressed and anxious I would become.  Stress had become the new norm and anxiety my new best friend.  

Everyday chaos is unsettling so it is natural to want to do something, anything  to ease the pain or escape the discomfort.  Yet when your thoughts are muddled and your emotions control you, your decisions don’t reflect the rational thinking you are capable of.  And so you are driven by chaos.

And what brings chaos ... the turbulence of change.  It is a state of foggy thinking, out of focus, physical stress and emotions that are different from what is considered typical.

Only when I allowed faith and knowledge of my authentic self to clear the way, 

I moved through this physical experience ...

In the midst of chaos, I learned a strategy that seems to work ... not to do anything that I couldn’t undo ... not to make any irreversible decisions I might regret later.  Some view it as denial, others as insanity.  But for me, it is far preferable to wait till the chaos diminishes before taking action.

I have learned that no matter how bad chaos is in the moment, I feel better once I stop and live in the gap ... the gap between what has happened and what I am going to do about it.  I need to put off doing “something” about it to avoid having serious repercussions.  In the past, my reaction to chaos has had consequences I regret. 

Now I consciously scatter fragments of anxiety and fear.  Now I consciously give no power to the chaos outside of me.  Now I consciously remind myself that the present moment is all that is, all that will ever be.  Now I consciously embrace the NOW and just be.

You control you mind, your mind does not control you.  Knowing how to deal with uncertainty is fully realizing that life has always been unpredictable and full of chaos.  Life can be complicated and fast.   Life is impermanence and imperfect.  My life is no more or less than anyone elses and things have a way of working out in the end ... and so it is.

live in divine chaos, 

embrace it, 

forgive yourself, 

breathe, and enjoy the ride